Hold Onto Hope Love
by behindyoureyes
Summary: set in/after season 7. Nathan and Haley's relationship is tested as together they deal with life-changing shocks that are thrown their way. Very very much a NALEY story.
1. Keep Breathing

one.

Her foot tapped nervously against the base of the piano as she gazed out the window. 2:13. Nathan said not to leave the house until 5:13…it would take them 20 minutes to get to the airport, which would make them arrive right as his plane flew in. Three more hours… write a song, Haley. She glanced down at her notebook and saw that she had unconsciously written the word "Waiting." Genius title, rock star, she deadpanned. She just couldn't concentrate on anything else. God, she missed him. Her husband had been across the country for the past two weeks, and it would only be three more hours before she could feel his touch, look into his eyes…

A knock at the door shook her out of her trance. Nathan? Her heart leapt. No, still three hours. She opened the door, shocked to see a policeman standing in their doorway. "Mrs. Scott?" he asked.

"Can I help you?"

"I hate to tell you this, ma'am, but there's been an accident."

Haley's knees threatened to buckle and she grasped the wall as she asked in a shaky voice, "What kind of accident? What happened? Is it Nathan?" She prayed for a no. Say no, say no, say no.

He hung his head. That was not a good sign. He spoke quietly. "I'm so sorry. The plane your husband was on crashed due to a failed engine." Pause. "There were no survivors." A sharp intake of breath. And then everything went black.


	2. Feeling A Moment

two.

It was a triumph she had made it through the funeral. She grasped Jamie's hand, maybe a little too tightly, throughout the entire thing and managed to get through her speech without breaking down…almost. She began to lose it at the end, when she whispered the words "always and forever" but composed herself. She had to be strong. For Nathan, and especially for Jamie, whose tears shattered her already broken heart. Peyton, Brooke, Skills, and Mouth were constantly at her side, holding her hands, whispering words of encouragement in her ear, promising everything would be okay. And it helped a little. But the only one who knew what she really needed was Lucas. He didn't say a word, simply held her while she cried. It meant more than any sympathies could.

Later that day, she sat in her living room looking through a photo album filled with her and Nathan's wedding photos. Brooke shyly opened the door. "Hey buddy. How ya holding up?"

Haley quickly wiped the tears off her cheeks. "Aren't you gonna call me Tutor Widow?" she said bitterly.

"Hey, don't do that. You are still Tutor Wife, never forget that. What's this?"

Haley snapped the photo album shut and threw it to the ground. "It's nothing. Not anymore at least."

Brooke picked it up. "This is not nothing, Hales, this is everything. Just because he's gone doesn't mean the time that he was here is erased."

At her words, Haley, who had been sniffling and struggling to hold back tears, let go and Brooke folded her into her arms as she cried. "I know you miss him, Hales, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine." She comfortingly stroked her hair and whispered, "What can I do?"

"Actually, could you take Jamie today? I know I should be with him, but I just cry all the time and I can't explain it to him, I'm not strong enough for that conversation yet. I'm sure he needs to get out of the house, too… Nathan"—she barely choked out his name—"is everywhere in this house. I just need a day for myself, and then I'll get myself back together."

Brooke nodded. "Of course I will. And by the way, Haley Scott, you are the strongest person I know." She kissed the top of Haley's head, not her forehead—that was Nathan's—and ran upstairs to get Jamie. They came down hand in hand and Brooke hugged Haley. "Say goodbye to your mom, Jamie." Haley smiled sadly and Eskimo-kissed her son goodbye. "Love you, Jimmy-Jam," she whispered.

"I love you too, Momma!"

Brooke smiled. "We all do."

Haley summoned the strength to stand and keep her eyes dry, but right as Brooke and Jamie walked through their doorway, she heard him whisper "I wish Momma wasn't so sad," and she collapsed back onto the couch and surrendered to the tears she was fighting so hard against.

She clutched Nathan's shirt to her face, breathing in his smell, relentlessly sobbing. After a few minutes, a few hours, hell, maybe a few days, she could no longer smell him. "DAMMIT!" she screamed and threw his shirt across the room, only to slide down horizontally on the couch and let her cheeks drown in the tears that rolled down them, resisting the urge to crouch into the fetal position and just waste away. But she didn't care, it didn't matter. Nothing else mattered. For a moment, she smiled at the words he had once whispered to her, but her smile faded in record time—she wondered if a true smile would ever make a home on her face again. She knew she was being pathetic. She knew she was not this person. She was a mother for God's sake, and she should be there for Jamie, not throwing a pity party for herself in her—their—living room. She was better than that.

Except for today.

* * *

By some miracle, Haley finally fell asleep on the couch. For obvious reasons, she was hardly getting any sleep lately. Her bed was too big for just her tiny frame. Sleeping alone was uncomfortable and foreign. And no matter how she entwined herself around Nathan's pillow, or how many blankets she piled on top of her, she was freezing. She was too cold without Nathan's arms wrapped around her.

She suddenly felt someone nudging her shoulder. "Haley?"

Stupid idea to give Lucas a key. Stupid, stupid idea. "Hi, Luke," she mumbled into the couch.

"Now that is embarrassing. Is my voice really that manly?" Peyton chuckled. "Luke's outside, taking out the trash." Haley opened one eye to peer at Peyton, who was holding out her arms and dragging her up into a hug. Haley, desperately wanting to avoid another deep conversation or anything sad, sighed in relief when Peyton burst out laughing. "Hales, I am the pregnant one remember? I'm the one who gets to be a slob and eat endless cartons of ice cream," she said, nodding towards the empty food containers all over the counter. "You are a mess, Mrs. Scott, and you kinda smell. How about I make you some real food while you go shower?" Peyton led her upstairs, conveniently swerving her head to block the wedding photo hanging on the wall from Haley's view. Peyton understood that part of Haley…she knew when Haley needed to stop wallowing and just how to get her there.

Once Haley got downstairs, the scent of delicious food greeted her. She walked into the kitchen. "Peyton! Where did you learn to cook like this?"

Peyton scoffed. "Oh, Haley, you know me better than that. It's take out."

Haley laughed. "Of course it is. So it wasn't so much _make_ me food as _get_ me food."

"Um, pretty much, yeah. I do, however, have a surprise for you. Close your eyes and open your hands."

With a squee, Peyton placed it in Haley's hands.

Haley gasped. It was her CD! The picture from her photo shoot at Tric a while back graced the cover and the words **Haley James Scott** and **Feel This** were in script on the top and bottom. Gaping, she flipped it over to see a simple white background and silver typewritten track titles, but once she looked closer, a sketch of a couple dancing was lightly etched in the background. It was her and Nathan.

"I did it yesterday. It's technically your personalized copy, but I think they should be released like this, Hales, this way he's always a part of it."

Haley was stunned. "It's perfect, Peyton, thank you."

"Is that a smile?" Lucas's voice called. Haley broke apart from Peyton's hug and turned towards her best friend.

"Yes it is, who would've thought, huh?" Haley said sweetly as Lucas wrapped his arms around her. "I know he's so proud of you," he whispered. She nodded, allowing one tear to escape. Just one.

"H.J.S! How are you, baby girl?"

She smiled when she saw Skills walk into the house.

"Hey Skills. I'm…I'm doing okay."

"Alright, that's my girl," he smiled.

"Hey, Haley, don't call the cops, it's me, I'm just checking in. I brought you some soup!" A voice called from the door. Mouth halted in surprise upon walking into the kitchen. "Oh, hey everyone…I guess you beat me to it."

Haley laughed and thanked Mouth and planted a kiss on his cheek before taking the soup and putting it in the fridge. They heard the door once again open. "Someone's popular today," Mouth commented.

"Knock, knock! I've got something for you, Tutor Mom!" Brooke's voice was followed by the sound of Jamie's footsteps across the floor as he ran into his welcoming mother's arms. He grimaced at seeing all the adults gathered in his kitchen, no fun. "Can I go play basketball outside, Momma?"

"Okay, baby, yell if you need anything and don't leave the yard!" she called; he responded with a thumbs up as he ran out of the kitchen.

"Woah! Party at the Scott house!" Brooke exclaimed. Everyone chuckled.

"It's weird being in this house without him around," Skills noted, his seriousness coming from out of nowhere, but Haley saw in his eyes how much he missed Nathan.

"Tell me about it," Haley said, almost a whisper, and Lucas put his hand on her shoulder.

"We had some good times with him, we're lucky," Mouth said.

"Yeah," Peyton chimed in, "I mean we've all kinda shared him. Me and Brooke, and well, obviously Haley—she was the keeper. And Lucas, Skills, Mouth, were like his brothers."

Everyone smiled and nodded. "Wait," Brooke stopped. "Me? I was never Nathan's girlfriend!"

"Brooke! Sex tape."

"Oh my God!" Brooke whined. "Please never mention that again."

"I second that," said Haley, but she smiled. "Nathan sat outside apologizing to the bedroom door that whole night. Hormonal me was not too forgiving," she laughed.

They proceeded to talk about all their memories. Everyone could hardly keep up with all the "Remember when?s" being said simultaneously about all their good times with Nathan. "Remember when he was an ass?" Skills said with a smirk.

Lucas laughed. "Dude, shut up!"

Haley elbowed him, but couldn't help but chuckle.

Haley was bombarded with images of Nathan throughout all their years together, and she had at first feared breaking down, but it felt good to remember him, surrounded by the people that loved him too. The whole Tree Hill gang, minus one, healing together.


	3. Dreaming With A Broken Heart

three.

With a deep breath, she put the CD in the stereo. She desperately wanted to hear it, and she knew every single song would remind her of Nathan. The first song was "Then Slowly Grows," and she immediately went back to a few days before he left when she walked in the house and heard it playing...

"_Hey, baby!" Nathan said, getting up to greet Haley who had just gotten home. "This song kicks ass! You're amazing."_

_She blushed. "Wanna hear a secret? I wrote it for you," she whispered and briefly kissed his lips with a smile._

"_Well, thank you, Hales. God, I love you." He kissed her again. Suddenly hit with a thought, he asked, "How was the interview with Principle Buttkiss? Er, Rimpkis."_

"_Ughh, I don't want to talk about it. Crazy bitch," she muttered and scrunched up her nose._

"_You're so cute." Haley stared at him. "I mean, yeah, what a bitch."_

_Haley playfully rolled her eyes. "Nice try. Oh, I wanted to ask you…do you have any plans tonight?"_

"_Yeah, actually, I'll be with Lucas at the Rivercourt."_

_Haley pouted. "Bummer. Cause Jamie's hanging with Peyton and it's supposed to rain…like, torrential downpour...but, whatever, if you have plans…" she nonchalantly shrugged and began to walk away. "No! I'm free!" Nathan shouted without a second's hesitation and grabbed her waist._

_Haley innocently tilted her head. "But Lucas…"_

"_Won't care," he finished. They began to kiss when Haley gasped._

_Nathan looked at her with alarm. "Peyton and Mia! I totally forgot!" She frantically threw her purse together and grabbed her jacket. "You better be home on time," Nathan said, kissing her forehead, "or else."_

_Her hand stroked his cheek. "You know I will."_

_She knocked on the door, already soaked, just from walking from her car to the porch. The door flew open and there stood Nathan, looking like a kindergartener who had just been presented with a new toy. "It's crazy out here!" she shouted over the roar of the wind. He took a step toward her. "You're not going to start throwing magazine articles about a certain tour at me are you?" she grinned. He shrugged, "Unnecessary, we'll just cut to the chase this time."_

_Haley wrapped her arms around him and he lifted her up, walking from underneath the porch into the open yard. Haley squealed and Nathan laughed._

"_I love you," she breathed, and he replied with a crooked grin, leaning down for a sweet kiss that heated up very quickly. Her hands knotted in his hair as he squeezed her tighter against his body, still suspended in the air, and their lips molded together._

_

* * *

  
_

"Then Slowly Grows" finished and she was snapped out of her trance. Oh, she loved the rain. Well, she loved what happened in the rain… Next came her more powerful song "Devil's Archerist." She remembered the day she wrote it like it had been just yesterday...

_**Keep me away, I don't want to fight**__, she belted. _

"_No," she sighed in frustration. __**Keep me away, I've got no will to fight**__. That was it. She paused to scribble in her notebook. She continued to sing, __**Keep me away, I'm running to the light. Cause I don't want to lose your way with these devil, devil archerist.**_

"_New song?" _

_She jumped five feet in the air. "Woah, sorry, didn't mean to scare you," Nathan apologized as he sat down next to her on the piano bench and put his arm around her._

"_Oh, I didn't hear you come in. But, um, yeah," she said, embarrassed. _

"_It's great! Your voice blows me away, Hales. And it looks pretty sexy on you too."_

_She laughed, "What? These sweatpants really do it for you?"_

"_Haley James, everything looks sexy on you. But I meant you singing and playing the piano… it's beautiful." Before she could mutter a response he leaned to kiss her softly, but his gentle intentions quickly disappeared. His hands held her face and the kiss deepened. She smiled and pulled away. _

"_Not that I'm complaining, but I've got to finish this song, Peyton needs it by tomorrow."_

"_But there are so much better things to do," he kissed her again. _

"_I can't…" she said breathlessly. It didn't stop him._

_Haley playfully hit his shoulder. "Nathan Scott! Get out of here!"_

"_You know I'll win," he said seductively, less than an inch away from her face. _

"_That's the problem." She was suddenly struck with an idea. "Okay, screw the song, let's go upstairs."_

_He grinned and quickly followed her towards the door. "Ha!" she screamed, laughing, as she shoved him out the door. "Now go away and let me write, I'll have my fun with you later." She jumped up to kiss his forehead and laughed at his shocked face. "That was low! I'll get you for that, Haley James!" he laughed._

"_Scott!" she yelled from behind the closed door. "Haley James Scott," she said, grinning._

_

* * *

  
_

"Elsewhere" began and she smiled to herself, remembering the night she sang it to Nathan in Karen's Café when they were still dating. Organizing the table in front of her, she came across a picture of herself, holding an infant Jamie, her then-blonde hair pulled up in a loose bun going every direction and dark circles under her eyes...

"_Nathan, please stop taking pictures, the flash is making me blind."_

"_Well, I'm sorry, baby, but I want every second of this kid's life documented. When we're eighty years old, all wrinkled and gross, we won't remember little moments like this. But, picture it, we're sitting on the couch and pull out this photo, we'll remember it and you know you'll smile."_

"_I love you for that, Nathan, but if you don't stop taking pictures and I go insane due to a combination of blindness and insomnia it's not gonna be fun sitting next to my wrinkled self," she threatened with a playful smile._

_He smiled back. "It's always fun sitting next to you. I mean, granted, I could think of better things to do than just sit—example one, what resulted in that adorable thing you're holding in your arms."_

_Haley laughed and nearly lost her balance; thankfully Nathan was there to support her. "Okay, I'll take care of Jamie, you go to sleep," he said, tucking her hair behind her ears. "Mmm…I don't think I've ever loved you more," Haley sighed and climbed into their bed. Not long after she did, she felt her husband's arms encircle her and snuggled closer to him. Just as she was beginning to drift to sleep, a piercing cry from across the hall echoed through the house. She yawned and sat up, but Nathan held her wrist back. "Go back to sleep, baby, I'll get him." _

"_He just wants to be sung to sleep. And honey, I have heard you sing, please let me handle this," she said with a wink. "You sleep."_

"_Nah, we're in this together," he groaned as he stood up to follow her into baby Jamie's room._

_Haley picked up Jamie, and Nathan led her to the rocking chair where he sat down and placed her on top of him. Resting against Nathan's chest, Haley cradled their baby and sang him a soft lullaby, Nathan's arms laid protectively over both mother and son._

* * *

Track number four was one of her favorites, her baby. "Songs in My Pocket" was one of the first songs she had ever written. Immediately she was sent back to her and Nathan's road trip to Georgia…

_**Notes in my drawers, songs in my pockets, fragments of letters that you sent. Leftover phone calls, cologne in the bath, I still have that bottle of rose…**_

_Her voice resonated in their small car. "I can't believe you have this on your iPod!" Haley was completely shocked, and absolutely touched._

"_Of course I do, Hales, I love listening to your music. It always makes me happy to hear you sing," he said, making her swoon, and put his hand on her leg._

_She was beaming throughout the entire song—she couldn't take her eyes off Nathan. Her song faded out and Toploader's "Dancing in the Moonlight" came on, but within a second Haley pressed the next button. "Hey, that's a good song," Nathan complained._

"_I know! But you can't listen to it __sitting in a car__," she said as if the word "duh" would follow. "You have to be dancingggggg."_

_Nathan noticed the open fields they were passing on the almost-deserted road. "That's not a problem." He stopped the car, starting the song from the beginning, and got out to open the door for a very confused Haley._

"_Is this the part where you kill me?" she joked._

"_Very funny. You want to dance; I want to hear this song," he said as he held out his hand._

_Major swooning again commenced, and she gladly grasped his hand. They danced slowly at first in the grass not far from their car, Haley leaning against him, smiling, her eyes closed, breathing in the moment. As soon as the song reached its chorus, Nathan spun her around and dipped her low to the ground, causing a fit of laughter to bubble through her. They swayed back and forth, one of Haley's hands interlocked with Nathan's and the other resting on his shoulder while his laid against the small of her back. She was used to feeling like this, everyday with him, but it was these moments when it really hit her—her incredible, overwhelming love for Nathan._

_

* * *

  
_

Finally, the last song, "Crazy Girls," blared through the stereo. Ah, she noted with a twinge of pain, she wrote this one during Nathan's most recent away games. The one he never came back from...

_She waited impatiently as his phone rang. "Haley," he answered happily._

"_I miss you," she sulked. _

"_Me too, baby, more than you know."_

"_I am officially one of those crazy girls that has absolutely no idea what to do without their guys around. It's pathetic, really."_

"_I'm with you on that one, I've got no idea what to do without you either and—"_

"_Oh my God, that's the title!"_

"_What?"_

"_I wrote a song about how absolutely insane not having you here makes me. See, pathetic. Well, I couldn't think of a title for the life of me, I was thinking 'Missing You,' but it wasn't creative enough and too serious, it's not like you died or something. Anyway, point is, I'm completely lost when you're away. Come home to me!"_

"_The second the game is over, I'm on a plane. I will come to you—you know why? Cause you'll be the first one there and the last to go home…or something like that."_

_She laughed at his attempt to quote her lyrics. "You are such a dork, husband of mine. It's 'I'll be the first one waiting and the last to leave,' but you get points for trying." _

"_I'll take it."_

_She giggled. _

"_Your laugh is so sexy—hey, what are you wearing, Mrs. Scott?"_

"_Want your son to tell you? He's sitting right here," she said, shaking her head._

"_Oh God! Oops..." she heard someone talking in the background. "Agh, sorry baby, that was Coach, practice starts in two seconds, I gotta go. Say hi to Jamie for me."_

"_I will. I love you so much, Nathan. Come home soon!"_

"_I love you too, Hales, I'm jumping out of my skin to come home, I need you so bad. Oh, and uh…we'll get to that conversation later."_

They didn't.


	4. Wish You Were

four.

The sound of knocking at the door still haunted her. Haley's heartbeat accelerated, but she relaxed when she saw Peyton and Brooke through the window. "Hey guys, what's up?"

"Nothing," Peyton said, and Haley gave her a suspicious look. Brooke cut in, "Look, Haley, we know you're a big girl but with Jamie back in school we just didn't want you to be alone."

"Unneeded but sweet, thank you. Come in!"

Not two seconds before Peyton and Brooke stepped through the door, Brooke said excitedly, "Oh my god, did you see who got eliminated on Dancing with the Stars last night?!"

"Brooke, I think you're the only remaining fan of that show in Tree Hill. Besides, I haven't watched TV in forever." She said as she pulled a bottle of wine out of the cupboard to pour for the girls.

Peyton and Brooke shared a look. "So, you haven't watched the news lately?" Peyton asked tentatively.

"Uhh, no, why?"

Brooke laid her hand on Haley's shoulder. "They, uh, found a survivor from Nathan's flight."

Haley took a deep breath. "Wow," was the only thing she could say.

"Yeah."

Haley took the TV remote and switched to the news channel. "The survivor of flight 432, 6'2" in height, dark hair, blue eyes, and 23 years old, was identified as Steven Montgomery of –"

A shattering interrupted the broadcast. The bottle of wine Haley was holding fell to the tile floor.

"More on his condition later tonight," the news reporter finished.

"I'm sorry," Haley reacted, running to get paper towels and a broom. "I'm still pretty affected by it all...I just can't imagine what that family is going through…to think he was dead and realize he's alive. It's incredible." Peyton and Brooke both patted Haley's arm and kneeled down to start cleaning up the mess.

After talking for a few hours, Peyton and Brooke hugged Haley goodbye and left. "How scary was that when the wine bottle shattered?" Peyton laughed as they walked to the car.

"Oh my god I almost screamed. So scary."

"_Okay…scariest moment of your life," Nathan questioned Haley, who was draped across his lap._

_She thought for a minute, "Hmm. It's a tie. When you jumped off that bridge after Rachel and Cooper being the __**idiot**__ you are…and when we found Jamie in the pool after that godawful fight." She shuddered, and he squeezed her tighter._

"_Ditto for the second one. But, wait, not when you pushed me out of the way of Daunte's car being the idiot __**you**__ are and got hit?"_

"_No, I mean, that was scary as hell, but not nearly as scary as the thought of losing you or Jamie. Definitely not the scariest moment of my life."_

"_It was for me. I can't explain the heart-stopping, sheer terror I felt then. Still gives me chills."_

"_Really? What about when you crashed that racecar?"_

"_Trust me, Hales, no comparison."_

_Haley sat up and hugged him. They just sat there holding each other for the entire night, thankful for surviving everything life had thrown them._

_

* * *

  
_

She sighed. Her scariest moments she described to Nathan came nowhere near the moment the police officer had said "no survivors." Jamie's pool accident and Nathan's dive off the bridge had only threatened to knock down the walls of her world, but they both survived. That day in her doorway, the walls of her world came crashing down, and they never really stood up again. Sighing, she looked at the clock, time to pick up Jamie.

In the car, she remembered Jamie's very first day of school.

"_Momma, I gotta go," Jamie said, struggling out of her hug. _

"_Right, okay, love you buddy." Haley stood up to hold Nathan's hand as they watched their son walk into his kindergarten class._

"_I thought he was supposed to be the one crying," Haley said, wiping tears from her eyes. _

"_Aw, Hales…" Nathan pulled her into a hug._

"_But no, he was fine, no problem, just marched right in there away from me," she whimpered into his shirt._

"_Hales, he loves you, I know he'd rather be home with you all day. But he's excited for school. Clearly, he's taking after you on that one."_

_Haley laughed into his chest but it sounded more like a muffled sob._

"_He's so old," she said in wonder as she turned to look into the classroom._

"_I know, it sucks," Nathan replied. "But think of all the alone time we'll have with him in school everyday," he hinted, kissing her hair._

"_I know, it's just hard." She leaned into Nathan and they stood in silence, admiring their son in his new school._

"_Come on, we've been standing outside the classroom window for like 20 minutes, they're gonna start thinking we're creeps."_

_Haley held her ground._

"_Baby, he's fine, look, he's laughing, he already has friends. And he's got his mom's brains. He'll be okay."_

_She sighed, and they walked away from the school arm in arm._

_

* * *

  
_

An annoying ringing disturbed her blissful memory as she and Jamie walked into their house. Jamie headed for the TV and Haley rushed to answer it. "Hello?"

"Mrs. Scott?"

"Yes, who's calling please?"

"I'm Dr. Gilmore, from Tree Hill Hospital, I just received a call from the Indianapolis hospital, and I have a rather startling discovery regarding your husband, Nathan Scott."

"Um, Doctor, I mean no disrespect but I buried my husband, and I really can't handle that wound being opened again."

Hearing the doctor's response, Haley's eyes nearly popped out of her head.

"I-I'll be right there." She slammed the phone on the receiver and grabbed her keys. "Jamie, let's go!" she shouted and held out her arm for her son, clutched his hand, and dragged him along as she ran to the car.


	5. World Spins Madly On

five.

"Where are we going Momma?" Jamie asked excitedly, bouncing in his car-seat. "We never go out of the house for fun!"

This was true, Haley noted sadly. "You know what, bud? You're right. We are gonna go get pizza for dinner! And if you're extra good, maybe ice-cream later!"

"Yes!"

"I hate to break it to you, but we have to stop at the hospital first for a …check-up."

"I hate those," Jamie complained.

"No, sweetie, it's for me. I'm just going to talk to a doctor and then we can go, okay?"

Smiling at a sigh of relief and a nod from her son, reality dawned on Haley. What was she thinking? Rushing out of the house without hesitation, dragging her son into this? It was impulsive and naïve, and stupid. Very, _very_ stupid, she scolded herself. All the doctor said was "I'd like to talk to you in person about the survior from your husband's flight." Just because this man was one of the passengers whom Nathan had spent his last hours with, it still had no relevance to her. What was she doing? _Turn around and go home_, her mind screamed at her. Yet she kept driving.

"Haley Scott?" the receptionist asked Haley, who nodded. "Next door on your left."

Haley squeezed Jamie's hand. "Okay, Jamie. You stay here, bud, and I'll be out in a second."

Dr. Gilmore got up to shake Haley's hand. "Mrs. Scott," he greeted.

"Haley is fine. Dr. Gilmore, I just jumped in the car without thinking and I really can't see what any of this has to do with me."

"Please have a seat, Haley. This is going to be a lot to handle, I know, and I would not have brought you here unless I was completely sure of what I'm saying with the medical facts to prove it."

He placed two photgraphs in front of Haley. One was of Nathan, she loved that picture, it was in a newspaper article about his journey back to the NBA. The other was of a man she didn't know.

"That is, obviously, your husband, and the other photograph is of Steven Montgomery."

She smiled. "They could be twins." The two did bear a striking resemblance to each other. The news report hadn't entered her mind until now, but the description of Steven Montgomery could have been of her husband. Dark hair, blue eyes, even their height and age was the same.

"Right, but after a deadly crash, 'like twins' becomes," he placed another two photos in front of her, "unidentifiable."

She gasped. Pain similar to that of being stabbed by a knife struck her. The photos were of two burned, bruised, mangled bodies. One was labeled 'deceased' and one was not. Tears flooded her eyes; she couldn't bear to see this. Shoving them away from her and wiping her tears she demanded to know why she was seeing this.

"I don't quite know how to do this, it's not something I've ever had to do before, although unfortunately there have been cases like this…as I said, your husband and Mr. Montgomery were very alike, and without identification…there has been a horrible case of mistaken identity, Haley. Mr. Montgomery's family began noticing small changes as he began to heal, and after blood testing, checking dental records…well, it was clear that the man they thought was Steven—was not. His name is Nathan Scott." He waited for her reaction.

Her heart was pounding in her chest. "No, no, no. Nathan is not lying in some hospital, alive, in Indianapolis! I was at his funeral. I—I—this isn't possible, this isn't real!"

"I know it is impossible to believe, but I can show you all the absolute data that proves your husband is alive. The man you buried was Steven Montgomery."

*****

Words could not explain how she felt then—confused, doubtful, shocked, thrilled, heartbroken. She talked to the doctor for another few minutes, seeking further clarification, making sure this was really happening.

"He's in a coma?" she asked with a heavy heart.

"Yes, we will have a helicopter fly him to this hospital where you can be with him. Steven will be taken home also."

"Is it dangerous?" How long will it take?"

"Slightly, but their best team will be on it. The flight is quick, but with all of the prepping necessary, probably a few hours over the time it would take to drive there."

"No, it's dangerous and the last time he flew he never came home. Please do not fly him here."

*****

In the car once again, Haley embarked on the longest journey of her life. She had gone to get pizza and ice cream with Jamie, and the conversation they had was harder than the one she had just contradicted. She hardly understood this herself, and explaining it to her son was an inconceivable task. After dropping him off at Lucas's and hurriedly explaining to him and Peyton, she was on the road again. She blinked through her tears, due to the overwhelming emotions she was experiencing, and focused on the road. She was on her way to see the person she thought she would never see again.

Running through the hospital seeking room 211, she stopped in the doorway. A heartbreaking and beautiful sight met her eyes. He was broken and pale as a ghost, but it was undeniable. He was her Nathan. Her Nathan alive; her Nathan breathing. Tears poured down her cheeks like rain and she ran towards him, kissing his hands, his arms, his shoulders, his neck, his chest, every inch of his face. Her sobs never ceased as she lay down next to him, careful not to even come near any wires, and clung to him for dear life. She felt completely whole, fixed, healed…all the things she would never feel without him.

For days, she sat by his side, checking in on Jamie daily. Just as he had when she was hit by a car, Haley never let go of Nathan's hand. She hardly slept, afraid to waste precious time with him. Still clutching his hand with both of hers, she rested her head on his arm and closed her eyes while fighting to stay awake.

"Haley," a hoarse voice croaked.


	6. Save You

six.

"Haley," a hoarse voice croaked. The voice she was terrified of forgetting; the voice she had only been able to hear when she called his voicemail every night; the voice she prayed and prayed to hear again; the voice that was music to her ears. Her eyes flew open and met her favorite two eyes staring back at her. Immediately bursting into tears of happiness, she crashed into him. "Nathan," she blubbered, rejoicing at the feel of his arms around her.

"Come here, you," he whispered and his voice cracked. Haley reached over to hold a glass of water to his dry lips before lying next to him and being cradled in his arms. "I'm so sorry," she cried while kissing every inch of him once again.

"What? Why?"

"Because I left you here all alone for weeks…I didn't know, I came as soon as I could, I'm sorry…" Nathan stopped her by gently kissing her lips.

"What are you talking about?"

She took a deep breath. "I thought you were dead," she looked up at him with sad eyes, shocked by a chuckle from Nathan.

"You what?"

"We're in Indianapolis, not Tree Hill. After the plane crash, they misidentified you. They told me you were dead and they thought you were some guy named Steven," she explained in a very simplified version, her eyes glued to him awaiting his reaction.

Nathan's eyes widened, trying to comprehend what he had just been told, but he quickly realized what that must have done to his friends, his son, his Haley… words escaped him, so he pulled her tighter to him and held the back of her head while she cried, stroking her hair. Hardly any words were shared between them that night, aside from a thousand "I love you"s and countless "I'm okay"s. For hours they stared into each other's eyes without an inch of space between them. Nathan eventually drifted to sleep while Haley reveled at the feel of Nathan's chest moving against her as he breathed. That simple movement that proved he was alive, that he was in fact okay—that they were okay, was unnoticed and taken for granted by most, but it meant everything to her.

Within a few days, Nathan was released from the hospital, and the one they thought they had lost forever was back home again. Everyone was crying when all their friends greeted them when they got home—they had driven, no way were they getting on a plane. Each person hugged Nathan like they would never let go. But it was Jamie's reunion with his father that made Haley clutch her heart in hopes that it wouldn't combust. Tears streaming down his face, their son ran sprinted to Nathan, flung himself in his arms and neither moved an inch for what seemed an eternity. "I though you were gone like Quentin," Jamie whispered. "No, Jamie, I'm okay…I'm not going anywhere," he said turning around to smile at Haley, who leaned down to put her arms around her husband and son. Everyone looked adoringly at the family, finally together again.

At first Haley thought it would be weird to have him home, after mourning Nathan and trying to grow accustomed to being without him, but it felt completely normal. What was weird was when he **wasn't** home. Haley had a difficult time tearing her eyes from Nathan, ever...she always made sure he was in her line of vision, and she unconsciously followed him around. If he left the room, so would she. She needed to be with him. The three had a much needed family night, the plan was to watch a movie, but their eyes mostly looked at each other and rarely at the screen. Later, Nathan looked over to see Jamie curled up in Haley's lap, both asleep. He smiled, he loved the closeness between Haley and Jamie, and kissed her forehead, whispering that she and Jamie should go up to bed.

"I'm not tired," Haley insisted, jolting upright, and Jamie, who would've fallen off the couch if not for his mother's quick reaction to catch him, responded with a "me neither!!"

"Guys, I'll be fine, you're both exhausted, go."

Haley and Jamie didn't move an inch. "Okay, why don't we all go upstairs?" Nathan surrendered, getting up from the couch. They nodded and began to follow him, their moves awkward and tentative, close behind him. Haley never walked ahead of Nathan, never turned her back to him. When they reached Jamie's bedroom, both kissed him goodnight and walked down the hall hand in hand.

Haley walked towards the bathroom and stopped and tilted her head to rest it on the doorway while she watched him brush his teeth. He put the toothbrush down and turned to look at her. Their eyes met and she moved into his embrace, unspoken words melting between them as they desperately and passionately kissed. When they lied down in their bed, Haley felt the all too familiar tears slide down her face once again. Breaking their kiss, Nathan wiped her tears, pain knotting in his stomach at seeing her like this. "Would you just hold me?" Haley asked, slightly stuttering, yearning for the comfort she had missed so much. He immediately complied, pulling her against him. She held him so tightly that his skin was red under her fingers. "I missed you," she choked.

He trailed kisses down her neck. "I'm here. Nothing is ever going to happen to me, or you, or Jamie. We'll always be together, I'll always be here for you, I'm never leaving you again," he whispered persistently.

She nodded, her tears falling thick and fast. She listened to his breathing, felt his heart beating, savored the feel of him, telling her he was here, he was fine, he was hers. A lump formed in Nathan's throat when he felt her shaking against him. "I'm here," he repeated, clinging to the love of his life, desperately needing to heal her, needing to erase whatever insecurities and pain she felt. "I'm here."


	7. Rains Here Too

seven.

Haley and Nathan spent every waking hour together; no one could tear them apart. They spent a lot of time with Jamie, basking in the feel of being a family again. Nathan wasn't able to go completely back to his normal life until the doctors okayed a few things as he recovered. One was going back to the NBA and his basketball team, which was sure to take a while. This would've killed the highschool, pre-Haley Nathan, but post-Haley Nathan liked the time off. It gave him time to be with his family, and he knew that his body wasn't ready for it yet. Having so much time to be with his wife and son, however, made him think it wasn't only the state of his body that kept him away from basketball. The doctor also had yet to okay something else that he and Haley had missing…

"What is all this?" Haley sighed in disbelief upon walking into the house, candles lit everywhere and even rose petals leading up the steps. "You are such a romantic," she squeaked happily and went to kiss him.

"I got home from the doctor's today." He was beaming.

Her eyes lit up. "And?!"

"I can show you better than I can tell you," he said playfully as she shrieked and jumped into his arms.

Their mouths met and moved in blissful unity, each of them unleashing the want and lust they had been so valiantly masking. His hands tangled in her hair and she wrapped her arms around his neck, each of their hearts pounding and breathing becoming panting. Haley shrugged off Nathan's jacket as he pulled her sweater over her head and they began moving towards the steps. Haley yelped in surprise when he lifted her up and began to carry her up the stairs. "Are you sure you're okay to do this?" she asked worriedly.

"100%. I told you Haley I'm not going to leave you alone again, and I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize that promise."

She smiled as he placed her gently on the bed and positioned himself on top of her. "So how does it feel to be about to have sex with a dead guy?" he smirked.

"Nathan Scott, that is not funny," she gasped, but she laughed anyway and so did he. The movement of their laughter emphasized the closeness of their bodies, and that was the end of that conversation.

Haley snuggled against Nathan's bare chest. "What's on your mind?" he asked and swept a lock of hair away from her face.

"I just can't believe this is real, it's too miraculous, to unbelievable—I'm afraid life will find out how perfect this is now and take it away from us. Take you away from me. And I know I'm being a baby, I don't mean to be such a sap, I'm sorry, I just—"

"Shh, Haley, don't apologize. You've been through an incredibly traumatic experience, one that most people can hardly imagine. This is a normal reaction. I mean, God, if something happened to you…"

She shook her head, not wanting to go there. Silently agreeing to just be happy and cherish the moment instead of dwelling on what ifs, the couple entwined their bodies, receiving the comfort and peace they could only find in true love, what they would only ever find in each other.

After that night, and countless others like it, Haley was finally able to truly sleep, now with him by her side. A few weeks later, with Haley next to him in a deep slumber, Nathan was jerked awake. His eyes flew open, his heart was beating in a jagged rhythm, and he was covered in sweat. He sat up, putting his hands over his head to calm himself down and got up, careful not to wake his wife. His efforts were to no avail—she had slept in their bed alone before, she knew that loneliness. She didn't need to open her eyes to realize Nathan's absence. She depended on him to sleep now possibly even more than before, and she wasn't about to be alone without him for another second. Quickly throwing the covers off, Haley looked through the hallway and headed downstairs where she found him sitting on the couch.

"Nathan?" She gasped when he turned to look at her, the blood was drained from his face and his eyes were bloodshot.

"Go back to bed Haley," he sighed.

"No," she said, a little hurt by his coldness, "are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You're lying," she said, sitting next to him, placing one arm around him. "You're—you're shaking, Nathan."

"Haley, I'm fine," he said with a hint of harshness. Seeing her wounded look, he faked a smile. "I'm sorry, I just need a minute." He rubbed her lower back. "Really, go ahead up to bed and I'll be there before you know it."

"I don't want to. I can just be here with you," she said, leaning into him. She wondered what brought this on but she figured he needed some of the healing he had done for her lately, just being there, close to each other. She stroked his cheek, and her hand lingered on the fading scar from the crash and she felt him quiver.

He averted his face. "Hales, go bed," he said again, but kissed her temple this time. When she didn't move, he told her again, making it sound more like a command.

Nodding without looking in his eyes, she slowly walked upstairs but passed their bedroom door and climbed into Jamie's bed. Her arms folded around him and he instinctively snuggled closer to her. She didn't know what was wrong with Nathan, but she knew he needed his space, and she needed one of her boys with her.

The next morning, Haley stood over the stove and Nathan came downstairs, but instead of wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her good morning as he usually did, he just sat at the table. She ignored it and served him breakfast then passing a smaller plate to Jamie. "Where'd you go last night?" he asked, although he knew the answer, he was really seeking the reason.

"To my room," Jamie answered, chomping on a piece of bacon. "How come, Momma?" he asked, interrupting his parents' staring contest.

"I told you I get scared sometimes," Haley answered and ruffled his hair. "I don't like being alone," she added, throwing a glance at Nathan. Jamie nodded in satisfaction but Nathan was hit with guilt at the sadness he saw in her eyes.

Nathan became more and more distant as days passed. He and Haley barely spoke, but they were always looking at each other, at a loss for words to say but not wanting to tear their eyes away. Despite whatever was troubling Nathan and eating at Haley, every night, they would hold each other close as if nothing was wrong, as if there wasn't something threatening to tear them apart. They just needed each other. Every night, Nathan would wake up in the same disheveled state and flee from the room. And every night, Haley would wait until he was gone and sneak into Jamie's room.

One day when Jamie was at school, Haley and Nathan were on opposite sides of the house, both staring blankly at the wall. With a surge of courage, Haley marched up to him. "What is wrong with you?" she demanded. "You hardly talk to me, you hardly talk to our son, you're like a ghost around here. I gave you your space, but I'm tired of playing this game. What is going on?"

He ignored her.

Haley fought the urge to stagger back as if she'd been slapped. This was not Nathan. Not her Nathan at least. "You said you weren't going anywhere," she whispered, traitor tears threatening to betray her.

"I'm right in front of you, Haley," he said, glaring.

"No. No you're not, not really. I don't know what is going on with you, and I just want to help you. Please let me."

"Mind your own business," he grumbled.

Anger rushed through her. "No, dammit, I am your wife! Your business is my business! Whatever this is that you're going through, do not think for a second you're going through it alone! It's not personal; it's not just your problem. This is tearing me apart, Nathan!" she screamed, but it was difficult to look angry with tears pouring down her face.

Softness graced his features for the first time in a while and he got up to put his arms around her. He flicked her tears away with his thumb and they stood in silence, holding onto each other as if their lives depended on it. He was haunted; he couldn't focus, he couldn't make this go away and pretend to be normal again with his family. But seeing her in pieces like this broke his heart; he needed to feel her and make her okay even if he couldn't let her in and do what she wanted.

He was confusing the hell out of her. "Don't do this to us," she said, using all her strength. "Don't take us back there, not again, not after how far we've come. I don't know what to do for you Nathan! I can't if you just shut me out." She stepped away from him, sniffling and wiping her tears away.

"Don't push me away," he said softly, ignoring her plea, and pulled her back into his arms. She let him. "Don't push _you_ away, Nathan?! Fine. Return the favor." With that, she moved out of his embrace and left, in need of fresh air. He wanted to call out to her, to tell her to come back, to tell her he was sorry, to explain everything. But words escaped him.


	8. Bold As Love

eight.

Realizing she had driven past Tric for the seventh time, Haley began to question what it was she was doing. Running away. That was the answer whether she was willing to admit it or not. And it was more pathetic than that. She was running away…in circles. Whatever was going on with Nathan scared her, really, really scared her and she wasn't sure what to do. She argued with herself for what seemed like hours and resorted to defending her outburst. Just because she almost lost Nathan didn't mean she could never be mad at him again. Then suddenly her mind stopped whizzing and everything paused. _She almost lost Nathan_. Tires squealed and Haley was headed home.

"Nathan!" Haley called, flinging the door open. No response. She began walking through the house. "Nathan? Look I'm sorry for storming out, I didn't mean to act like that. I'm done yelling, I just want to talk…actually, we don't have to talk at all, it's just—" And then her heart stopped.

Nathan was crumpled on the floor, gasping for breath. "Oh my God!" Haley panicked, crouching down to him. She immediately cradled him and yanked out her cell phone to dial 911 saying repeatedly to him, "it's okay, you're okay." Shocking her, Nathan stopped Haley's dialing by grabbing her hand. When she looked at him, pleading, he shakily shook his head no and pulled her closer to him. He crushed her against him as she franticly searched him with her eyes for any injuries. Without words, Haley desperately held onto her husband on their kitchen floor as she listened to his breathing slow and become less and less pained.

*****

"Are you sure you're okay?" Haley asked for the thousandth time after Nathan's panic attack. He simply nodded and kissed her forehead.

"I'm sorry I haven't let you in, Haley, I don't want to shut you out," he started and took a deep breath. This would nearly kill him, but he had to do it. He had to tell her. "It started a while ago, I had a pretty graphic dream about…about the plane crash." Her face fell and she pressed her forehead to his. "Oh, Nathan," she sighed, her voice full of compassion. How had she been so horribly misunderstanding?

"Well, the dreams just wouldn't stop, they keep getting worse and worse and they became all I could think about and I stopped responding to anything. Please just don't think it had anything to do with you, I hated seeing you upset, but I couldn't do anything, I just couldn't…" Haley saw the internal struggle in Nathan's eyes.

"It's okay, Nathan, I understand. You don't have to talk about it anymore if you don't want to," she said soothingly.

"No, no, I do have to. That's the problem. It was horrible. Everything was on fire, everyone was…my God, there were children…" his eyes watered and he pressed harder into Haley's arms. "Haley, I—I don't know how to tell you this, but I think…I think that Steven guy they thought was me… I think he saved my life. He gave me his oxygen mask when it was too late for me to get mine. And he _died_, Haley. And I feel like…like…he should be alive, not me."

Fighting tears herself, Haley said, "Nathan, they're just dreams. And, I don't know, maybe that is how your memory is restoring itself, maybe that really is what happened. But either way, it means that **you are supposed to be here**. _You are_. I am so sorry for Steven and all the people that were killed in the crash…all their families must be devastated. But ours isn't. Nathan, when you were gone, it felt like nothing was going to be okay ever again. Even as time passed, none of us healed, not even slightly. It never got easier. Jamie was traumatized, I was a mess, everything was empty. _You are supposed to be on this planet_, Nathan Scott. And if you don't think it's for yourself then it's for me, for Jamie, for everyone who cannot live without you. And let me tell you, that is a pretty big number."

He nodded closed his eyes, his heart aching for the people he didn't even think to look twice at on the plane, the people who lost their lives, they were all gone—he felt so unworthy to be the only one to survive. It would haunt him for the rest of his life, but he was instantly comforted at put at peace at Haley's words. "God, I love you, Haley," he sighed and she smiled with wet eyes. "We are supposed to grow old together, baby, that has been proven time after time. Chris Kellers, Crazy Carries, car crashes, rivers, music tours, [Censored] fathers named Dan—they've all tried. No plane crash is gonna stop us."

"I told you I knew you would be the one wheeling me around when I'm eighty. I guess that requires me making it to eighty," he said with a shrug and squeezed her shoulders.

"You better."

"And the same goes for you, my wife—always," he said pointing his finger at her.

"I'm not going anywhere, husband—forever."

Nathan continued to have dreams about the crash, but they affected him much less now that it wasn't festering within him and had Haley's ear, comforting touch, and endless support. Things were back to normal quicker than Haley had thought possible and Jamie was thrilled to have his dad back. She was thrilled to have her husband back.

"Nathan!" Haley yelled excitedly, the phone falling from her hand. "Peyton's having the baby!"

Nathan's mouth fell. "I'll go get Jamie!"

The Scotts waited impatiently in the waiting room. Jamie was asking question after question, Haley was humming distractedly, and Nathan's foot tapped anxiously. "Do you think it's a girl or boy?" Haley asked happily.

"I hope it's a boy! I want a little brother so bad! A boy little cousin would be even better," Jamie answered. "Yeah, I think it'll be a boy," Nathan agreed.

"It's a girl!" Lucas's exultant voice exclaimed and Haley ran to her best friend, who lifted her off the ground and spun her around. "And a boy," he smirked.

"What?!" Nathan and Haley shouted in unison.

"Twins! We wanted it to be a surprise," Lucas said, ecstatic.

Haley's eyes widened. "I can't believe you didn't tell me! Oh, I'm too happy for you to be annoyed. I want to see them!"

Nathan chuckled at his overjoyed wife who pushed past him to run into the room and heard her squeal Peyton's name.

"They're precious, Peyton!" Haley ran to hug one of her best friends, careful of the two infants sleeping in the new mother's arms.

"Those are some gorgeous kids, P. Sawyer, nice work," Nathan said with a smile upon entering the room.

Peyton was glowing. "This is Anna Elizabeth Scott," she said nodding to the bundle of pink blankets lying in her right arm. "And these, Anna, are your godparents," she said looking up to Nathan and Haley with a smile. Haley's hands flew to her heart. "Really?! Oh Peyton we're so honored."

"Dude, that's awesome, thanks Luke," Nathan said and hugged his brother.

"So who is this darling boy?" Haley asked, "And where's his godmother?"

"That," Brooke said, skipping into the room as if on cue, "is my second godson Keith Davis Scott!" Brooke kissed the newborn's head and then her best friend's cheek. "We should start a club," Brooke announced and picked up Jamie. "Aunt Brooke's favorite boys. No parents allowed," she laughed. "How do you like your new cousins, Jim-Jam?"

"They're cool," Jamie said with a shrug. "They don't look very fun though," he whispered in her ear and everyone laughed. "Oh, you just wait, they'll be a blast," Haley said, throwing a knowing glance at Peyton with a slight smile. "Alright buddy, let's get out of here and let them rest," Haley told Jamie in the kind motherly voice Nathan loved so much.

"Definitely," Brooke agreed. "The poor girl just shoved two watermelons out of a pinhole," she said out of the corner of her mouth to Haley, who laughed. "Yeah, if memory serves me correctly it's not too much fun."

"Come on, dinner's on me, we'll celebrate the brand new Scotts," Nathan said to Haley, Jamie, and Brooke. "We'll call Mouth and Skills too." After twenty minutes of congratulations, coos, kisses, and hugs, the four finally left the room, stopping to admire the new family through the window in the door. Lucas lay down next to Peyton in the hospital bed and took Anna in his arms. He kissed both of his children and then his wife. Brooke and Haley aww-ed in unison and Nathan laughed. Turning away, Brooke took Jamie's hand and Nathan wrapped his arm around Haley's shoulder while hers snaked around his waist and godparents, best friend, and cousin left the hospital, all smiling proudly.

*****

"Please, Haley," Peyton begged over the phone. "Lucas is gone and Brooke is busy and Anna and Keith are both crying and I'm so tired and you're a mom and you're good with babies and I haven't gotten any sleep and Jamie's in school so you have the time and have I mentioned how tired I am??"

"Alright, I'm on my way, don't worry. Just try not to pass out until I get there okay?"

"I make no promises!"

Haley laughed. She remembered being a new mom, it was exhausting—she had had Karen at times like this and Peyton would have her.

"Where are you off to?" Nathan asked sneaking up behind her, his arms winding around her waist.

"I'm gonna go help Peyton out with the babies, she's pretty tired. And I haven't forgotten the dark circles I swore would never go away when Jamie was a baby so I'm happy to help."

"That's sweet of you, Hales. Man, it seems like that was a lifetime ago. You ever miss having a baby around?"

She twisted in his arms to face him. "Sometimes, like when I see how big Jamie's getting, I just want him to stay my baby boy forever. But then I get pleading phone calls from Peyton and I'm reminded that it's not all fun and games," she said as she kissed his cheek. "Well I'm off, I'll probably be a while. I think I'm going to walk; I could use the fresh air. Let's see…I have the laundry done, Jamie's snack is packed in the lunchbox on the counter. Oh, could you pick him up at three and take him to his afterschool class? Also, I've been picking up Peyton's work at red Bedroom Records, there's a few demos laying around somewhere. I'll listen to those later, and I wrote a new song! The CD's on the piano if you want to hear it, or I could play it for you later. One more thing!"

What else could she possibly have missed? Nathan wondered in awe. Haley ran up him and kissed him. "Love you!"

Nathan smiled. His girl was a superhero.

Just as he had turned around to head upstairs, he heard Haley's voice sound strongly outside. "Get the hell away from me," she warned. In two seconds he was at the window and his nostrils flared with anger as he saw a man grabbing his wife's arm. He flew out the door—he didn't even have shoes on—and was at her side in an instant. "Back off," he growled with fire in his eyes and clenched his fists. Haley sighed with relief when she saw him, but she didn't look scared, just a hint of panicked. Nathan heard her gasp before he saw the man's right hand inches away from his face. With fleeting movements, he pushed Haley behind him, swerved his head and hit the man in the stomach, making him draw back. He looked as if he was debating what his next move would be, but Nathan's defensive position in front of Haley and the threatening look on Nathan's face prompted the man to give up and run off. "Are you okay?" Nathan asked worriedly, puling her into his arms.

"Yeah, I don't what that was… I think he wanted to rob me but I didn't have my purse or anything. I mean that was really weird, nothing like that has ever happened around here, it was so random. Are you okay?"

If Nathan wasn't so worried about her, he would've laughed. Only Haley would immediately be analyzing something like this. "Hales, I'm fine. I swear to God if he ever comes near you again he won't be though." Anger was still surging through him.

"Well, thank you for rescuing me, my knight in shining armor," Haley said, reaching up on her tiptoes to kiss Nathan, "But I have a very desperate friend who needs me and I've got to get going before all hell breaks loose."

"I'll come with you," he insisted. There was no chance he was letting her out of his sight.

"Oh, that's not necessary, I—" he already had his arm around her and began walking. "I would love the company," she finished and reached up to where his hand laid to interlace their fingers.

"HALEY!" Peyton exclaimed, stumbling into Haley and wrapping her arms around her. "I love you, you know that?"

"Mhm. Okay, P. Sawyer, I've got it from here, get some sleep."

Peyton noticed Nathan. "Hey Nate, you staying? If you are, good, because two babies is a lot of babies, and one girl cannot handle them all by herself." Peyton was so exhausted she sounded drunk.

"Well, I wasn't planning on it, but if Haley needs me to, I can."

"No, I'll be fine, you have to pick up Jamie anyway."

"Okay. Please be careful, lock the doors, and please do not leave here without me. Just call me when Luke gets home and I'll come pick you up, okay?" He planted a kiss on Haley's forehead, waved to Peyton, and left with one paranoid glance around.

"Why the bodyguard today?" Peyton asked in a breathy voice.

"Long story," Haley sighed, picking up little Keith and gently rocking him. "What happened was—" she stopped and chuckled. Peyton was already fast asleep.


	9. Borrowed Time

nine.

That was him. She was sure of it. Unkempt and greasy black hair, grayish eyes, wrinkled black t-shirt, ripped jeans. Her heartbeat accelerated as she watched the man that had tried to rob her walk back and forth past the house. Holding tightly onto Anna and making sure all the doors and windows were locked, Haley sat in a corner of the house and sang to the twins more to calm herself than them, lightly stoking Keith's arm and cradling Anna. She didn't want to wake up Peyton, but if he got any closer she would have to. Two women and two babies. It was the perfect setting for a horror story. Her head snapped around as she heard loud knocking at the door. Her mind went through protocol for this situation. She really had no clue, but she figured don't open or go anywhere near the door, hide the babies, prepare for him to break in, fight like hell. She began to slowly move towards Peyton when she heard Lucas's voice. "Peyton? Let me in!" She exhaled heavily and almost laughed. She had gotten herself all worked up and it was Lucas at the door. "Haley?" Lucas tilted his head in confusion when he saw her open the door. Then realization washed over his face. "I left her alone with the twins. She hasn't slept in like two days." His facial expression and tone of voice made it seem like he was about to slap his head and proclaim that he should've had a V8.

"Um, yeah, way to go genius. She called about 20 minutes after you left. Peyton and Keith are asleep but Anna's pretty restless, so have fun with that. Unless you need me to help out, I'm gonna get going. Oh, crap. Well, you are blessed with my presence for a while longer, lucky you, Nathan wants to pick me up. I'll text him now."

Lucas laughed at Haley's false narcissism. "Hales, you do know you live like five minutes away right?"

"Yeahhhhh, well I kinda almost got robbed today and now Nathan won't let me go anywhere alone."

"What?! Are you okay?"

Haley laughed at his worried expression. "I feel so bad for Anna, she's got to grow up with two overprotective Scott men in her life. Poor thing."

"Three," Nathan said as he opened the door and entered Luke's house. "I'm sure Jamie here will include himself in that group."

"Momma!" Jamie jumped into Haley's arms and hopped down to high-five Uncle Lucas.

"Look, baby, all in one piece!" Haley said with sarcastic enthusiasm to Nathan and went to kiss him briefly.

"Yeah, yeah. Ready to go?" Haley looked at Lucas silently asking his permission.

"I'll manage, you guys go ahead."

Haley waved at the babies and their father then pointed at Peyton. "Let her sleep!" Jamie sped to the car, followed by Nathan and Haley, and then it was just Lucas left to the silence. He smiled with pride at his sleeping wife, who had recently been amazing him. She was a phenomenal mother, so caring, and nearly omnipotent. She would get up and rush to the crib before he even saw or heard one of their children stir. She and Haley had become the dream team—he feared for anyone in their way. Lucas knew a good mother when he saw one, he grew up with the best, and his wife and best friend were so incredible it was unbelievable, staggering sometimes.

"Race you to the rivercourt!" Jamie yelled, running ahead of his parents and giving them an excited look. "Come on, Daddy, I bet I'll beat you!"

"Hey! Why can't I play?" Haley said, faking a pout.

"Okay. Me and Momma against Daddy!" Jamie called and picked up a basketball. He passed it towards his mother but she was too busy howling with laughter upon being thrown over Nathan's shoulder. "He's cheating, Jamie, no fair, get him!"

Jamie ran to his father and started tickling him until Nathan dropped Jamie's teammate and raced to the hoop. "You're too fast," Nathan complained, running in slow motion behind Jamie. Haley's hands flew in the air and she went to high-five Jamie when he made a basket. "And the Momma's Boy takes the lead!" she exclaimed.

"Momma's Boy? Is that really the best name you could come up with?" Nathan teased and blocked her shot.

"Hey! I birthed him, I can give him whatever name I want!" She winked at Jamie, whose eyebrows furrowed, clearly freaked out by the birth reference. "And how come you let Jamie win but not me?"

His arms wrapped around her and he bent down to nuzzle her ear. "You get a different kind of benefit."

She giggle. "Oh, I like the way you think." His lips pressed gently against hers and waited for her wordless reply. Her arms lifted to lock around his neck and he gripped her tightly, his lips beginning to move more seriously against hers.

"Ewwwwwww!" Jamie whined, "Gross!"

Haley and Nathan's lips could no longer properly function as smiles tugged at the corners of their mouths. Haley turned to look sheepishly at her son and Nathan shrugged an apology, both refraining from laughter. "Alright, let's get this game back on!" Nathan said and snatched the ball that had fallen forgotten on the ground. He handed it to Haley, who shot the ball before Nathan knew what was happening. "You rock, Momma!" Jamie exclaimed when the ball swished through the basket. Nathan lightly bumped Haley's side. "Yeah, and she learned it all from me."

_"Was that your jump shot? Cause if that was your jump shot, I can't date you anymore," he said, smiling, as he caught the ball and walked towards Haley. "My mom said you'd be here, something about a grade?"_

_"Yeah, you cannot be here right now."_

_"Why not?"_

_"Because I look stupid!"_

_"You realize I've seen you in that crochet poncho thing you wear right?" he said with a smirk and handed her the ball._

_Rolling her eyes and taking the ball, she responded, "Come on, this is embarrassing, I want you to think I'm…not embarrassing."_

_"You don't embarrass me, Haley," he said seriously._

_"Oh? Yeah? Okay," she cleared her throat, looked at him with raised eyebrows, and threw the ball in an attempt to shoot—it didn't even make it to the basket, instead it landed in Nathan's hands._

_He smiled. "Okay, I take that back."_

_"I can't do it," she smiled._

_"Yes, you can." He stepped next to her. "Alright, square your shoulders to the basket, and you got to bring the ball up right past your nose like this—" she mimicked his actions –"bend your knees a little." He handed her the ball and stood behind her._

_"Relax your hips." He placed his hands on her hips and slightly pushed them down. She smiled. "Just shoot," he said in her ear. She did, and to her disappointment it bounced off the rim. This was impossible._

_"Okay, that wasn't perfect, but it also wasn't embarrassing. It was actually kinda sexy."_

_

* * *

  
_

She smiled at the memory and bumped Nathan back. "Whatever, Momma's got game now!"

"She sure does," Nathan agreed. "Alright, Jim-Jam, it's getting dark, let's head home. Pizza and movie night?" Jamie nodded animatedly, but the mother in Haley cringed. "No way, we have pizza too much. I'll cook tonight. With vegetables!" Haley said the last sentence in a spooky voice and tickled Jamie's stomach, resulting in an eruption of giggles and an overly dramatic "Oh no!"

"Not vegetables," Nathan groaned with a devilish smile at his wife. "Fine, but that means we're watching a superhero movie!"

"Okay, okay," Haley sighed and they all got in the car to go home. Haley did a double take driving past the street before theirs when she saw out of the corner of her eye a man walking alone—unkempt and greasy black hair, grayish eyes, wrinkled black t-shirt, ripped jeans. She shook it off and told herself she was imagining things, but on the way into the house Haley gripped Jamie's shoulders and hovered close to Nathan.

"Mmm, thanks for dinner Momma!" Jamie said with an innocent smile, shooting sideways glances to the TV and slowly retreating.

"Hold it!" He stopped dead in his tracks. Almost made it. "Finish those vegetables, mister." Nathan hid a chuckle and added, "And finish that milk!"

"My friends say you guys are cool, psh," Jamie snorted.

"Watch it, we're still cool enough to let you have a movie tonight, you don't want to mess that up," Nathan said, raising his eyebrows.

"Fiiiiiiine," Jamie dragged out. When he finished and sped away to set up the movie, Nathan looked at Haley with his jaw slightly dropped. "Hales. We are those typical parents. Those 'Eat your vegetables' parents. When did this happen?" he asked with a laugh.

"Weird, huh?"

"Kinda fun," he smirked and she nodded, her eyes sparkling.

"Wait wait wait!" Haley called, running down the stairs. She plopped down on the couch next to Nathan and placed Jamie on her lap. "Okay, go ahead. What're we watching?"

"Hulk. The cartoon one," Jamie responded with a grin stretching to his ears.

"Not again," Nathan and Haley complained simultaneously. The response was an evil chortle from their son. Haley claimed to be immune to comic book violence, but for the majority of the movie she slouched behind Jamie's shoulder and inched progressively closer to Nathan. Nearly half of the way through, Haley nudged Nathan and nodded towards the already sleeping child in her arms. He picked him up gently and carried him upstairs to lay him in his bed.

When Haley bent down to kiss him goodnight, a tiny hand took hold of wrist and wouldn't let go. She smiled at the now open droopy eyes of her young son. "Story?" he asked hopefully. Both Nathan and Haley climbed into Jamie's bed and lay next to him. Nathan rested his head against Jamie's headboard and watched Haley read to their son. The smile never left his face as he watched her face and voice change with the story. Once Jamie had fallen asleep once again, Haley lightly kissed the top of his head, quietly shut the book, and somehow found a way to put it away on the bookshelf behind him without disturbing Jamie who was resting against her. Nathan kissed her forehead and their eyes locked above Jamie's head. The world outside the bedroom window, the rest of Nathan's universe, seemed to stand still and centered around Haley and Jamie—his life, the two people he loved more than anything.

They both whispered goodnight to Jamie and nearly floated into their room. As they fell onto their bed, Nathan peppered kisses down Haley's neck. He whispered her name, lifting his head to look into her eyes. "You're such a fantastic mother, I mean it, it's breathtaking to watch." An absolutely smitten look of adoration was etched on his face and he leaned in to kiss her.

She blushed and smiled faintly. "You're not so bad yourself. Our son adores you."

"We are pretty good at this parenting stuff. And not to mention our kid is adorable."

"I'll make no argument there! What's all this about though?"

"I was just thinking…Anna and Keith got me thinking, actually…but last time I survived something I shouldn't have—" she gave him a look that said 'take that back,' but he continued—"last time, it was to bring a life into the world. A pretty great life. The one you can hear snoring across the hallway. And maybe this time, it's for the same reason. I want more kids with you, Hales, I would love to have a ton of little Haleys running around." A laugh brushed across her surprised expression. "And I'm not even saying really try for another baby yet, maybe just ease off birth control, and let life handle the rest. What happens happens." He took a deep breath and tried to interpret her reaction.

Her eyes glistened and the corners of her mouth curved. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yeah, I am. I'd love to have another baby around, our baby. And I want it to be planned, and I want to be really excited when you tell me, not freak out and run off. I've been thinking about it for a while, but I always thought we have time, and the plane crash made me realize how much I want this. What are your thoughts?"

"My thoughts? Well, I really like the the not running off part," she smiled, "and currently running through my mind are the phrases 'I love you' and 'Let's get started.'"

That was all he needed to hear.

*****

"It feels so good to have a day out! We should do this more often," Peyton said, her arm linked with Haley's. "Yesterday Anna and Keith were totally feeding off each other. They're best friends already, I swear, they communicate somehow. I thought plotting to drive Mom crazy wasn't until their teens." She stopped. "I'm going to be the mother of twin teenagers someday!" she gasped, dropping her head on Haley's shoulder and mock-sobbing.

Haley's eyes widened in shock and she stared at Peyton. "I'm closer than you are!"

"Whyyyyyy do they have to grow? Why?"

"I don't know. Because the world wants to torture us…" Haley snapped out of her gloomy trance. "Anna and Keith are so cute though, especially as they, gulp, get bigger. They're going to be so adorable—literally mini Lucas and Peyton."

"I know, I love their bond already. It's like I want them to stay helpless infants forever, but then I'm so excited to watch them grow up. Hormones are such a pain, right? Anyway, they're trouble though. Like I said, they feed off each other. They take turns crying. One stops, the other starts. Like clockwork."

"Babies have a sixth sense for that stuff. They push all the right buttons. One time when Jamie was about one, he was eating and decided he didn't like his food. I had just gotten out of the shower, hair done, new clothes, cleaned the kitchen—I was on fire. Then suddenly, it was everywhere. All over the room, I was covered in it. Guess what flavor baby food it was? Green beans. I was almost in tears," Haley laughed.

"You know, before having the twins, I would be on the floor laughing right now, but the only reaction I had was to remind myself never to feed them green bean baby food."

"Definitely. Under no circumstances should you get anywhere near that stuff."

Peyton laughed and nodded, cupping her hands over her eyes to peer into the window of Clothes Over Bros. "Where is she?"

"We told her two o'clock right?" Haley stepped up to the window too.

"SHUT UP!" that unmistakable voice roared from within. "Oh, you have got some nerve, mother, coming here to just bitch at me. I gave you the company, okay? That was supposed to get rid of you!" Brooke shoved Victoria out the door with a final "GET OUT!" and turned to see Peyton and Haley, gesturing with frustration towards her mother, who became the object of both Peyton and Haley's venomous death glares as she walked away from the store.

"I don't know how she sees with her nose so high in the air like that," Peyton grumbled.

"What was that about?"

Brooke sighed exasperatedly. "I'll tell you later, today is fun girls day. Now hand over the pictures and you have two minutes to brag about the kids."

Peyton and Haley laughed and reached into their purses and Brooke joined the chain by linking onto Haley's arm. The three best friends walked into town, sure their chatter and laughter could be heard from miles away.

* * *

Nathan walked into the house to the sound of sobbing. His heart stuttered. Haley? When he reached the living room, he relaxed. No, just Peyton and Brooke watching P.S. I Love You. Again. "Where's Hales?'

"In-in the k-k-kitchen making f-food," Brooke replied through her tears and Peyton nodded, the two huddling together to continue the movie.

"Hi baby."

"Nathan! You said you weren't gonna be home for a while, it's girls day."

"Hales, it's been like five hours."

"Oh…oops. Well just go hide somewhere until the movie's over," she winked.

"Oh come on, it's my house. And Nathan Scott is not whipped," he said proudly.

She raised her eyes. "You'll be rewarded."

"Okay." He sped out of the kitchen.

"Okay, guys, the soup was really bad, I guess it was spoiled or something. So I made popcorn instead, try not to get it too soggy, you crybabies."

But by the end of the movie, Haley was crying harder than Brooke and Peyton combined. Wrong movie choice for the woman who was in a similar situation not too long ago.

Brooke's eyes got huge when reality dawned on her. "Ohmygosh Haley, I'm so sorry, I didn't even think."

Sniffling, Haley smiled sadly. "It's okay, really, just…if you guys don't mind I'm gonna go spend some time with Nathan." They readily complied. "Luke's probably going crazy anyway. And I'm sure you want to spend some time with the kids, Brooke." A motherly expression that said 'say yes or else' was displayed on Peyton's face.

"You bet I do. Bye Hales, we'll call you tomorrow. Go be Tutor Wife!"

Nathan crept downstairs. "Are they gone?"

"Oh stop, they're not that bad."

"Nah, but their presence prevents me from doing this…" He pulled her close to him and captured her lips between his. Their mouths never parted as they moved against the wall, her leg wrapping around his waist. A breathy moan escaped her lips when his tongue slid into her mouth and romance and passion formed between them, their bodies nearly on fire. He tore his lips from hers and her head rolled back when he kissed her neck, making a mark he knew she would kill him for tomorrow. Filled with need for him, she grabbed his head to bring his mouth back to hers and he whispered against her lips. She pulled back with a jolt.

"Oh, um, we don't have to," Nathan said with confusion when he saw her horrified look.

"No, no, it's not that…I have to—" She sprinted to the bathroom. Nathan grimaced when he heard her throw up, but he was a trooper and held her hair the whole time. "Damn soup," she muttered.

*****

"I'm going to stay home today, I still feel kinda weird...plus, I'm, uh, waiting on a call," Haley told Nathan nervously a few days later, but he didn't notice the hesitation in her voice. He bent down to kiss her, but she turned her head to the side so he landed on her cheek. "I'm gonna need some mouthwash first," she said with a sheepish smile.

He laughed. "Right. Well, call me if you need anything, and I'll be home soon. Love you."

"You too!" she called as he shut the door behind him. Haley turned to get a glass of water but something in the window of their neighbor's house made her stop. Unkempt and greasy black hair, grayish eyes, wrinkled black t-shirt, ripped jeans. She squeezed her eyes shut and when she opened them he was gone. Her mind was playing tricks on her, there was no way the robber was in their next door neighbor's house. The phone ringing made her jump and interrupted her train of thought. She raced to answer it. "Hello? Yes. Really?! Oh, thank you so much!"

She hung up, a broad smile lingering on her face. How would she tell Nathan?


	10. Ashes and Wine

**A/N: hi all :) okay, so i usually don't do authors notes on here simply because I just like to keep each update strictly about the story. There are plenty of authors notes, thoughts, and song recommendations for each chapter on . The story is posted under the same title and my username is hannahlovesnaley23. I know, I know, so original. Anyway feel free to check that out or say hi if you're a member.**

**Thank you to all who have reviewed/subscribed/favorited this story, it is incredibly sweet and much appreciated. but the reason for this rare author's note is to say thank you thank you thank you! and to explain the chapter, which might be a bit confusing:**

**_there's a little prologue thingy, and then it skips to two months before, which is told in tidbits, and gets back to present after the double line._**

**oh, and I kind of disregarded/ forgot about jamie in this chapter, so pretend he's at summer camp or something and Nathan and/or Haley whine about how much they miss him every ten minutes =] Thank you and enjoy.**

ten.

Fear.

It consumed her.

The smile on her face had long since vanished, the news she had been rejoicing now laid forgotten in the back of her mind. The comfort and ease she had felt was gone. The happiness that filled her heart was replaced with this fear, this terror, this paranoia.

Her head ached. Her mind whizzed. Her legs shook. Her breaths accelerated. Her blood rushed. Her chest pounded. Her stomach—well, she couldn't think about her stomach.

Black and white police cars filled the street. Neon blue and white flashing lights blinded her. Yellow caution tape surrounded the house. And then there was the red.

* * *

_Two months earlier…_

She couldn't wipe the smile off her face. No matter how she tried, it was glued there. She found herself skipping to the attic and digging for all Jamie's baby things. All the baby books, photographs, toys, she couldn't stop. In between her internal squeals for joy, she wondered how she would tell Nathan, how he would react, what the next nine moths would be like, what the rest of their lives would be like…every scenario she imagined only widened her smile.

"Hales I'm home!" Nathan called. Instead of the 'hey' or 'I'm in here' that he was expecting, Haley jumped into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist, giving him an exaggerated kiss.

That famous Scott smirk appeared on his face. "I think this should be the standard welcome every time I come home."

She sighed with a smile, swinging in his arms. "I am so happy. Really, I couldn't be happier. And it's all because of you. I love you so much."

"Right back at you," he said as he put her down and leaned in for another kiss.

"I have something to tell you," she said with a deep breath and reached for his hands, already feeling her eyes begin to glisten. She pursed her lips. In her mind she went through cutesy ways to tell him, hints she could drop, clever insinuations she could make, adorable ways to show him…but she just wanted to tell him. She wanted to blurt it out and see a smile that mirrored hers.

"I'm pregnant!" Her shoulders moved up to frame her jaw line in a shrug, and a nervous smile was etched on her face as she awaited his reaction with glimmering eyes looking up at him.

His eyes widened and a grin spread across his face that stretched from ear to ear. A chuckle of astonishment left his lips as he swooped her up and swung her around. Euphoria radiated from the couple. "We're having a baby?" he asked in wonder, as if the words she'd said hadn't made it clear.

"We're having a baby!"

"Oh, Hales, I love you," he sighed, still beaming, and kissed the top of her head, her forehead, her eyelids, her nose, her cheeks, her lips, her neck, and bent down to kiss her still flat stomach. "I love you too," she said, tears of joy happily streaming down her face. "I'm so glad you're happy."

"You have no idea," he said in such a way that you could hear the smile in his voice. Staring into each other's eyes with matching smiles for what seemed like hours, Nathan cupped his hands around Haley's face, gently wiping away her tears and bent down to kiss her. They kissed with a passion like they were still lovesick teenagers, only added was the joy of two people who loved each other unconditionally that just learned they would be bringing another life into the world.

Nathan and Haley were ecstatic; joy emanated from them—they were deeply in love expectant parents. Again. And they weren't scared this time; they were absolutely over the moon.

"Who do we tell first, daddy?" Haley asked with a smile, looking up at her husband. She was fitted comfortably in his arms and one of his hands stroked her hair while the other was entwined with hers, playing with her fingers.

"Um, probably our kid, the big brother," he said.

Her mouth formed an O. "Oh, he'll so love being a big brother, don't you think?"

"He'll be the best."

"Okay, so I'll take Peyton and Brooke, but I can't steal all the attention," she said with a teasing pout, "so I guess you can have Lucas."

"My saintly wife," he sighed sarcastically.

She laughed. "Yeah and you better not forget it!"

"Brooke? Peyton?" She entered the store and laughed when her two best friends' heads popped up side by side over the counter top.

"Hey TutorGirl!"

"Hey, Hales, what's up?"

She struggled to hide a smile. "Oh, I know that look," Brooke said, skipping to Haley. "What are you trying to tell us but don't know how to?"

Creativity was seriously lacking on Haley's part, but whatever, she didn't care. So she was going with the blurt it out method again.

"Okay, no telling anyone until I give you permission. That includes boyfriends, husbands, children. Only Nathan knows and we don't want to make a big deal out of it. But you guys are my best friends _anddddd_ I have to tell you."

"Haley, you're killing us over here! Say it!" Peyton urged.

"Well, Brooke, I'm gonna need that crib I let you borrow back. And Peyton, soon I'll be the one calling you, sleep-deprived, begging for help." Deep breath. "Guys…I'm pregnant!"

Squeals ripped through Haley's ears. Peyton's jaw dropped and Brooke was jumping up and down. Haley was nearly knocked over when both Peyton and Brooke ran to hug her at the same time.

"_Haley!!!!!_ Congratulations! _Jamie's gonna have a little sibling!_ Oh, the twins will have a cousin their age! They'll all be best friends! _I'm having another nephew!_ Or maybe it will be a niece! What if it's a niece? _Do you want a boy or girl?_ Oh, Haley, I'm so happy for you! _Me too, this is fantastic! How thrilled is Nathan?! I bet he's thrilled._ Is this a surprise or did you plan it? Oh my God, this is so amazing! _Haley!!_"

*****

"Naaaaaaathan…"

"Yeah, babe?" A devilish smile appeared on her face when Haley's husband entered the room and sat next to her. "Uh oh."

"I'm sooooo hungry." Her lips scrunched to one side of her face.

"Okay, I'll go get you something in the kitchen," he said hopefully.

"But we don't have funnel cake in the kitchen…" the devilish smile made a comeback.

"Hales, funnel cake? It's 11:30 at night! Where am I supposed to get it?!"

And there it was. The pout that could kill him. Sigh. "I'll be back." He kissed her forehead and ran out of the house towards the small county fair that ended at…11:30.

"Wait!" He slammed on the breaks and sprinted to the vender. "I need one funnel cake."

"Sorry, man, we're closed," the owner shrugged.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, I just really need a funnel cake. I'll pay whatever."

"Why the hell do you need a funnel cake?"

"I've got a pregnant wife at home and she wants one, just please," Nathan begged.

"Oh, I got you, I've been there. I have a one-year-old at home. Coming right up."

Nathan sighed in relief. Thank God.

Haley sat at the kitchen twiddling her thumbs. Nathan flew in the doorway, proudly holding the funnel cake. He nodded and raised his eyebrows. "How awesome is your husband?"

"Oh my God, _so_ awesome," she ran to him and snatched the plate from his hands, triumph radiating from him and adoration radiating from her. He watched her nearly inhale the funnel cake. Once she had finished, she sat up quickly and curiously looked around. Oh no, oh no, oh no. It was now past midnight, he'd have to drive for at least an hour to find a grocery store open, providing it had the godforsaken food she craved now.

"Peanut butter," she said. He smiled. That he could do.

"You know, Hales, I really want a girl, but I'm thinking it's a boy."

"Aw, I'd love to have another boy! Granted, I would be severely outnumbered, which could be very very bad, but it would be me and all my Scott boys." She loved that idea, and her smile showed it. "How come you think it's a boy?"

"If anything, the appetite is a sure sign."

She slapped his shoulder lightly. "Whatever, you try growing a person inside of you."

"I'll leave that to you. Which is one of the many things that makes you amazing, by the way." He kissed her, gently placing a hand on her stomach.

"Nice recovery." They kissed again. "Hmm, you know what I'm craving now?" He groaned. "What?"

"You," she whispered, grabbing his shirt and leading him upstairs. Ah, now this craving suited him very well.

*****

"Luke, tell me you have capers." Nathan said, panting.

"Actually we do. Man, you're doing some serious running around, you get the husband-of-the-year award here."

"I know, it wasn't like this when she had Jamie. There's nothing except the crazy cravings, though which is awesome. She's not psycho or anything. She hardly gets mad or throws anything at me at all, which she certainly did with Jamie. The hormones are kinda funny though, like she'll be sitting there laughing and then start crying because she forgot to put an apple in Jamie's lunch. I just can't actually laugh in front of her, because then the throwing things at me would begin."

Lucas laughed, amazed by Nathan's calmness. "You're one hell of a husband, Nate, I was pulling my hair out with Peyton."

"Yeah, but she had twins. And it was the first time for you, I'm used to it this time around. It also helps that I'm not 17. I don't know, I just tell myself, as long as she does the whole forcing a human being out of her body thing, I can run around a little." He shrugged.

"Very true."

"Now show me those capers."

"Hiya, preggers!" Brooke exclaimed, opening the door for herself and Peyton. "I so love that I can call you that again!"

"Yeah, it's really heartwarming," Haley said dryly and went to hug her friends.

"So what we do today, Baby Mama?" Peyton asked and received a look from both Brooke and Haley. "What? I can't call you Preggers, there's no originality there! So Baby Mama it is."

Both girls laughed and Brooke noticed Haley stealing glances at the door. "Expecting someone?"

Haley's face fell. "Nathan went to go get capers, but I don't want them anymore. He's been so good to me, and now I can't even eat them. He's going to hate me, I'm such a crazy pregnant lady." Her mouth formed into a pout and tears formed in her eyes.

"No, no, no" Peyton said. "He loves you! He won't hate you. Plus, you're not crazy. It's normal. When I was pregnant, I asked Luke to go get me a taco at 3 in the morning."

Hearing that, Haley began to laugh hysterically.

Brooke looked at her with confusion. "It's not that funny." Peyton slapped Brooke's arm, telling her to shut up through unmoving smiling lips without even looking at her.

Peyton's eyes widened with a knock at the door and glanced at the still laughing Haley. Brooke waved her arms in an X at Nathan, who was standing in the doorway, holding a jar of capers. Peyton exaggeratedly shook her head no, to emphasize the message that Nathan was clearly not getting. Finally, realization washed over his face and he threw the jar behind the bushes.

"Hey, girls," he said when he entered. _Seriously?_ Brooke thought when Haley looked on the verge of tears. Yet again. "Hales, I totally forgot what you asked me to get, I'm really sorry," Nathan said. Damn he was good.

Her unhappy look melted away. "It's okay," she sang and skipped up to him to plant a kiss on his cheek. Peyton smiled at Brooke. "She's so cute!"

Brooke shrugged. "Cute, deranged, whatever works." Peyton nudged her. "Yeah, wait til you get pregnant."

A somber look appeared on Brooke's features, her dimples fading. "Yeah, if that ever happens."

Peyton put her arm on Brooke's shoulder. "Hey, it's going to happen. And besides, you're already a great mother to Sam, and Angie adored you. Plus, just 'cause that one got married and knocked up in high school and me and Luke are nutty procreators doesn't mean you have to jump on the bandwagon now. Hales and I are doing this wayyyyy too soon. We're only 23, you've got time."

Brooke nodded, but her eyebrows creased. They hadn't heard a word from Nathan or Haley. She glanced over and saw them basically making out in front of them.

"Okay! Time to go."

Peyton laughed as they walked out of the house. "Only Naley."

Pleasantly settled in Nathan's arms, Haley's eyes shot open and she sat up turned away from him. "Peyton and Brooke!"

He chuckled, his eyes roaming happily over Haley's bare back. "I know, I heard them leave. We're pretty oblivious to that stuff, but we were kinda busy." His hand traced circles all over her back, making her shiver. "Have I ever mentioned how much I love this?" he asked, tracing the number 23 that was tattooed on her lower back.

"A few times," she smiled. "But it does cause a problem. You're number 12 now. I guess I'll have to find myself a 23…"

"Don't even think about it," he said, a smile in his voice, and pulled her on top of him, her laugh filling the room.

*****

"Do you want to know?" Haley asked, unsure. The couple sat in the hospital waiting room, hands clasped together.

"Hales, we already told the doctor we did."

"I know, but maybe we shouldn't, I mean, we knew last time. It would be kinda fun to have it be a mystery, don't you think?"

"Yeah it would." He pondered that for a second. "We shouldn't know."

"Yay! Ooh, this'll be so much fun!"

"Woah," Nathan and Haley sighed in unison. They watched their baby on the sonogram screen. Both were unable to tear their eyes away. Haley's eyes glistened and Nathan wrapped her arms around her and kissed her, both blissfully unaware of the doctor in the room.

He cleared his throat. "Now, we can't see anything now, but if I change the angle I'm sure we'll be able to determine the sex of your baby."

"DON'T!" They shouted. "Sorry, we, uh, changed our minds, we don't want to know. Sorry." Nathan explained. "Really sorry," Haley added, seeing the still shocked expression on the doctor's face.

That night, they sat on the couch, Nathan stroking Haley's legs that were placed on his lap. "What do we do about names?"

"I don't know, I think all the meaningful ones were used up. So we'll just come up with our own."

"I have no clue. What about after your grandparents?"

"Maybe. But I'm vetoing Royal for a boy. Having it for a middle name is enough."

"For a girl, I like Lynne. Not for a first name, but middle. It's kinda Lydia and Karen put together. My mom, and basically my other mom. Luke's mom has meant so much to me over the years, and she helped out so much with Jamie."

"I like that. A combination name that doesn't sound like jibberish. It's a regular name, one that we could've just come up with, but it has an underlying meaning. I like how you think, James," Nathan said. He stopped and tilted his head, deep in thought.

"I've got it! Ava."

"Hm. It's pretty," Haley said.

"Okay, you're going to think I'm crazy but A-V-A. Like Always and forever, except **A**lways and 'fore**VA**'"

"That is so dorky." She smiled. "I absolutely love it."

"Ava Lynne Scott," Nathan said proudly.

Haley gasped. "Nathan, this is so weird. 'Ava Lynne' combined sounds like 'Evelyn' which was my grandmother's name!"

"Hales, we're on fire! We soooo get the title of best-baby-name-inventors."

"Our kid is gonna be awesome," Haley grinned.

"Without a doubt. I love you, Haley Scott," Nathan said and kissed her.

"I love you too," she whispered against his lips. "I love it when you call me that."

"Haley Scott." He kissed her lips briefly. "Haley Scott." He kissed her again. "Haley Scott." Again. "Haley Scott." Again. "Haley Scott." Again.

She giggled. "Okay, okay! So anyway…"

"Yes, Haley Scott?" She rolled her eyes, smiling. "Were you going to say let's go upstairs, Haley Scott? Because let me tell you, Haley Scott, I like that idea very much."

"Yeah well it's not gonna happen if you keep saying that!" She backed away from him.

"But, Haley Scott, I thought you liked me calling you Haley Scott!" A broad smile was plastered on his face, and he walked toward her. She giggled and sprinted around the house, him chasing her, both laughing as they ran. He finally caught up to her and tickled her, making her laugh uncontrollably and her knees buckled. He caught her and placed his hands on her stomach, their laughter fading and their smiling eyes sharing the look of love. Without words, they interlaced their fingers and walked up the stairs.

*****

"I can't go. I don't want to be away from you." This time it was Nathan pouting. He had a scheduled meeting about his schedule for the Bobcats would be and when he would return to play.

"Aw, baby, I'll be okay. I'm about six months away from giving birth, so we're covered there. And Luke and Peyton and Brooke and Skills and Mouth and Fergie and Junk all live close, probably too close, so if I do in fact become a damsel in distress, which is unlikely, I can call them. So go, I'll be fine."

"Fiiine. Please be safe, okay? I'm a phone call away. I love you."

"I love you too," she said, standing on her tip toes to give him a goodbye kiss.

She watched him leave and closed her eyes as he drove away, trying to rid her mind of the vision of that unkempt and greasy black hair, grayish eyes, wrinkled black t-shirt, ripped jeans.

* * *

Fear.

It consumed her. Well, it had consumed her. Now it just festered within her. She felt shielded from the danger, but yet not completely safe.

The smile on her face had long since vanished, the news she had been rejoicing for the past two months now laid forgotten in the back of her mind. The news itself wasn't forgotten, simply the joy that it brought. The comfort and ease she had felt was gone. The happiness that filled her heart was replaced with this fear, this terror, this paranoia.

Her head ached, throbbing on all sides. Her mind whizzed, desperately struggling for balance. Her legs shook, using every ounce of strength within her to stay still. Her breaths accelerated, trying not to give in to the panic that threatened to take over. Her blood rushed, remaining full of the adrenaline she had unconsciously acquired. Her chest pounded, reminding of her of what she had just been through and the toll it was taking on her. Her stomach—well, she couldn't think about her stomach. It was all she had thought about during. It was for the baby she carried in her that evoked paralyzing fear, heartbreaking sadness, and fierce protection. But now she didn't want to think. About anything. She just couldn't bear it.

Black and white police cars filled the street. Neon blue and white flashing lights blinded her. Yellow caution tape surrounded the house. And then there was the red. Her red. Its red? No, she had to tell herself no in order to keep from breaking down. _My red_, she repeated over and over, _my red_.


	11. Can't Go Back Now

eleven.

She stood in the house, resting against the kitchen table. She didn't move. She didn't speak. There was no expression on her face. She showed no emotion as Lucas sprinted into the house, grabbing Haley into a hug. She watched as a worried Peyton and a teary-eyed Brooke entered, both hugging her tight, grasping her hands, comforting her with words she didn't even hear. She was questioned by police and answered in indifferent one-word replies. Everything moved around her in slow motion while she stood still in the middle of it all, unable to stop it.

"Haley!" The familiar voice was the first thing to evoke a feeling in her for hours, but she showed no sign of it on her face.

Nathan ran into the house and collided into his wife. And Haley, who had been refusing to let any of this in, numbing herself to anything other than the remains of the fear that gripped her, was hit by a wave of emotion in Nathan's arms. The second his face was visible, she was okay. The moment she was enclosed in his arms, she was safe.

His eyes were terrified, angry, saddened, protective, shocked, defeated, hopeless, loving, panic-stricken. He frantically searched her for injuries, his face melting as he found bruise after bruise on her arms. She neglected to mention that the worst of them he hadn't seen yet. "Oh, God, Haley." His voice was thick and he repeated her name over and over as he held her against him. He pulled her as close as the laws of physics would allow while being carefully gentle. Haley held onto the safety and comfort she felt in his arms for dear life while Nathan took deep breaths and focused on her, the feel of her in his arms immediately silencing all the voices screaming in his head.

Haley summoned the strength to utter the first complete thought to come from her mouth. "How did you get here?" she asked quietly, and didn't notice Lucas, Peyton, and Brooke's sighs of relief at hearing her speak. "You were hours away, I called you…" she struggled to count how long it was since she'd spoken to him in a panic on the phone. It was certainly much less than hours.

"So maybe I drove a little fast. I had to get to you, Hales."

She nodded and rested her head against Nathan, needing the peace of being in his arms—the only place she fit perfectly in this world.

*****

Nathan walked into their bedroom that night and couldn't help but smile at what he saw. Jamie was curled against his mother, sleeping with the comfort that only she could provide. She held painfully tight onto her son, one arm around his middle holding him to her and the other stroking the back of his head. "I just needed him," she explained in a whisper, his gaze meeting hers. He quietly climbed into the bed, kissing the top of Jamie's head and then solidly kissing Haley's lips, not in passion, but in love and security. "I know."

Lying down, he put both arms around Haley, holding tightly to his wife, their unborn child, and Jamie who was sandwiched between them. Although he wanted to convince Haley they were safe no matter what, he himself found himself pulling Haley closer to him, just because. He would not take his eyes off of her as she drifted to sleep, still clinging to Jamie, and watched her eyelids flutter and listened to the pattern of her breathing like it was the most beautiful sound in the world, and it was. He blinked through the wetness in his eyes that blurred his vision when he thought of what had happened to her, how he could have lost her—all because he hadn't been there, he didn't protect her. Seven years ago he had promised that he would always be there for her, always protect her, and he had failed. The woman he loved more than anything laying there before him had gone through so much pain and fear and it was his fault. His eyes refocused when he felt her hand against his face. Her thumb smoothed the creases in his brow and she looked at him, wordlessly telling him everything he needed to hear.

"I'm scared," she whispered, knowing he needed a distraction.

"Haley, baby, you're okay, you're safe, I promise you." His hand lifted to lie on her cheek.

She leaned into his touch and shook her head, her mouth tightening the way it did when she was fighting tears. "I know that, I do. I'm—I'm scared for our baby."

He looked at her in sadness but with complete understanding, it was a feeling he'd been getting too. "Come here." He pulled her up, but she reacted instantly and put her hand on Jamie's arm. "No. I don't want to leave him."

"We won't. We'll be right here, he's safe."

He led her to their rocking chair across from the bed and she sat on his lap, her head falling on his shoulder. "You have no reason to be scared. Our baby is going to be healthy and beautiful," he said persistently, his voice low so as not to wake up Jamie.

"But the doctor said—"

"I know what the doctor said. But he also said that in your situation most fetuses would not have lived through what happened to you. And little no name here," he placed a hand on her slightly swelled stomach, "did. And it scares the hell out of me that the chances of miscarriage and stillbirth are increased, but they're still chances. Come on Hales, we can beat those odds, you know we can."

Wanting to believe him with all her heart, she placed her hand on top of his. "You're right. We're gonna make it baby," she whispered to her stomach and placed her hand on top of his.

Looking at her peaceful smile, the trail of thought he had been following before again pulled at him and a knot formed in his stomach. "Haley," he started.

She tilted her head still on his shoulder and her deep chocolate eyes awaited his statement. "I can't lose you," he choked.

"You won't."

"But I almost did. And I'm so sorry I wasn't there, it's my fault, I'm so sorry, I—"

"Nathan," she stopped him. "You **didn't** lose me. Baby, this wasn't your fault--no one could have known." He began to object but she shook her head. "Remember what you told me after I thought I'd lost you? It was the only thing that could comfort me, you said you were right there. Well I'm right here, Nathan. And I'm safe, and I'm yours, and I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

He nodded. It was amazing, the effect her words could have on him.

*****

Nathan was two steps ahead of Haley that morning, nearly annihilating the newspaper's account of the attack and getting rid of anything that would have reminded her of what happened. She was being amazingly brave and strong, but he knew she was still affected by it.

"Momma, more please!" Jamie banged his plastic cup on the table three times. Three times. That was the amount of times it had taken him to break in...

_Frantically Haley ran through the house, locking doors and windows. Her shaking hands fumbled with her cell phone to dial Nathan's number. No answer. She then dialed Lucas' house. No answer. Her blood began to boil as she called Luke's cell, Peyton's cell, Skills, Mouth. None answered. Dammit! Where the hell are they? her mind screamed. Her fingers flew across the numbers to dial 911. She basically whispered the words she had said, something about someone circling her house and calling her last name. She ducked down below the windowsill away from his view when he looked up. "No, it's not someone I know!" she hissed with frustration and straightened her legs to look out the window. When she saw what was in his hand she cupped her hand to her mouth to keep from screaming. "Please, he has a gun, please!" No comfort came from being told a car was on its way. She sunk down to her knees and wrapped her arms around herself, completely unable to believe this was happening to her. When her hands unconsciously found their way to her stomach, a feeling of fierce protection surged through her, and anger took the place of her helpless fear. She couldn't stop herself from jumping when a loud thud reverberated through the house. Shaking, she stood and ran into the kitchen, rummaging through drawers until she found it. Her eyes looked in horror as she watched herself pick up the knife laying in the drawer. Her hands shook, but when another earth shattering noise came from outside the house her grip tightened on it. She didn't know if she could even use it when push came to shove, but it was something. Maybe she could just scare him with it. Clenching both her eyes and her mouth shut, she braced herself for whatever was to come when a final bang reached her ears and she watched the man with unkempt and greasy black hair, grayish eyes, wrinkled black t-shirt, and ripped jeans enter her house._

She jumped and gasped when she felt two hands gripping her shoulders. "Haley," Nathan said comfortingly, "you're safe." Still dazed, Nathan pulled his trembling wife into his arms. After a few moments had passed, she painted on a smile and looked at him. "I know. Now let's get you some more of that juice, Jimmy-Jam!" Jamie smiled but Nathan watched every move Haley made, his eyes laced with worry.

Haley's head snapped toward the door when the doorbell rang, and Nathan went to get it, comfortingly brushing her arm with his hand as he passed her. Peyton stood at the doorway, Anna on her hip, and Lucas was behind her, Keith's bassinet in one arm and a basket in the other. "Hey, Nate!" Peyton said, smiling as he opened the door. "We thought you guys could use some fun so we decided to have a Scott family picnic!" Glancing behind him to check for Haley, who was nowhere to be seen, she lowered her voice.

"How's she doing?"

Nathan shrugged. "She's doing amazing, actually. But it left a scar, she's a little jumpy, be careful with her." She nodded and lifted her baby girl in her arms. "Alright, sweetie, let's go see Auntie Haley!"

Lucas stepped up behind her and greeted Nathan. "You sure she's okay?" the worried best friend asked.

"Yeah, man, she's stronger than I give her credit for, and I give her a lot of credit."

"That's Hales."

The two brothers shared a look when they walked in on a tight hug between their wives. "Peyton, let her go, she can't breathe!"

Haley chuckled when Peyton, who wiped her eyes and muttered an apology, released her.

"She missed her godmother," Peyton smiled and handed Haley Anna, who cooed when Haley lightly tickled her and exclaimed, "She's getting so big!"

"Oh, I know, don't start, I'll end up crying! Well, harder than I already am." Peyton laughed and picked up Keith. Glancing around the room and at the windows and doors, Lucas pulled Nathan into the kitchen away from their families.

"So I know Haley's doing okay, but how are you?"

"I don't know man, I'm putting on this 'everything's okay face' for Haley, but I'm so angry. I could kill him, what he did to her—" his mouth pursed and his nostrils flared just thinking about it. "I know I'm supposed be this better guy or whatever, but I swear to God if anyone ever gets near her again…"

"I know, but she's alright now. Focus on that." Nathan nodded, trying to get rid of the rage coursing through him. "Hey, um, what about the baby?"

Nathan hung his head. "I don't know. The doctor said it doesn't look too good, but it's been okay so far. I mean it has to be a good sign that nothing's happened yet right? I'm just scared sh!tless. It would kill Haley, and me too. I didn't think you could love something—someone—that's not even here yet so much, but I do and I can't imagine if…"

"It's gonna work out, Nate."

"I hope so." Putting on a brave face, Nathan and Lucas walked back into the room and were greeted by smiles from Haley and Peyton.

"Brooke just called, she can't make it for lunch but she's coming later."

"Alright, well let's eat!"

In the kitchen, Haley searched for the ketchup that Jamie just needed for his hotdog when her hand brushed across a spot on the cabinet...

_She screamed when she felt his fist slam into her face and she stumbled backward. "You thought it would be so great, didn't you? Being a whole happy family again, how sweet." he snarled at her, slamming her down to land facedown, but she twisted to land on her back. She knew what would happen if she fell on her stomach. And she was going to protect this baby, she wouldn't be the reason it didn't get a chance to live. Feeling a bead of warm wetness coming from her head where it slammed against the corner of the cabinet, she looked down at her hand and saw that it was blood. Her eyes refocused on him when she felt something cold press against her forehead. "You don't get to have him back if I don't," he said angrily, pressing the gun harder into her skin. Too terrified to be confused at his words, she prayed for her baby, for Jamie, for Nathan. Her chattering jaw dropped when police sirens rang from outside the house and he put the gun back in his pocket, turning away from her. "You'll pay for this," he growled. She leaned her head against the wall, breathing heavily as he watched him retreat and tried to calm her ignited insides and ran outside to the police._

"Tutor soon-to-be Mom of two, where are you?" Brooke sang, breaking Haley from her trance. She exhaled upon seeing Haley and pulled her into a hug. "You okay?" she asked.

Haley responded with a quick nod. "Yeah, I'm okay now. Let's go." They walked out towards their friends with Brooke's arm around Haley.

"Keith realllllllly likes me, Momma," Jamie said excitedly. "I'm pretty sure I'm his favorite cousin.

Haley chuckled and ruffled his hair. "Oh, definitely."

"And I think my brother or sister is gonna like me too! And we're gonna be best friends, right Momma?"

Haley swallowed and looked down at her plate. So Nathan put his hand on her leg and cut in, "Yeah, Jamie. You are. You'll be an awesome big brother when this kid gets here."


	12. Use Somebody

twelve.

"Hales what are you doing?!" Nathan laughed when he entered the room.

His wife was jumping up trying to put on a pair of jeans and turning in the mirror with that pout he couldn't resist on her face as she tried in vain to button them.

"These are my favorite jeans. And they don't fit me anymore!"

"They're my favorite jeans too," Nathan smirked when he got a better view of her ripped jeans that usually fit her just right and hugged all the right places. He had a lot of good memories with those jeans.

"Not helping!"

"Haley, you are not supposed to fit in all your old clothes! We had this conversation once before, I believe," he said with a smile and walked towards her.

"I know, I know. I really don't wanna get fat—" he started to interrupt her but she continued, "but I think we're pretty damn blessed that I am."

"Yeah we are. And you will continue to get bigger," He said and wrapped his arms around her waist. "I love you," he said into her hair and she smiled. She loved when he said it like that, when he didn't need to but he did anyway. "Craving anything in particular?" he asked with a smirk and started kissing down her head, pausing to nibble her ear and getting lost in her neck.

She giggled. "Only if you're lucky."

"We have to pick up Jamie in like 15 minutes," Haley said breathlessly, loving the electricity his touch sent through her body.

"You think I can kiss you til then?" Nathan's husky voice asked.

"Mmm, I think that would be okay," she readily complied and brought her mouth to his.

Her hand clenched his back and the other was at the back of his head, pulling him closer and playing with his short hair. His lips devoured hers as his arms wrapped around her and his hands tenderly touched all the right places. They reluctantly pulled apart and he rested his forehead against hers. Serious eye sex was occurring as she reached for her ringing phone. "Ohmygod, it's the school. We're late for Jamie!"

She grabbed his arms and sped out of the room.

*****

"That was SO embarrassing. Even Chuck laughed at me just waiting outside. What were you guys doing?"

"Nothing!" Haley said hurriedly, her voice a few octaves too high. Nathan laughed. "Sorry, Jamie, we lost track of time."

"Yeah, sorry bud," Haley said, reaching back from the passenger seat to pat Jamie's leg. Nathan's heart stopped when he heard a sharp gasp come from her and saw her hand fly to her stomach out of the corner of his eye.

"What? Baby, what is it? Are you okay?" Nathan pulled the car over with a screech from the brakes.

Haley sat there without words wearing a shocked expression, both hands still laid over her stomach. He ripped off his seatbelt and turned to her, his hands framing her face. "Haley what's wrong?"

Jamie sat up in his seat. "Momma?"

She gave Nathan a quick kiss and a smile tugged at her lips. "Boys, I'm fine."

Nathan exhaled deeply in relief. "Christ, Haley, you can't scare me like that," he kissed her forehead and stroked a strand of her hair. "What was that?"

"I felt the baby kick," a radiant smile was glued on her face and she reached to place of one Nathan's hands on her burgeoning belly.

His eyes widened and a smile that matched hers quickly made its way to his own lips. "That's amazing," he breathed.

She nodded happily. "Wanna feel, Jamie?"

His face scrunched in discomfort and looked to the side. "No thanks, Momma, I believe you."

Nathan and Haley both laughed. "It's okay, babe, you'll meet him or her soon." Haley said, assuring herself more than him, and looked at Nathan with hope-filled eyes. That little kick that only felt crickets running across her stomach was the strongest sign she could imagine. It was her baby's way of silencing all her fears, and suddenly she felt slightly rid of the dread she had been carrying around with her.

Nearly reading her mind, Jamie asked, "That means JJ is okay, right Daddy?"

"JJ?" Nathan chuckled and gave his son a puzzled look.

"Oh yeah. I named him Jamie Jr. JJ for short. I'm sure it'll be a boy, I really want a little brother." His voice was full of excitement.

"What if it's a girl?" Nathan asked, throwing Jamie off guard.

"Ew."

Haley burst into laughter. "Ew, huh?"

"Sorry, Momma, but a little brother would be cooler. Girls are kinda gross."

"It's okay, bud, as long as there's always one girl who's not gross," Haley said, giving him a look. Nathan smiled.

"...Me, silly!" she shouted when he paused to think.

"Alright, guys, let's get home," Nathan said, reaching to put Jamie back in his car seat and putting his own back on. "Seriously?!" he said in frustration after many failed attempts to turn on the car. It wouldn't budge.

"Uh oh!"

"I can call Luke," Haley suggested. Just as she began to dial a car honked at them. "Okay, never mind," she said when she saw that it was a familiar blonde in a familiar car pull up next to them.

"I was kind of afraid to look in, I gotta say," Peyton said over the sound of the Comet's exhaust when Nathan rolled down his window. "I thought I was going to see you guys making out in the back seat or something." She threw her head back in laughter when she heard a horrified "EWWWWW!" come from Jamie.

Nathan shrugged. "I wouldn't put it past us."

"Shut up!" Haley scolded out of the corner of her mouth and hit his shoulder. "Could you give us a ride Peyton?"

"Sure, anything for that crazy Scott bunch. One condition though. Nate, you have got to wipe that smirk off your face."

"Still thinking about the backseat, huh?" Haley asked playfully as she got out of the car and plopped herself in Peyton's passenger seat. Nathan stuck his tongue out at her and pulled Jamie out of their car and sat himself next to his son in the Comet.

As they pulled up to Nathan and Haley's house, they all squinted in confusion at the sight on the steps leading to their house. There sat Brooke and Lucas, each with a twin on their lap.

"Luke?" Peyton asked as Haley asked "Brooke?" and Jamie asked "Anna and Keith?" Nathan just stood there looking confused.

"Dinner at 7 ring a bell?" Brooke said in an annoyed voice. "It's kinda cold out here."

"And you changed the spare key hiding spot, thanks for the heads up, Hales," Lucas said. Haley shrugged an apology.

"Okay, first of all the dinner we had planned was for Thursday. It's Wednesday, babe." Peyton said to Lucas. "And why didn't you guys just go home?"

"We were worried about you guys, I mean considering recent events…" Brooke jerked her heads toward Haley.

"Oh, well you two are sweet. How long have you been waiting?" Haley asked with a guilty expression.

Brooke and Luke looked at eachother. "Like five minutes," he replied nonchalantly.

Peyton and Haley scoffed. "You guys are the worst complainers I've ever seen. And it's not cold, it's like 50 degrees!" Nathan said, his tone far from serious.

"Dude. We live in Tree Hill. Fifty degrees is COLD."

"Right. Well let's go inside, shall we?" Haley said, walking past her best friend to open the door, patting Anna's head in Lucas's arms.

After the five had their non-dinner, Brooke took off to go out with Julian.

"And then there were…" Nathan pointed as he counted all the adults and children in the room. "Seven." Haley gave him a look. "Hey, you were my tutor."

Haley laughed. "Whatever. Oh, make that five. My adorable god-daughter and her darling brother are dead asleep."

"Well, I guess that's our cue," Peyton said, pulling Luke off the couch and picking up her sleeping daughter. Lucas gently lifted Keith into his arms and they both nodded goodbye to Nathan and Haley as they walked out the door.

"Time for bed for you too, James," Nathan said, ushering the little boy up the steps. Haley kissed the top of his head. "'Night, buddy!" she called as he sluggishly walked up the stairs.

Nathan interlaced his fingers with Haley's and led her to their armchair and placed her on top of him. "You feeling alright?" he asked.

"I'm fine." He closed his eyes when she kissed his cheek. "You worry about this kid almost as much as I do."

"Nah, more. I'm worrying about this kid and their mother."

"I'm okay, I promise." She reached for the remote. "Let's see what's happening outside Tree Hill, shall we?"

"Or inside," Nathan commented when the words ARREST MADE IN TREE HILL, NORTH CAROLINA flashed across the screen.

Haley gasped when she saw the face she hated more than anything being led into a police car with his hands in handcuffs. "Oh my god," she barely whispered.

He pulled her closer. "Hey, we don't have to watch this—"

"No, I want to. I want to see him put away like he deserves."

Nathan nodded and when they showed a close-up of Haley's attacker and his disgruntled face, the all-to familiar anger rushed through him.

"That son of a bitch," Nathan snarled, his hand clenching into a fist on top of Haley's shoulder.

SILAS MONTGOMERY WAS ARRESTED LAST NIGHT ON CHARGES OF VIOLENT DOMESTIC ATTACKS. HE WILL BE PUT IN JAIL WITH NO BAIL. HOWEVER, FAMILY MEMBERS HAVE REQUESTED THAT HE BE PUT INTO A MENTAL FACILITY. MANY PERSONS CLOSE TO HIM HAVE CLAIMED THAT HE HAS NOT BEEN WELL AFTER HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN FOLLOWING HIS BROTHER'S AIRPLANE CRASH AND DEATH. NO WORD ON WHETHER OR NOT THEIR REQUEST WILL BE GRANTED.

And then everything clicked. Montgomery. Brother's plane crash. Death. _"You don't get to have him back if I don't."_ Of course he would hold resentment for her. She had stolen his brother away. After finding out that Nathan was still alive, she had hardly considered Stephen's family's reaction after the initial shock. They had thought Stephen was alive, but he was buried in Tree Hill. She remember one day in the hospital when she had just arrived there.

"_Mrs. Montgomery, I know that I don't know you and that it's not my place. But I am truly sorry for your loss. I have a son of my own and I can't even begin to imagine that pain…anyway, I was there a few weeks ago. I thought my husband was dead, and although I am thrilled to have him back, I want you to know I wouldn't wish that on anyone. You have my most sincere sympathies." She looked into the teary eyes of Stephen Montgomery's mother. _

"_Thank you dear. You are so kind-hearted to come to me like this. I think that you're as confused by this as I am, but remember that you got the better end of the deal, sweetheart. Words cannot express," she suppressed a sob, "how much I will miss my son. But please, cherish the time you can spend with your husband. Cherish the life that you get to have with him now."_

_Both women crying now, they shared a hug and Haley turned to head into what was now Nathan's hospital room. She saw Stephen's sweet-hearted mother sit down next to another man, a little older than she was, and squeeze his hand. He looked very angry and depressed, but she couldn't see his face clearly. "Be strong," the mother whispered to him. "Your brother is with us no matter what."_

How had she missed that? The man Mrs. Montgomery had spoken to was her attacker. Silas Montgomery. She had been so clueless.

Nathan was taken aback. He looked at Haley, monitoring her response. She hadn't said anything, just sat gaping at the television screen. "I never even considered…I mean, I never would have imagined. He was Stephen's brother. Oh my God."

"I know. But he's not a danger to us anymore. We can be at peace. We're all safe." He stroked her arm.

"You're right. I just wish the baby's safety came with the simple act of him being imprisoned. But it's not that easy."

Nathan placed his hand on his recent favorite spot, to which the baby responded with a kick, and he looked into her eyes. "You're right. But if you're not in danger, JJ's chances are a lot less scary." Nathan had taken to Jamie's nickname for the baby and Haley smiled. "Okay. We can do this."

Nathan rested his cheek onto her head and she snuggled closer to him. "Cherish the life you can have with him now." Mrs. Montgomery's words echoed in her head. She would honor those words until the day she died. She had promised herself that day to do exactly that for Nathan for the rest of her life. So cherish him she did.


	13. The Great Escape

thirteen.

"Hold on!" Peyton called from inside the house. Haley and Nathan shared a look when they heard a few crashes, an annoyed "ow!" and finally a bang before the door was opened.

"Hey guys, so glad you're here," she said dryly, looking a bit frazzled.

"Thanks...did we come at a bad time? Cause it's fine, we can come back again," Haley said cautiously, carefully trekking through the toys and other junk that was sprawled over the floor. Nathan's hand held tightly onto hers as he followed in her exact footsteps.

"No, it's fine. Gives me a nice break from the delightful man I live EVERY FREAKING SECOND WITH!" Peyton said, voice full of venom, shouting towards the back of the house. A snort came from Lucas, who was still out of sight.

The three stood in awkward silence for what seemed like hours. Peyton, whose face was averted to glare at her husband who walked into the hallway, quickly turned her head back to Nathan and Haley and smiled sweetly. "Come on in, guys, dinner's almost ready!"

"Okay," both Nathan and Haley murmured, heads toward the ground. They walked into the kitchen and looked at eachother, both trying to suppress a laugh at the bickering spouses.

They heard Lucas' whisper-that-wasn't-really-a-whisper to his wife. "Really, Peyton? We're gonna sit through dinner and pretend nothing is wrong even though it's clear we're fighting and make them feel horrible?!"

"Yep," Peyton quipped as she skipped in to join their guests and patted Haley's shoulder.

*****

"This is really good, Luke," Nathan said halfway through diner, desperate to cut through the tension.

"Thank you," Lucas responded, raising his eyebrows at Peyton with a look that said "ha!"

Peyton scoffed. "Funny, Luke. I made it, Nathan. Glad you like it."

Haley choked back a giggle when Nathan muffled an "oh, sorry" and nearly buried his face in his food.

Suddenly two screaming cries ripped through the house. "I'll get them," Peyton said, excusing herself to take care of their twins.

"You just going to sit there?" she asked Lucas with raised eyebrows.

"You guys are boring," he mumbled as he got up.

When they were both out of sight, Nathan and Haley couldn't help but start laughing.

When Haley's laughter melted away, her lips pursed and she looked at him seriously. "Do you think we're boring?" she asked, tilting her head. "We don't have that newlywed thing going anymore. I mean, they look like they're kinda enjoying it. Plus you know they'll make up like two seconds after we're gone. Have we become boring old married people?"

He smiled at her adorable confused pout and responded, "Are you kidding? Hales, maybe we don't have fun little spats but have you been conscious for the last year with us?"

She chuckled. "True."

"We could always go home, fight over something stupid, and have a really hot make up," he said jokingly, but she saw that he was half-serious.

She kinked her eyebrow. "I might just take you up on that."

When the new parents returned from their weirdly silent trip to settle Anna and Keith, the usually chatty foursome ate with only muttered conversations of no particular relevance. "Hey, you guys should stay for drinks," Peyton said when everyone finished.

Nathan's eyes went wide and he elbowed Haley.

"Um, you know, Jamie probably is getting sick of the babysitter, and we really should get going," she lied, and Nathan nodded fervently. But Lucas and Peyton wouldn't hear it.

When they realized there was no getting out of it, Haley ran to the bathroom and dialed her cell phone.

"Brooke!" she whispered. "You have got to get over here. Nathan and I are at Luke's for dinner and drinks and him and Peyton are fighting. It's unbearable."

After about fifteen minutes, the doorbell rang. "Expecting anyone?" Lucas asked.

"Yeah, the hit man I hired," Peyton deadpanned as she got up and answered the door. "Brooke?"

"Hey, bestfriend!" Brooke said cheerfully. "Oh my gosh, Naley's here? That's SO weird!" she exclaimed, winking at Haley. "I just came to drop by and say hello, but it's a party now! Such a coincidence," she nodded, as if to affirm what she was saying actually proved true.

"What's in the bag?" Nathan asked, nodding toward the huge brown bag Brooke held that became visible when she stepped into the house.

"Glad you asked, Nate. I thought we could all use some fun tonight." Pulling out several very large bottles of booze, Brooke flashed a devilish smile. So who's first?"

*****

"Don't even think about it." Peyton warned, and Lucas, shot glass in hand, paused to glare at her.

"You. Are not. My mother."

"No, but I'm the mother of your children, and I am not going to deal with two screaming babies _and_ a hung-over husband," she said, and paused before continuing:

"So put. the drink. down." Peyton said, mocking his tone.

Watching Brooke and Nathan take big gulps of their drinks, Haley crossed her arms. "Being pregnant sucks," she growled, eyeing the bottle of alcohol in front of her longingly and then trailing her eyes down to her stomach, silently scolding her unborn child for putting her in such a plight.

She nudged her husband, maybe a bit harder than originally intended. "Ok, Nathan? If you don't get me away from these..." she glanced at Brooke, Peyton and Lucas. "...drunks," she added lovingly as he laughed, "then I'm going to start drinking myself."

"Right, uh, hey guys we have to get going. Haley's not feeling well, what with the being pregnant stuff, so...yeah," Nathan explained and rolled his eyes at his own words as soon as they left his mouth. Haley put a hand on her stomach and nodded with a sad look on her face.

*****

" 'Being pregnant stuff' huh?" Haley laughed as they got into their car.

"It was the best I could come up with, okay? It got us out of there at least."

"Yes, it did, thank god. I love those two but wow, they are the definition of young, newly married parents. Pretty funny to watch."

"Speaking of, what do you say we go home and act like newlyweds?" he said with a smirk.

"I would love that, but I'm really tired, you know, _what with the being pregnant stuff_, and I'm just going to go to bed." She smirked, getting one last playful jab in.

"Yeah, yeah. Alright, I'll just take a quick shower and be in to join you," Nathan said, hiding disappointment, as they walked into the house and paid the babysitter as she left.

When Haley walked in and kissed an already sleeping Jamie goodnight, she heard Nathan turn on the shower and was struck with an idea, suddenly no longer tired.

Nathan stood in the shower, his mind absently running through what was to come in the next few months and picturing their life with a new baby, when everything stopped. His mind shut down and he nearly stopped breathing when he felt two petite hands slide around his waist and land on his chest. Though common sense told him otherwise, his reflexes panicked and he flung the hands off him with a shout and turned around. Immediately regretting that decision, his eyes met the most beautiful sight in the world, and all he wanted was to feel those hands on him again.

Haley faked a shocked expression. "Well I have never gotten that reaction before," she said with a smile.

"Sorry, it's just the last time that happened—" he stuttered, unable to form a complete thought.

But then her eyes softened and she tilted her head, smiling softly. "It's just me, no psycho nannies in here—I checked."

He would have chuckled but he was too busy focusing on her body, and she blushed as his eyes roamed all over her. After several moments, Haley broke the silence.

"Excuse me, Scott! So you're standing here...in the shower...with your wife...who is naked... You wanna step in here?" she smiled.

When his baby blues, slightly darkened and full of lust, finally settled on her deep brown eyes, he grinned and raised his eyebrows, which made her burst into laughter.

"C'mere, you," he said huskily and pulled her to him.


	14. Falling or Flying

fourteen.

"Momma! Daddy!" a voice yelled from across the hall.

Nathan and Haley froze, still in the shower and very heatedly making out. Their eyes locked at their jaws dropped at the same time, and both made a mad dash to exit the shower and wrap themselves in towels.

"I'm right here, baby, what's wrong?" Haley asked, rushing to her little boy.

"Why are you in a towel?" he asked as Nathan stepped up behind Haley. "Why is daddy in a towel?"

"Uh, did you have a bad dream, sweetheart?" Haley asked, dodging his question.

"Yeah. There was a giant monster under my bed! It was gonna eat me, Momma!" Haley hugged her son and soothingly and stroked the back of his head.

"There are no monsters in your room, I promise." Jamie still looked unsure. "Okay, how bout me and Daddy go check?"

"The closets too!" Jamie yelled, hiding behind the wall.

"None under here," Haley said, crouching down under the bed.

"None in the closet," Nathan called. "Come on in, Jamie, it's all clear."

Jamie tiptoed into the room, "I don't know," he said shyly, "They looked pretty real."

Haley couldn't bear to see Jamie looking so scared, so she gave Nathan an apologetic look, knowing he wouldn't like what she was about to do.

"How 'bout I sleep in here tonight with you, sweetie, and I'll fight off any monsters that come near you. Sound good?"

Jamie nodded. "Thanks Momma, I L.O.V.E. you!"

She laughed, "I L.O.V.E. you too! I'm gonna go get into pajamas and I'll be right in."

The second Nathan and Haley were in their room, Nathan's head was on Haley's shoulder. "Haaaaaaales," he complained.

"I know, baby, I'm sorry! But did you see how scared he was? That's my baby," she said, pouting.

"I thought I was your baby."

"Well you're my baby too, but he needs me more." She slipped the towel off her body to put on some pajamas.

"I wouldn't bet on that," he said as he watched her and then left open-mouthed kisses on her neck.

She paused, giving into him, but forced herself out of it. "But he's littler!"

"Okay, well he's got me on that one," Nathan sighed. "Go, I guess I'll be okay."

Haley smiled and kissed his cheek. "Call for me if you get lonely," she quipped, walking into their son's room.

"Guess what we're doing today, Daddy?!" Jamie said excitedly when Nathan walked downstairs. "Having a camp out!"

"A camp out?" Nathan asked, looking towards Haley.

"Yep, Jamie was watching his cartoons and there was a camp out in the episode, so here we are. It's all set up over there," she said with a smile, nodding towards the array of perfectly aligned chairs and sheets draped over them.

"Cool tent," Nathan said. "I can't wait!"

"Oh, sorry Daddy, it's only a camp out for me and Momma."

"Jamie!" Haley scolded. But her expression showed that she melted at his words.

"Okay, Daddy can come. But only if he brings the marshmallows!" he said, running upstairs.

"Morning, babe," Nathan said, finally getting a chance to properly greet his wife and plated a kiss on her lips. "So I'm only good for marshmallows, huh?"

"And one other thing," she joked.

"Ha-ha," he said drily. "Although, you're right, I am pretty good at that. Even though I got robbed of proving that last night."

"Nathan, I will not defend wanting to comfort my son when he is afraid!"

"I know, Hales, I'm only joking. Truth is every time I see you with him like that it makes me love you a little bit more."

"Aw, thank you. But seriously, I'm hormonal, you can't do that to me. I'm near kitchenware, Nathan. I could've been swinging a pan at you."

He laughed. "Noted."

"Hey, so Peyton's coming over today, she wanted to paint the baby room."

"That's cool, JJ's room will be pimped out before she can even appreciate it."

"You are so set on having a girl!"

"Guilty," he smiled, giving her a quick peck on the lips. "Have fun with Peyton, but don't be in there too long, I don't want you and our baby inhaling those fumes."

"But I have to watch!"

"It's Peyton, whatever she does will be amazing. Promise right now."

"Fineeeee, I won't stay in there too long. Now get out of the house before you suck the rest of the fun out of my day! And you better be home in time for that camp out!"

*****

"Hey, Peyton!" Haley said as she walked into the house.

"Hi Hales! Whoa, you're getting big! Pregnant looks good on you," she winked.

"You're funny, but thanks anyway," Haley replied with a smile. "I can't believe I'm seven months already. So how're you and 'the delightful man you live EVERY FREAKING SECOND WITH'?"

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry about that. It must've been awful. We're fine now, I can't eve remember what the fight was about."

Haley laughed. "Oh, to be young and in love."

"You are young and in love."

"I know, it just seemed like the right thing to say."

"Time for someone to stop watching old movies. So how are we doing this baby room? I'm guessing yellow since you don't know, right?"

"Yellows sounds good. But make it funky."

"I was hoping you would say that. Cause I have a great idea."

She handed Haley a few paintbrushes and a face mask. "Sorry, Nate called me and demanded you wear one of these."

Haley laughed and shook her head, "He sure doesn't mess around."

"Not when it comes to you and this baby, Hales, none of us are. And don't you forget it!"

"Alright, alright. So what's this great idea?"

"I'll paint three of the walls yellow. But this one we're leaving white. And taking every color of paint we can find and just splattering it onto the wall."

"Peyton, I love it! Sounds fun."

By the end of the day, both Peyton and Haley were exhausted from flinging paint onto the wall, hoarse from laughing so much, and absolutely covered in paint that had accidentally missed the wall and landed on the other. Haley watched at Peyton took a black paintbrush and wrote "NS + HJS = TLA" over the splattered wall.

"It's amazing, Peyton, thank you so much."

"Anything for you and the Naley baby!" she smiled. Plopping both of them in the middle of the floor, Peyton bombarded her with questions and they shared husband, pregnancy, and children stories. "So tell me the truth do you want a boy or a girl?"

******

Haley and Jamie sat under their living room tent and watched the fire on the TV screen.

"What was that?" Haley asked timidly, seeing Nathan circling the tent, unnoticed by their son.

"What?" Jamie asked.

"I think it's—I think it's---A BEAR!" she screamed, and Jamie screamed with her and Nathan tumbled into their tent with a roar.

Haley burst into laughter as Jamie panted and his eyes were still shocked. "Sorry, baby, I couldn't resist," she shrugged.

Nathan laughed and ruffled Jamie's hair. "I didn't scare you too bad, did I?"

"No, I wasn't scared at all," Jamie bluffed. "Wait, Dad, you forgot the marshmallows!"

"I know, bud, I checked. We're out of them, sorry."

"You can't have a real camp-out without marshmallows!" Jamie whined.

"Son, this isn't a real camp out," Nathan said, but Haley nudged him and sent him a look that warned him to not have said that. Oops.

"I mean, of course it's not a real camp out YET, because we don't have marshmallows, which I'm gonna go get right now!"

"Good," Jamie sighed. "I mean, thanks Daddy!"

"You guys will be okay here, right? I'll only be gone for like 10 minutes, don't do anything fun without me." Kissing the tops of both of their heads, Nathan got in the car and headed to the supermarket.

Nathan was in the middle of the marshmallow isle deciding whether to get extra fluff or jumbo size when his cell phone rang. "Jamie? Whoa, Jamie slow down. WHAT?!"

Both bags of marshmallows fell to the floor and Nathan sprinted out of the store.


	15. Stay

**A/N: Wow. I am completely overwhelmed by the response to this story. You guys are so amazing. To all who have subscribed, favorited, and reviewed, i cannot thank you enough. thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you (and if i had the energy to add more, i would)! you have no idea how much it means.**

tp404**-thank you so much for my first review! 3 Bella2006, Redjewel2662, **jess**, Lovesmesome23 (i lovee your penname:] ),purplemud, Ninpinpin: thank you so much for reviewing, and i'm so so glad you're liking the story. and especially othfangirl: ohmygod, your review made my heart melt. your words were so kind and awesome! i love that you think i handled the characters well in the situations, and i was so humbled by what you said :) thanks a bunch, really.**

**so here is the next update, it's kinda heavy, i'm sorry. i'm definitely trying to crank out the updates as much as possible because i'm leaving on vacation for two weeks and will not have internet (i know, and you think YOU had it rough ;) ) but i will be writing all during that time and will have loads and loads of updates for you after before the 10th and after the 27th. **

***Also there is a tad more swearing in this chapter than in previous, just because i felt it added to the emotion and whatnot, but the dreaded "f bomb" is not dropped more than once. Just wanted to let you know to be on the safe side. If you're offended by that I'm sorry, but don't let it turn you off this story, I try to limit it as much as possible and only use it when i think it enhances the writing. So just proceed with caution ;)**

**anyway enjoy, thank you again, and please review! 33**

fiteen.

The first thing he heard when his shaking hands slammed the keys into their door was Jamie screaming "Momma!" over and over again. And if that pain didn't break his heart into two, the sight he met when he entered the house surely did the job. A crying Jamie sat over Haley—limp on the floor, her curled hair spilled over the carpet and her hands lingering on her protruding bely. He felt the force of a blunt blow to his stomach when he saw a barely noticeable pool of blood between her legs.

"Haley!" he screamed as he rushed to his wife, pulled her into his lap and furiously attempted to wake her. It took every ounce of strength he had in him not to have a breakdown right then and there. His heart was beating out of his chest as terror washed through him and tears pooled in his eyes. He pounded 9-1-1 into his cell phone and screamed for an ambulance.

"Jamie, come here," he said, softening his voice, and pulled his trembling son into his shoulder.

"Is Momma gonna be okay?" he asked through tears pouring down his face.

"I don't know, buddy. You have to tell me exactly what happened."

"She—she was just tickling me and we were both laughing, b-but then she put her hands on her tummy and said it really hurt and t-told me to call you and she f-fell over," he cried, just as the ambulance crew busted through the door.

*****

Nathan sat in the waiting room with his head in his hands and lifted it to look over at Jamie, both sets of identical blue eyes clouded with tears.

Nathan was trying to think of something, anything, to rid the sight of Haley, his beautiful Haley, lying bloodstained and broken on the floor from his mind. But focusing on their happy memories only caused the gut-wrenching pain to rip even harder through him.

"Momma's gonna be okay right, Daddy?"

"I don't know," he whispered, and his voice cracked.

"And JJ too?"

"I don't know."

"Well what happened to her? Where is she? What's gonna happen? I want to see her, can I see her? I don't even care if JJ is a girl or a boy anymore, as long as her and Mommy are okay. They're gonna be okay right?"

"JAMIE, BE QUIET. I DON'T KNOW," he snapped, and placed his head back into his hands.

"I'm sorry, Daddy," he said, his tears getting the better of him.

Nathan immediately regretted his words and reached for his son's hand. "No, I'm sorry, Jamie, I didn't mean to say that. This is **not **your fault, buddy, you hear me? This would've happened even if I was home and you did the best thing. You called me right away, and I'm very proud of you for handling that so well. You're the reason your mom has a chance of being okay." Jamie nodded and Nathan pulled him into his arms.

"I'm scared, Daddy, I'm really scared," he cried on his shoulder.

"Oh, Jamie," he comforted him, rubbing his back, "Me too."

*****

"Okay, Anna, seriously. You've got to go to sleep for me, please," Lucas pleaded, cradling his baby daughter in his arms. "God, I cannot believe you got your mother's eyes, it's so unfair," he sighed. "You know I can't say no to those eyes. Fine, you can stay up, but only until I get your brother settled, you hear me?" he said, wagging a stern finger at her, but couldn't help placing a gentle kiss on her nose, which resulted in a small giggle.

His eyes went wide. "Did you just laugh?" he asked the little girl who couldn't answer. "You did! You just laughed, princess, I've got to tell your mommy about that one," he said, intoxicated by Anna's latest breakthrough. Laughing in astonishment, he glanced down at his watch and ran to write down the time on the calendar with the caption ANNA LAUGHS!

"You Scott women never cease to amaze me," he smiled into her ogling eyes and stepped away to get Keith, "Alright, let's hope your brother's not as stubborn as you are." He nearly did a victory dance when he looked to see Keith sound asleep in his bouncer. "Now you could take a lesson from this little guy," he said to Anna and ran a comforting hand along Keith's fragile head. Lucas lifted his baby son out of the bouncer as if he was dealing with touch sensitive explosives and exhaled when he successfully laid him into his crib. Then he noticed the narrow silver plaque that had each infant's respective initials inscribed on it to be able to distinguish which crib was which. "Of course," he said through gritted teeth when he saw A.E.S, "wrong crib. Of course."

"Thank god we didn't give you Sawyer as a middle name, huh An? Initials A.S.S. You'd hate us for life," he chuckled. When he glanced between the cribs, he was struck with an idea. The cribs weren't that different, right? Why risk waking up Keith to put him in his crib when they could just switch for the night. Peyton was always going on about how it was important for each of them to have their own space, but it was just one night. "Alright, sweetie, time for bed," he said hopefully, laying her into Keith's crib and watching her carefully. She took one look at the blue stuffed animal next to her and lightly flung it away from her. "No, no, no, I'm sorry, don't cry," he said desperately when he saw her face scrunch up in that telltale sign and she let out a wail. "Shhhh," he soothed as he lifted her up, glancing toward Keith and sending a prayer of thanks that he hadn't stirred. He cursed himself for speaking too soon, however, when Anna let out another screaming cry and Keith's eyes opened and he began to fuss.

"Sorry, pal, but I thought I could let the whole wrong cribs thing go, but your sister's having none of that." He put Anna into her crib with Keith first, and she happily snuggled against her pink baby blanket that Haley had given her. He turned to pick up a still very fussy Keith. "Yeah, it's not so much fun being woken up by a screaming baby, is it?" he said, tickling Keith's stomach—usually something that cheered him right up. It didn't work. As they walked past their dresser, Keith reached out to touch a picture of Peyton. "Aw, I know, bud. You mom's alot better at this than I am. She'll be home soon," he said gently and kissed the top of his head, placing the picture of the boy's mother just outside the crib's bars, and Keith fell asleep staring at it.

Upon seeing both babies _finally _fast asleep, Lucas contentedly smiled and fell back onto his bed. But his blissful silence was interrupted by a single ring from the phone across the room, and Lucas literally dove to answer it, falling onto the floor. "Hello?" he whispered furiously into the phone. "If you woke up my children, I swear, Nate," he joked. "Nathan what's wrong? Oh my god," he said, clutching his heart.

*****

"So what'd you do today, P. Sawyer?" Brooke asked her best friend, sitting down on the couch next to her.

"Oh, I was with Hales. We painted the nursery, it was fun."

"That's awesome! I'll bet it looks amazing," Brooke said excitedly. "I have to see it!"

"You have to see what?" Julian cut in, stepping into his and Brooke's home. Brooke flew off the couch and leapt into Julian's arms. "You're home!" she squealed and kissed him.

"Mmmmhm, remind me again why I left," Julian murmured, going in for another kiss.

"New York, something about a new movie. You were gone for two whole weeks" she grumbled in between kisses, still clinging to him.

"Right, remind me not to ever do that again," he smiled, planting one last kiss into her hair. "Hey, Peyton," he said belatedly. "So what was that that Brooke is so desperate to see?"

"Well if you must know, I painted Haley's baby room and it does indeed look awesome," Peyton answered sweetly with a shrug.

"Sounds cool. "

"Yep." She gave him an awkward smile, and the three stood in silence as Brooke and Julian looked from each other to Peyton.

"Yeah, so...you just got home and I'm sure Luke's going crazy with the kids, so I'll be going..." she said, smiling to the side and gathering her purse. They said goodbye and on her way out, she picked up the phone. "Luke, I'm sorry, I'm on my way home I swear—wh-what did you just say?"

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Two seconds after Peyton closed the door, Brooke and Julian were interrupted by a knocking. Brooke skipped to open it and found Peyton standing there with tears in her eyes and Brooke watched as her phone slipped out of her hand onto the floor.

"I'm guessing you didn't forget anything," Brooke said cautiously, her eyes begging Peyton to tell her what was wrong, as Julian stepped behind her.

"It's Haley," Peyton choked, and Julian gripped Brooke's hand as her breath caught in her throat and she felt her heart break in two.

*****

"Nathan!" Lucas called, but slowing his pace when he saw the embrace between Nathan and Jamie.

"Thanks for coming, Luke," Nathan said, looking up at his brother with tired eyes.

"How's she doing?"

"I don't know, man," he answered, shaking his head as Lucas pulled him in for a hug. "Where are the twins?"

"I got Skills to come over and watch them, but he's worried sick about Haley too. Everyone's going crazy, that girl's got a lot of people that love her to death," he said, and changed the subject when Nathan noticeably flinched at the word "death."

"I called Peyton, she's on her way over with Brooke."

Nathan nodded, and snapped his head up when he heard someone call his name.

The three friends rushed towards him, Julian's hand on Brooke's shoulder and Peyton and Brooke tightly holding hands.

"Is she okay?" Brooke squeaked as she hugged Nathan, who responded with a sad shrug and Peyton stepped into Lucas's arms.

"Have you heard anything?" Julian asked as everyone sat down: Nathan back to his normal position, Brooke with Jamie on her lap, Julian's hand on her leg, and Peyton's head resting on Lucas's shoulder. Nathan was just about to answer when he saw someone, or rather someone's feet, approach him.

"Nathan Scott?" the doctor asked tentatively.

"Um, yeah, that's me," he said, brushing off his clothes and trying not to look quite as devastated as he felt. "Please, what's going on? What happened to her? Is she going to be alright? What about JJ—er, the baby?" he asked, unable to stop himself from sounding exactly like his son had just moments ago.

"Mr. Scott, you wife had what we call a placental abruption—"

"What the hell is a _placental abruption?_ What does that mean?" Nathan interrupted, fighting the panic that came over him.

"I know this is stressful, but please let me finish. In difficult pregnancies such as Haley's, after being under distress, the placenta can either partially or completely separate from the uterus. Its symptoms are exactly what Haley suffered, severe abdominal pain and loss of blood."

"But she passed out, that's not normal? Please tell me that's normal."

"Well, no, which is why we're watching her very closely. It doesn't necessarily mean anything serious, it very well could have just been due to the pain, but we want to make sure. We're going to have to act soon, though, and that means a few difficult decisions from you."

"You have to act soon? Goddamn, what does that _mean_?" he hissed angrily, becoming frustrated with the number of times he'd been forced to ask that question. "And where THE HELL is my wife?"

"Haley is in her room, I can take you there. She's out of the emergency surgery you consented to in order to stop the bleeding and you may visit her. Now, we're hoping that the placenta has only been partially separated. But if there has been a full detachment, it could mean serious problems."

Nathan focused on slowing his breathing to ask, "Okay, so what happens next?"

"First, we're going to find out how severe the separation is, and if it is still partially attached, she'll be released and put on bed rest."

"And if it isn't?"

"Then we'll have to do an emergency C-section."

He sucked in a breath and shook his head. "No. No, she's only seven months, it's not safe."

"Mr. Scott, it's the only way to save both your wife and child. And we have an excellent premature department, so the baby would actually have a good chance of surviving with proper medical attention. Once we determine what kind of detachment has occurred, we'll let you know immediately."

*****

After Nathan had done his best to explain everything he'd been told, a line of very nervous friends and family sat in the waiting room twiddling their thumbs.

Nathan jumped to his feet when he saw the doctor approach him again. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Scott, but the placenta has been completely separated. We're going to take her in for a cesarean as soon as possible. I'm very sorry, but we're going to do all we can, this doesn't mean you can't walk out of here with your wife and a healthy baby."

Nathan closed his eyes and sucked in a breath. "Just take to me to Haley."

"Right away, Mr. Scott, but I do have to ask you something. I understand if you need time to decide, but we need an answer before we take her in. This isn't something we normally do, but under the circumstances it's just a precaution. I need you to tell me who our first priority is. If things go wrong we're going to have to tend to one person, either Haley or the baby."

"Don't ask me that!" Nathan shouted, spinning away from the doctor and clenching fistfulls of his hair. "You can't ask me that..."

"I can give you time, but—"

Then a look of determination settled on his face. "Save Haley."

"Are you sure, Mr. Scott? I know it's a difficult decision."

"Difficult?! That's a bit of a fucking understatement, don't you think?" he asked, letting his emotion take over. "You listen to me, whatever happens in there you make DAMN SURE that Haley comes out of that room breathing."

"I'll do that, Mr. Scott, I promise. I'll take you to see your wife now."

As a hurried Nathan followed closely on the heels of the doctor, each of their friends in the waiting room stood up. "Nathan, what's going on?" Lucas asked as they all awaited his answer.

"We can see her," he said in one breath, smiling, and walked past them.

Lucas immediately started to follow, but Peyton held him back. "Let him," she said, patting his shoulder, and they each sat down and went back to worriedly waiting.

. . . . . . .

"Oh, Hales," he said upon entering the room. He slowly walked toward her and interlaced his fingers with hers.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. **I love you**," he repeated, pressing his forehead against hers. "I'm sorry I didn't get the marshmallows sooner," he said, the first thing coming to his mind, and let out a choked laugh when he realized how ridiculous that sounded. "I should've been there."

Breathing in her scent and squeezing her hands, he muttered, "Don't leave me like this, Haley. They want me to make all these decisions, and I just can't. Not without you, you have to wake up. Wake up, Haley, baby, please."

Then he looked at her stomach and his hand shook before he placed it there. "Please be okay," he begged his unborn child, and kissed Haley on the lips, trying to show her all love and want and need he felt for her, even if she wasn't awake to hear him tell her. "You be strong in there, and I'll be right here when you're done. I'm not leaving your side, I promise you Haley."

"Excuse me, Mr. Scott, I'm sorry, but we're going to have to take her now," a nurse said with an apologetic look.

He nodded and kissed Haley's temple. "I love you, both of you," he whispered in her ear, hoping it wouldn't be the last time he did.


	16. All Around Me

Sixteen.

_Nathan pulled the car up to the house as Jamie sighed, "Finally we're home!" Next to him, Haley laughed. "Sorry we kept you away from the video games so long, bud," Haley said, playfully rolling her eyes, and shook her head at him. "That's okay," Jamie answered happily, oblivious to the jab. Each family member got out of the car and Nathan hurried to Haley's side to support her before opening the door to the back seat of their car. "Hello, baby Ava," Nathan cooed as he lifted the newborn out of her car seat. "Ready to see your new home?" Haley asked cheerfully, stepping up behind him and laying her hand on his arm while grinning at their baby. "So, Jamie, what do you think about your baby sis?" the glowing mother (of two! Nathan shouted proudly in his head) asked the six year old walking beside her. He peered into the bassinet Nathan carried and shrugged. "She's cool." Nathan smiled and turned his head to gaze at Haley, who was laughing and their eyes met. "Two children," Haley sighed and Nathan nodded with a smile, leaning in to kiss her. "Let's go show her her room," he said, taking Haley's hand and walking up their porch steps. He swung open their house's front door and met the sight of Haley's hospital room. He turned in confusion towards Haley and saw that she had fallen to the ground. Jamie's mouth dropped into an O and when Nathan glanced down to the pink bassinet holding their baby daughter, it was empty. In a daze, Nathan stepped into the hospital room as his family vanished behind him. Haley lay peacefully in the bed and he watched as she slowly faded until she disappeared. He ran to the bed and ran his hands over the place where he had sworn she'd been just seconds ago. "What the hell?" he asked the doctor who had just entered the room. "I'm sorry, sir, we did all we could, but neither could be saved. I'm so sorry for your loss." Nathan's forehead creased in anger at the doctor's words but when he lunged for him, the floor rushed up to meet his face and he flipped over onto his back, convulsing violently and trying to shake away the fact that his wife and baby were dead. Suddenly he felt several drops of water fall onto his face and he looked up to see Brooke, Peyton, and Lucas peering down at him, all of them with tears in their eyes, and his head nearly exploded as the words "She's still with us" and "She's in a better place now" and "You still have Jamie, and that little piece of Haley inside him" and "you'll be okay" boomed into his ears._

"_STOP IT!" he screamed at them, and then he was lying in his bed next to Haley. "What?" she asked lazily, her eyes full of sadness. "Don't shout, you'll wake Jamie." He looked at her and his heart did a victory dance in his chest as he brought his hands to her cheeks and kissed her forehead. She was alive, and here, and okay, and amazing. "I'm sorry," he muttered and the expression on her face transformed into a radiant smile. "That's okay, sweetheart, I love you," she said warmly, lifting her hand to caress his cheek. He put his arms around her and bent her down to kiss her in an exaggerated old-fashioned Hollywood style. When they surfaced, he stroked her hair. "I had the most awful dream just now," he said and she tilted her head in an apology, "I'm gonna go check on Ava. She's in her room, right?"_

_Her loving look turned into furious anger. "She's gone, Nathan," she snarled coldly. "She died because you let me get attacked and because you told the doctor to ignore her and tend to me like the selfish bastard you are," she spat at him, "She's _dead _and it's all your fault!"_

_Staggering off the bed and away from Haley who was still screaming angrily at him with tears pouring down her face, he ran into Jamie's room and his ears filled with the sound of crying as Haley's yells abruptly stopped. "Make her __**shut up**__," Jamie yelled, sitting up in his bed now. "She hasn't stopped crying since you brought her home." Nathan looked to his right and there was a pink crib, inside it a beautiful screaming baby girl. But he had no need or inclination to move towards her or comfort her. "I'll get Haley," he stuttered, moving towards the door and as soon as the words had left his mouth Jamie burst into tears. "You can't," he said, sobbing, "she's not here. She died and it's stupid Ava's fault." _

_"No, no, she was right in—" Nathan protested, panicked, and ran into the bedroom where she had just been. It was empty. "I HATE YOU!" Jamie screamed from across the hall. "I want Momma, not you!" The he heard soft footsteps behind him and turned with burning eyes to see Jamie holding Ava. "We need __**her**__, you're not good enough," he said with a pout, and Nathan agreed with him, so didn't—or couldn't bear to—respond. "Daddy?" Jamie asked. "Daddy?"_

* * *

"Daddy?" Nathan was jolted awake by his son's voice and opened his eyes to find himself in a hospital waiting room, and as his breathing and heart rate slowed, reality slowly crept its way back into his mind and the facade of his dream faded. "Your mom," he turned to Jamie and grabbed his shoulders, "Where is she?"

The confused boy looked into his father's eyes. "She's still in surgery, like you told me," he said sadly, looking down. "You only fell asleep for like 5 minutes. Uncle Lucas and Aunt Peyton went to get food and Aunt Brooke's at our house getting stuff for us. Uncle Skills called, he was talking really fast and freaking out. Mouth is over there, pacing and mumbling to himself," Jamie explained.

"Right, yeah, okay," Nathan said distractedly. He felt hollow and helpless, unable to accept that the family bliss he'd been enjoying hours ago was now waiting with his son while his wife and child's life hung in the balance; unable to stop it or do anything. He looked around and found that somehow the world had lost its sparkle, that everything was a bit gray now. It was uninteresting and depressing and utterly without hope. His eyebrows knit together and he realized that he had been so wrong in thinking that a combination of things had brought life and color to everything—his family, basketball, his friends—but it was only Haley. He still had incredible and supportive friends and basketball and Jamie, who he loved more than he could imagine, but without Haley, it just didn't mater. He couldn't help the corners of his mouth from curving when he imagined Haley smiling up at him, he deep brown eyes pouring into him, her hair swaying in the breeze, a laugh escaping her lips, the feel of her hand in his, the euphoria and passion he felt when they made love, the stillness and perfection he felt when she was in his arms, the grin she brought to his face when she hugged Jamie and he saw the mothering and loving gleam in her eyes, her angry pout when she screamed at him and he could see she used every inch of strength she had not to walk out, when he looked into her crying eyes and knew she'd be better off without him, when he caught her giving him that look when she saw a better man than he was and he was positive he couldn't even _survive _without her. The scorning glare she gave him the first time he saw her, the hesitation he saw when he first kissed her, the look on her face when she said "I do" twice, when she first looked into his eyes holding their son for the first time. Every single moment they shared: the sweet and romantic and terrifying and sad and angry and confusing and easy and difficult, and perfect. He couldn't give that up.

Water began to pool in his eyes, again, and he angrily swiped at them as Brooke walked toward him, looking just as disheveled and hurt as himself, but he knew she only felt half the pain he did. "Sorry I took so long, but the picture of me and Haley with Mouth from high school was on your dresser...I might've stared at it longer than is normal," she said with a note of sadness in her voice but covered it with a laugh.

"Anyway I, uh, brought you some stuff from home," she said shakily as she sat down next to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Clothes, Jamie's stuff, it's all in the bag," she explained and handed it to him. "And then I...well, I just thought...I brought her pillow," she shrugged and put it in his lap, "and there's a little bit of her perfume on there." He looked at her as if about to cry in gratitude but instead pressed the pillow to his face and inhaled deeply, and if he wasn't sitting down his knees would have buckled. As he did this, Brooke closed her eyes and a single tear splashed onto her cheek. "We just have to believe she'll be okay, Nate," she said comfortingly as he turned to her and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you, Brooke."

*****

"C'mon, little Keith, stop crying," Skills pleaded, bouncing up and down and walking around the room. "Bottle?" he asked hopefully and shoved into the baby's mouth, but that did nothing. "A binky then? No? You're kinda high maintenance, dude."

Finally, Keith drifted to sleep in Skills' arms and he chuckled. "I guess I just had to stop talking." Right as he straightened up from laying the baby boy in his crib, his eye caught the picture of Haley on Lucas's back from when they were younger. "You stop crying, now I'm gonna start," he half-joked and looked towards Anna who was looking up at him curiously. "Your Auntie Haley gon' be okay, right, Anna Banana? I mean, she been though a lot, that girl, she'll be fine. This is nothin, right? Yeah, I thought so. She's your godmother, so y'all are probably pretty close, huh? But I mean who don't love Hales though, you know? Lotta people round here would be pretty lost without her. Nah, she gonna be alright," he said to her confidently, but something in his mind said _I hope._

*****

"Any word yet?" Lucas asked Nathan as he approached and greeted Jamie by brushing his hand over his head.

"No," Nathan answered indifferently. "Where's Peyton?"

"In the bathroom, she's been a little overemotional since we got here, and then she saw macaroni and cheese on the menu in the cafeteria..."

"_To be honest, I'm a little afraid," Nathan said as the two sat down at the table. Haley laughed and opened the envelope that held their next instructions for their 'serial date' that Brooke had set up. It had ended on a sour note, but it was their first date and the first in a long series of screw-ups Nathan would apologize through to get her._

"_Okay...order your favorite dish for the other person."_

"_Any chance your favorite dish is prime rib?" Nathan asked hopefully, but Haley gave him a smile that said no._

"_Yeah, we have a lot of that at my house." They both laughed lightly and there was a pause._

"_I'm not very experienced with this so, uh..."_

"—_Ordering food?" Haley joked._

"_No, I mean—with Peyton, it was all just parties and games and drama, we never really did anything like this. This is different."_

_Haley nodded but her eyes were questioning. "Different good, different weird?"_

"_No, good," he answered quickly and she smiled. "I'm really glad you decided to come," he added, and she looked down and her menu but he saw the smile that played on her lips._

"_Couldn't you be into lobster?" he asked as their food came._

"_Dude, macaroni is food of the gods!"_

"_Yeah if the gods are five-year-olds."_

"Nate?" Lucas asked.

* * *

"Yeah, sorry, I just—uh, is Peyton okay?"

"She'll be fine, she just doesn't want you see her all upset, she's determined to be strong and optimistic."

"And lie," Nathan added, but he said it with a laugh.

"Well, yeah, pretty much," Lucas responded. "How's the team doing?" he asked quickly, thinking Nathan might want to get his mind off Haley.

"Um, pretty good, it looks like we're going to make playoffs. It feels good playing again, it's been a while...we actually had a game tonight, but it was an away game anyway and I haven't been going to those," he said with a shrug.

"Sorry to interrupt, but um...Mr. Scott?" a doctor asked, approaching them carefully. Nathan couldn't read the expression on his face.

"Yes? What happened?"

"Well, we completed the cesarean and Haley is fine—" Nathan felt a little bit of life come back to him and he breathed a sigh of relief while his legs fought to run into the room and see her. "She's in her room now, she's unconscious but she'll probably wake within the hour. She came through with flying colors, she's stable, and she's going to be perfectly fine," the doctor concluded.

"And?"


	17. The Ghost of You Lingers

**AN: **As always, I would like to say thank you to all who have reviewed/subscribed/favorited, it means the world to me :) seriously, it's so awesome thanks!!!!!!

sorry for the long wait, i didn't mean to. after reading over the past chapters, i've realized that there are quite alot of chapter-ending cliffhangers. like, too much. that's annoying, sorry about that, there will be no more.

one last thing, i'm very sorry for this chapter. if some of you hate me for it i completely understand, but you should know that i did it for a purpose and that purpose is so the ending of the story will be much more significant. if you can bear it just hang on until then, you'll understand. next chapter will be coming soon! enjoy & please review =D

seventeen.

"And?!" he pressed again, a new roughness forming in his voice as the euphoria due to Haley's well-being slowly faded and something in his mind said _it's not over._

Nathan's body tensed and he drew in a sharp breath when he saw the doctor hung his head. Anger coursed through his veins; if the news was bad, the bastard could at least look him in the goddamn eye. "I'm very sorry," he began, "but there was nothing we could do. The—" he stuttered momentarily and stumbled over his next words, "the baby didn't make it through. What I need you to know is that this in no way is due to the priority choice you made. We experienced no complications at all; the baby was unresponsive from the moment we operated. I know it's been a difficult few days for you, we're happy to provide anything you need, I'm deeply sorry."

He had no words. A thousand questions and exclamations were screaming in his mind, but he could not muster the strength to say them aloud.

"Oh, and, um, Mr. Scott, it was a boy."

Nathan staggered back from the doctor as his words echoed in his head. His mind didn't know what to think, what to do, so his body gave him the only reflex he knew—he ran to Haley.

As he slid into the chair next to her hospital bed after kissing his wife fervently on her forehead, a strangling weight settled in his chest. He could hardly swallow what had had happened—that everything they'd been looking forward to and preparing for over the past seven months was gone. That they would go home with Jamie and it would be like Haley was never pregnant at all, like someone was writing their life and suddenly decided to go in a different direction, tossing the last months of their life into the wastebasket. That he had to tell Haley the news that would break her heart, he had to convey what had happened to every one of their friends in the waiting room, he had to explain to Jamie who probably wouldn't understand. It was too much—he wanted it to cease, to go away, to pause. But it wouldn't.

After minutes that could have been hours, Nathan saw Haley stir. He squeezed her hand and his heart fluttered when she opened her eyes. Momentarily lost, he smiled. And then her eyes instantly came into focus on his face, begging him to give her the one answer she needed to hear, and his smile immediately vanished. His head began to fall, but he snapped it right back and looked her directly in the eye. "Hales—" his voice was hoarse and sad, and her eyes widened and she shook her head in disbelief as he muttered "I'm sorry."

He saw that she knew what he meant at the flicker of emotion that crossed her face, but she controlled it. Pursing her lips as her eyebrows angrily furrowed, she managed to speak. "Sorry about what, Nathan?" but her pitch didn't rise as it usually did when one asked an innocent question, awaiting the answer. She knew the answer, and her words were monotonous, almost cruel sounding, but there was a sadness behind it that only he could hear. "Say the words, Nathan."

But he couldn't, so he just shook his head. And instead of pressing him to continue and calling him on his cowardice, she turned her eyes to meet his and her bottom lip quivered as tears began to roll down her cheeks and she leaned into him, allowing his arms to enclose around her and hold her as she cried.

"What are we gonna do?" Nathan asked later into her hair and cautiously watched her reaction when she pulled away to look at him.

"Whatever we have to do." He didn't quite know what she meant, but her puffy red eyes held a gleam of defiance and certainty.

"Haley," he began, unsure of whether he should even share this information with her, afraid that it would only make her sadder. But he had to tell her. "It was a boy." Her eyes brimmed with tears, but she smiled radiantly. "So he was JJ." As she spoke, her head fell onto her shoulder and her smile lingered. "Yeah," he chuckled, also smiling, and squeezed her hand.

"Hales, I know I said I wanted a girl so often, but you have to know I—"

"Oh, Nathan, I know you would love him just the same, I didn't question it for a second," she assured him comfortingly. "Me and all my Scott boys," she whispered, repeating the words that she had said in an excited and hopeful time when they decided on baby names.

"Instead of _Little Red Riding Hood _and _The Three Little Pigs_, it'd be 'Little Ugly Poncho and her three Scotts'." But his nervous joke fell flat and she only smiled sweetly. Tears still falling, but slower now, she breathed in deeply and said what she knew would be difficult to, "Jamie would have loved it, a little brother. He would have been so happy."

Nathan nodded. "I'll tell him," he said, defeated.

"Would you let me?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I'll go get him now. I guess I'll tell everyone out there."

"What are you talking about?"

"Everyone's out there, Haley. Lucas, Peyton, Brooke, Julian, Skills, Mouth...they've been here as long as you have."

She smiled as tears formed in her eyes again and she thought just for a second that maybe she was lucky. She felt a flicker of—what? happiness? hope? But then reality tapped her on the shoulder and reminded her what happened.

"They're all here for you, baby. Everyone hates seeing you hurt," he got up to leave and she whispered "too late" as he closed the door.

* * *

"Momma?" Jamie asked shyly as he slowly walked into the room toward her bed.

"Hi, baby. C'mere."

His discomfort seemed to slide away when she smiled and he climbed in the bed.

"So I have to tell you something, bud, and it's really sad."

She looked into his innocent eyes and wished he would never know of the hardness and cruelness of life, knowing that she had been the one to inform him of it, and would have to again.

"I know you were expecting to have a little baby sibling, who was growing in my belly. But sometimes things go wrong and they never grow properly and they don't get to live outside." She waited for him to process this.

"Did that happen to JJ?" he asked and looked as if he didn't really want to know the answer.

"Yes, it did, buddy, I'm sorry," she answered, beginning to get choked up. "But guess what? The baby was a boy. A little brother," she offered with a smile.

"But I never even got to meet him, it's not fair."

"I know it's not. But he knew you, and he knew you loved him. All those times you talked to my stomach or touched it, he felt that, and he knew it was you. He wanted to meet you, Jimmy-Jam, he would get all excited when he heard your voice."

"You think he loved me?" Jamie asked.

"I _know_ he loved you. And so do I, and so does your daddy. So now we're going to home and it'll be the three of us, just like before, okay?"

"No, it won't," Jamie frowned. "But I love you too, Momma."

. . .

"Jesus, I can't believe this happened." Lucas growled to Nathan as the two brothers stood outside the hospital room watching Haley talking cautiously to Jamie who was sitting in her lap. Nathan fought the urge to run in to her when he saw a tear escape her eye, but Jamie said something and she smiled.

"It's too much. All the shit she's been through this year, god, not even this year, since—"

"Since she married me," Nathan said, pulling his head up from the ground to look at Lucas.

Looking into Nathan's eyes, for the first time since he'd been at the hospital, Lucas stopped thinking about Haley and realized how much all of this affected Nathan. He saw the pain and hurt and—guilt?

"No, man, you made her life better," Lucas said, and he knew Nathan didn't believe it.

"You did. She loves you so much Nate, she would never be where she is today without you."

"Exactly," Nathan spat at him. "She wouldn't be here, in that hospital room, in pain, dealing with the loss of a baby that didn't get to live, with a scar on her arm from where a fucking pyscho hit her because he was angry with ME, she wouldn't be carrying around the day that she almost lost her life and Jamie's because I let things get too far with Carrie, she wouldn't be..." his voice trailed off as he looked through the window at Haley.

"Nathan—" Lucas began to protest, but Nathan rolled his eyes and put up a hand to silence him.

"Save it," he bit out and walked away; Lucas trailed after him.

. . .

"Wait," Peyton said to Brooke, who had her hand on the knob to open Haley's hospital room door. She nodded in the window. "We shouldn't interrupt."

Brooke agreed and stepped closer to look in. "She's such an amazing mom," she said as she saw Haley touch Jamie's nose and induce a smile from her upset son. "I hope I can be half the mother she is someday," and as soon as the words left her lips Peyton's head snapped toward her and shot her a look. "No, I'm not," she laughed. "I was just saying, geez."

"Sooorry," Peyton said, as her face relaxed, "but it's been quite the baby boom around here lately." They both stopped at her words as they realized the situation. "I can't imagine," Peyton breathed out, at a loss for what to say and Brooke responded with a deflated "I know."

"I feel so bad for her," the tall blonde frowned.

"I just want to give her a hug," shrugged the petite brunette.

"She's going to need us, you know. We've got to be there for her."

"We will be."

*****

The family stepped into the sunlight upon exiting the hospital, Jamie in Nathan's arm and Nathan's other hand firmly clasped in Haley's.

"Ready?" he asked with a squeeze.

Haley sucked in a breath and nodded once. "We can do this," she said.

Nathan opened the backseat door to put Jamie in the car and fumbled to throw the infant car-seat out of sight, but Haley saw it and he felt her flinch.

"Finally home!" Jamie sighed as they pulled up to their house. Images of Nathan's dream flashed in his mind, but in reality there was no baby in the car seat that was now carelessly thrown in the trunk. Haley didn't laugh; she didn't joke. She just stared ahead absently.

However, just as in the dream, Nathan did rush to Haley's side to support her. But he stayed by her side and didn't even look at the backseat on the opposite side of Jamie, which was empty. No words were shared as the three walked up to their house. Nathan spoke first. "So—" but Haley had already disappeared into the house. He followed her upstairs and saw her enter their bedroom, closing the door to the nursery as she walked through the hallway. Even though she'd closed the door behind her, he stepped in. She sat up straight in the middle of their bed with her legs folded in her lap, staring at the crib across from the bed. He had no clue what to say, so he sat down next to her and said nothing. She didn't cry, she didn't speak, she just dropped her head onto his shoulder as they both stared into the face of what could have been.

*****

The next weeks were difficult. They were quiet, awkward, and sad. The air was full of what needed to be said but what none of them could bring themselves to. Nathan couldn't find the words to comfort to Haley. He couldn't bring himself to hold her or kiss her, not when everything she'd been through, all her pain, was his fault. He knew she wanted nothing to do him, so he was distant. And the same went for Haley. She had lost Nathan's child, so she was distant.

Nathan was the first to break out of his trance. He couldn't shake the guilt that consumed him, but he needed his wife and she knew needed him. Approaching her, Nathan looked pleadingly into his wife's eyes, but they were vacant and expressionless. The fire that usually danced behind them was absent. The smile that had recently been laced on her lips had faded. She wasn't Haley, she was an empty shell of the woman he loved, and all he could do was be supportive and gentle and just wait, and hope she would come back to him. He would let her heal on her own time, but he would be there whenever she needed him with arms wide open, not lurking around the house avoiding her. "Haley, I—"

"I'm sorry." Haley interrupted.

"What?"

"I'm sorry I lost the baby," she said shakily.

"No, oh my god, Haley, this is not your fault," he said, shocked, and reached out to touch her arm.

"How can you say that, when you've been so angry—"

"Because it's mine," he said quickly, and sighed.

"Nathan."

"It is, Haley. I've put you through so much."

"It's not your fault."

"It's not yours either, baby," he said, and he meant it. He didn't blame her for a second.

"So it's no one's fault, it's just this really sucky thing that happened that we have to deal with."

"Okay," he said and kissed her forehead. He leaned down to kiss her lips but she turned her head and he landed on her cheek. Before he could say anything, she quietly got up from the chair where she was sitting and left the room.

More time passed, and though the tension had eased since they'd really talked, something was still off. When he reached for her hand, she would smoothly pull her hand away, when he hugged her she stepped away too quickly, when they talked she would answer in curt dismissive answers. She walked into rooms and forgot why she was there, she would stare at a book without turning a single page. Haley was bereft of the child she lost; Nathan was bereft of the Haley he missed.

No tears fell from Haley's eyes. No pain pierced her heart. No sadness gripped her. Nothing. Nothing but a stillness that had her insides screaming, a dullness that made her sick to her stomach. Everything was gray and lifeless. She was empty.

. . .

The next morning, as he washed his face, he caught sight of a little blue box on the corner of the sink.

"You're back on birth control?" he asked when he found her downstairs, a whisper.

Caught off guard, she looked up at him with sad eyes. All he needed to see was her head begin to nod, and he recoiled.

"I thought you wanted—?"

"Yes I did," and her use of the past tense sliced through him like a knife. "But I didn't want _**a **_baby Nathan, I wanted THAT baby, that soul, that beautiful baby boy, that brother Jamie's always wanted," he thought tears would escape her eyes, but her look was hard and her face stone.

"Oh, Hales, of course, so did I—"

"And it's not like I even need it, we haven't been together since."

"Not because I don't want to, I just didn't want you to—" he explained quickly, knowing immediately he'd gone about this all wrong.

"What? Be reminded of how babies are made? Afraid it would make me cry? Stop tip-toeing around me. I'm fine."

"No, you're not." And then his lips were on hers. "Neither am I."

She pulled away. "I just need time...You can't—you don't understand that pain," she said quietly, her words heavy, and she backed away from him as if every step caused her physical anguish.

He would never know what it was like to have your baby die inside of you or feel that hollowness, but he knew the pain of losing a child he loved. "You don't understand," she had said, and the worst part was that he did.

He was on the way to their bedroom to find her when he saw her. She sat on the floor in the middle of the nursery, the room that hadn't been entered for a month and a half. He sat down next to Haley, placing one arm around her. The second he was there, tears streaked down her face and her shoulders began to shake with the sobs that now wracked her body. Haley cried for the first time since they'd come home from the hospital; and his wife was back, had come back to fill the shell she'd left him with, safe on the shore after the shipwreck, weeping in his arms in the moment he'd been waiting for.


	18. My Way Home is Through You

eighteen.

"Where are you going?" Nathan asked as the blur that was his wife sped past him, "Let me carry some of that!"

"No, I'm fine, just—" he held his arm out, gently stopping her as he noticed what was in the huge boxes she was carrying. She paused, looking up at him with big, unsure, apologizing eyes. "I just need it gone," she said so quietly that he almost didn't hear.

"Don't." His voice was more stern than she'd expected, and it didn't match his compassionate eyes.

"Nathan—" she started.

"No. No, you're not going to haul off all of JJ's stuff and throw it away like he was never even a part of our life!" Anger rose within her at his wrongly assumed accusation but she heard the catch in throat when he said their baby's name and it softened her.

"That is not what this is about, and you should know that," she said, her voice still quiet, but her words carried such weight that it would have been the same to him even if she'd screamed them.

He began to backtrack, but she stopped him. "I would never dream of forgetting him for a _minute_. And I never will. But seeing that crib in our room everyday, the highchair in the kitchen, and all the baby toys in the nursery—" she looked for words but couldn't find them—"I can't do it anymore, it hurts too much."

He took in her words. He immediately regretted just leaving everything lying around the house like big flashing signs of their loss and not removing them long ago, but he couldn't. For him, that made it more final, more real.

"Can you understand that?" Haley asked, noting his silence.

"Of course I can," he replied, pulling her into his arms, albeit awkwardly (as a box still rested in one of her arms on her hip, she was too stubborn to put it down). "I'm sorry, Hales."

She sighed in gratitude, lifting one of her arms to carress his cheek, and turned to pick up another box, continuing her way outside.

"But you're still not getting rid of this stuff."

"Excuse me?" she said, with a bit more attitude than she intended.

"Haley, put those boxes down now. I understand your reasoning, I get it, but I'm sorry, I won't let you do this."

"I don't need your permission."

"And yet I need your permission for every single thing I do in this house. If I can't move a damn lamp then you can't throw every single baby item in the house away!"

She so badly wanted to throw a stinging comeback at him, but she didn't. He was being ridiculous and she wasn't going to indulge him with an argument. "Fighting won't make this any better, Nathan."

"Neither will that," he said, nodding towards the boxes full of baby stuff. When she opened her mouth, partly in shock and partly to protest, he just shook his head and walked out their front door.

"Ugh!" she yelled at no one. Picking up the first thing she saw, she threw it at the door. Then saw it made a mark and got cleaning supplies. As she scrubbed, she dialed her phone. "Hey, Brooke! Listen is Peyton with you? I'm gonna need a favor."

* * *

"Hey, friend!" Brooke greeted as Haley opened the door with a scowl on her face.

"Um, did you ask us over to hide a body?" Peyton asked.

"Yeah, Nathan's," Haley growled.

"Okay," Brooke murmured and Peyton asked what Haley's butt headed husband did this time.

"He was so—so—ugh! You should've heard how he was talking to me, so controlling, like _I am the alpha_. Completely undermining me—he refused to _let me. _LET ME!"

Brooke shook her head. "He used those words?" Peyton asked and dropped her jaw when Haley nodded quickly.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid."... "Hales, I really want to hear about this, but do you think you could maybe let us in?"

"Ohmygod I'm so sorry!" Haley aid, coming to her senses and opening the door.

"What's all this?" Peyton asked, nodding toward the boxes full of baby toys, blankets, and pieces of furniture.

"It's um, it's JJ—uh, the, the baby's stuff," Haley stuttered, looking down at the ground. Peyton put her hand on her shoulder and Brooke squeezed her hand.

"Why is it in boxes?"

"Because I want it gone. Gone, out my line of vision, gone out of my life, gone out of my _heart_ gone."

"Honey are you sure about this?"

"Yes, Brooke, I'm sure," Haley snapped.

"You just—I think maybe you might regret it later."

"OR people could stop telling me how I fell and realize that I..I lost a child," she choked, "and no one understands that so no one should tell me how to deal with it!"

"Of course, Hales, I'm so sorry. Give me a box."

Pulling out of Brooke's hug, Haley mumbled a thank you. "I'm not mad at you, I'm sorry—"

"We understand," Peyton said immediately. "You could punch me in the face right now and I wouldn't be mad." Haley laughed, "Careful what you wish for!"

"Not kidding! Now where are these boxes going?"

"Outside. In the trash."

Brooke and Peyton shared a look, unsure, but decided that if that was Haley needed they would do it.

Each carrying a heavy box, they staggered outside and places them in a pile near the trash cans. When they had finished and everything was outside, Peyton opened one of the boxes. "This is so cute!" Brooke opened a few more and sorted through the things, showing a few to Haley as she "aww"ed.

"What?" Haley asked, looking over to Peyton and taking the beanie baby from her hands. "We bought this one cause it's name was Rain," she smiled. "In fact we bought all the stuff from this really cute baby store one day. I was really freaked out because we weren't—you know—sure what would happen...so Nathan took me and Jamie to the store after picking him up from school. We played house in the furniture part of the store and bought the crib and rocking chair...Nathan was so cute the whole time, holding baby clothes up to my stomach to see if they'd fit...and then on the way home the baby kicked for the first time." Her eyes were glistening with tears by the time she'd finished.

The blonde and brunette each grabbed one of Haley's hands. "So maybe we shouldn't throw all these memories away, huh?" Brooke whispered. "They're good ones."

Haley swiped at her eyes. "It doesn't matter, they have to go." She picked up a box and went to throw it in a can, but Peyton stopped her. "How 'bout the attic then? That way they're out of sight but not destroyed."

"Okay," she said, defeated. So they picked everything up again, and started back into the house.

* * *

Once the majority of the stuff had been hauled into the attic, Brooke and Peyton pulled Haley onto the floor. "Are you ever going to tell us what this is about? And the fight with Nathan?"

Haley frowned. "It hurts."

Brooke and Peyton looked at her with sympathetic faces and repressed the urge to hug her so she could finish. "He saw me taking all the stuff out and got really defensive and then _I _got defensive and he stormed out," she frowned. "He just doesn't get it you know? It hurts all the time, I can't explain it. I feel so empty, and having all of this stuff around me just reminds me over and over again. I can't deal with it anymore, I can't get past it with all of this around," she shrugged.

"Haaales," Brooke pouted as both leapt at her for a hug. "This...it just sucks!" Peyton blurted out and Haley sighed an "I know."

"Do you think you and Nathan will try again? I mean you still want more kids, right?"

"I don't know. I can't even begin to handle that right now. I mean first of all, it's too soon. I feel like it would be cheating, or a betrayal or something. It's not like he was something we can just replace."

"I know, sweetie."

"Ugh, I don't want to talk about it anymore. Thanks, you guys. I needed this."

"We're always here. Anyway, there's only a few boxes left, me and Peyton will get them, and by the time we get back there better be a smile on that face!"

*****

"Haley?" Nathan asked timidly as he walked in the house. But as he scanned the house for his wife, all he saw was the scurrying legs of Brooke as she pushed who he assumed to be Peyton up the stairs.

"Go! Go!" Brooke giggled and Peyton squealed.

"What--?" Haley asked with a laugh as her friends tumbled into the attic, both out of breath.

"He's home," Brooke answered, pursing her lips. "He had flowers," Peyton smiled.

"Yeah, he had flowers, don't be mad," Brooke faux-whined.

Haley considered this. "Were they purple?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Brooke and Peyton looked at each other questioningly. "No, red roses."

Haley scoffed.

"What's wrong with roses?! It's so sweet!"

Haley good-naturedly rolled her eyes. "Maybe for you guys. But if the flowers aren't purple he doesn't mean it. He's sorry, but he still thinks he's right. It's the equivalent of Jamie swearing he'll never have cookies before dinner with chocolate on his face and his fingers crossed behind his back."

Both laughed. "You two," Brooke shook her head.

"We should go so you can talk. Talk to him, Hales," Peyton said as both girls hugged her goodbye. "Call us anytime."

"Bye, Nate," Brooke and Peyton both said as they hurried out the door.

"What were they doing here?" Nathan asked as Haley walked down the steps.

"Well, hello to you too."

"Sorry." He approached her and put his arms around her. "Hello, my beautiful wife. I'm sorry I stormed out."

"It's okay."

"I got you these," he said hopefully, handing her the roses.

She laughed. "Thank you, they're beautiful."

"Hales, I overreacted. I'm so sorry." He began to walk into the room where all the boxes had been. "I decided that—"

He stopped, seeing the empty room. "Where did the baby stuff go?"

"I got rid of it."

"You what?"

"I got rid of it, Nathan."

"I can't believe this," he said, glaring angrily at her as he walked out of the room.

"Nathan!" she yelled, infuriated, but he ignored her.

*****

Hours later, he found her furiously cleaning out the kitchen cupboards, as he'd suspected. "Haley," he started.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Why not?"

"Because you're being a stupid jerk."

"Well you're being a stubborn—"

"Don't you dare," she warned.

"Fine, I'll be in the living room not talking to you either."

"Ass!" she yelled after him as he walked away and she heard him laugh, going into their living room and turning on the TV.

* * *

Later that night, after trying in vain to do some songwriting--it had been a while since she'd written something nice and angry--she scowled as the stupid football announcers' voices boomed through the house at an increasing volume. Slamming down her notebook and marching into the room, she stopped right in his line of vision to the TV. "Will you please turn that down?" Haley asked, and not very nicely.

"I might if you talk to me," he said, smiling up at her and switching off the television.

"I can deal with the noise," she shrugged and walked past him, but he grabbed her waist and pulled her into his lap on the couch.

She tried to twist out of his grip but he stilled her movements by pulling her chin toward his and kissing her. She relaxed into his touch, and when their lips parted, she whispered, "That doesn't solve everything, you know."

"It helps though, right?" he asked, smirking.

Hiding the smile pulling at her mouth, she looked at him seriously. "I hate when we fight. Especially now."

"Me too, baby. Look, we're both hurting pretty badly," he sighed and she nestled closer into his chest, "and it's not fair to take it out on each other. We have to be together in this, help each other."

"I know," she sighed.

"Haley, I love you so much and I hate seeing you in this much pain, it breaks my heart. And even more than that, I hate being the one hurting you. I'm sorry I got angry and became a stupid jerk," he said lightly, nudging his nose against hers. "Don't forget ass," she added.

"Right. Hales the reason I reacted so strongly was that I only kept that stuff around because if we got rid of it, that makes it real, and I don't know if I can face that."

"But it is real," Haley said sadly.

"I know," he said and squeezed her against him.

"I only put it in the attic."

"What?"

"Brooke and Peyton helped me put the stuff the attic. We didn't throw it away."

"Thank you," he whispered and kissed her forehead.

"I don't know where to go from here," Haley confessed. "That's why I wanted to get rid of it. I feel—I feel like a part of me has been _ripped out_," she said heavily and began to cry into Nathan's shirt. "I don't know how to go on, how to heal, and every time I see that crib or anything we bought for him, I just picture you holding him or me watching him sleep and I can't do it anymore, it just rips the hole inside me further and further apart and I just can't. The only way I can even begin to move forward and accept what happened is to not have all of it staring me in the face everyday, daring me to hope for the impossible."

He crushed his crying wife into him and held her as tight as he could. "I'm such an idiot." She let out a choked laugh. "I didn't even think. I should have thought about how much it would hurt you to see all of that. I was being so selfish Haley, I'm so sorry."

She whimpered an acceptance and he kissed the top of her head again. "We can't get him back, Hales, I wish that we could. But it's okay to remember him, you know."

When he didn't hear a response, he looked down to find her asleep. He wiped her tear-stained cheeks and picked her up and carried her up the stairs. When he laid her on their bed, she slowly opened her eyes and looked at him. "Why did this happen to us?" she asked, and the unsteadiness of her voice pulled at his heartstrings. He climbed under the covers next to her and cradled her face in his hands. "I don't know, baby."

"What do you think we'd be doing right now?"

"If he was here? Maybe getting a bottle, being frustrated and sleep-deprived. I'd be watching in wonder as you sang him to sleep."

"Mmm," she sighed, smiling. Tell me more."

"He would be beautiful. With your big brown eyes and smile, but my ears and nose. We'd be lying in each other's arms, kissing a little—no, kissing a lot. And then we'd groan in frustration when we heard him cry, but secretly you loved it just cause you wanted to hold him again. Then I would try to get you to go back to sleep and let me get him, but you wouldn't be having any of that, and you'd scurry in to pick him up, cooing his name in that adorable baby voice you do." Tears poured down her face, but Haley smiled radiantly. "Jamie would probably come in complaining that he was tired and had school the next day and I'd go downstairs with him away from the noise, maybe get him to drink some milk and before you know he'd be out cold. I'd tuck him in and walk in our room to find the most beautiful sight in the world, you holding our son. I'd probably be doing everything I could to keep from taking you right there." Haley scoffed at him but he continued. "You'd be singing something beautiful, even though your voice was groggy from sleep. Then I'd pick you up and put you on my lap, like I used to with Jamie, and watch you sing and watch his face go into that comfort zone only you could bring out and he'd fall asleep. You probably would too, eventually, but I wouldn't move you because I was too at peace. Jamie across the hall, you and our baby both asleep in my arms, there would be nothing more perfect to me." He flicked tears away from her eyes, and she looked up to him, noticing that tears pooled in his own eyes. They looked at each other in silence for what seemed like hours until Haley spoke.

"I wish that was real."

"I wish I could give that to you," he said quietly, gently swiping her tears away with his thumb.

"I love you so much," she whispered.

"I love you too," he answered. "More than you know."

She tilted her head up to kiss him and then snuggled into his arms as they both drifted to sleep and dreamt of better things, deeply intertwined.

* * *

_two months later...christmas eve_

"Baby when you kiss me, like I made you miss me even though I'm dancing in your arms, baby when we go slow like a radio so tender when they call in love is on the line. I'm so glad that you're mine and when I close my eyes all I can see is your smiling face loving me. I don't know if I told you, you can't go til I told you that I think you are the sweetest thing," she sang.

Nathan smiled into the phone. "I think you should start like that every time you call me, it's so much better than hello."

"You like it?" she asked happily. "I just wrote it for my new boyfriend."

"Ha-ha. You're so funny," he said dryly.

"Don't get pouty, you know I wrote it for you."

"That's what I like to hear. Thank you, Hales, it's awesome. Where are you, anyway?"

"Running around like a mad woman! This Wii Fit that Jamie wants is impossible to find."

"Oh, well, I'll come meet you, are you at the mall?"

"You can't! You're with Jamie."

"No, I'm not, he's at Luke's, I sent him over there so I could wrap some presents."

"You still can't meet me. You have to stay home because—because someone could break in and steal the tree and all the presents and ruin Christmas."

"I'm pretty sure the Grinch is a fictional character, Hales."

"Hey, it could happen. You need to stay home."

"Haley."

"Nathan."

"Why won't you let me come help you look?"

"I, uh, I already found it."

"No you didn't. It's Christmas Eve, is it so bad that I want to be with my wife?"

"You can't take a hint to save your life. I'm getting you a Christmas present, happy?!"

"Aw, you're cute. I'll see you when you get home then, love you."

"Yeah, yeah. Love you too, gotta go bye!"

"Momma, you're home!" Jamie said excitedly as she walked into the house. "Look how many presents are under the tree already!"

"Awesome!" she said, high-fiving him. "Where's Dad?"

"Right here," he called. "Hey, babe—" he looked confusedly at Jamie when she bolted at the sight of him.

"Where are you going?"

"Hm? Nothing!" she called as she ran up the stairs with packages in her hands.

She came downstairs to find Nathan and Jamie on the couch watching A Christmas Story and plopped herself between them. "I love this movie," she stage-whispered. "We know," they both replied. "So, Nathan what'd you get me? Huh, huh?" she asked, poking him.

"I'm not telling."

"Come on, what'd you get me?"

"Okay, I got you—"

"Don't tell me!"

He laughed. "I swear, Christmastime turns you into such a little kid."

"Would you love me if it didn't?" she challenged.

"Yeah, maybe a little less though."

She laughed and gave his shoulder a light shove as she turned to Jamie. "You excited for Santa, Jimmy Jam?"

He laughed and rolled his eyes. "Mom."

"What?"

"I know Santa's not real."

Haley gasped. "He is TOO real! James Lucas Scott, do not tell me you don't believe in Santa Clause because let me tell you he _exists._"

"Okay, Mom, whatever you say. I'm gonna go feed Chester."

"I can't believe this happened! It's too soon!" Haley whined to Nathan once Jamie was out of earshot. "Why aren't you upset about this?!"

"Hales, he's eight. Most of his friends have older siblings who spoiled it for them and they told Jamie. It was bound to happen eventually."

"Well I don't care, we're still marking half of the presents from Santa and putting out milk and cookies."

"I didn't doubt it for a second. I love you, Hales, merry Christmas Eve."

She smiled. "Merry Christmas Eve," she punctuated her statement with a short kiss that turned into a long one. They slid down further on the couch so that he covered her and he turned his head to leave a trail of open-mouthed kisses on her neck. She pulled his face back up to kiss him as his hands moved from her waist up her shirt. "Nathan, we can't," she warned, breathless, only half meaning it.

Nathan whispered in protest. "What, we can't kiss?"

"Not like this we can't. We can't," she repeated, scolding herself more than him.

"Can't what?" Jamie asked, walking in, and yelled a "gross!" when he saw them on the couch.

Nathan laughed as Haley jumped off the couch, straightening her shirt and said, "Can't open presents yet!" a little higher than her normal voice. "Your dad wanted to open some, but I told him we have to wait for Christmas morning. Right, Nathan?"

"Yeah, silly me. Have to wait," he sighed, looking at Haley, who shook her head and held back a smile. "Alright, Jamie, you want to go start baking the cookies?" He nodded and was ushered into the kitchen. Needless to say, by the end of the night more cookie dough had been either eaten or thrown at someone than actually made it to the oven.

*****

"I think Jamie's asleep, finally, I have to go get this cookie dough off and I'll be down in a minute," Haley said to her husband who was pouring them each a glass of eggnog.

"I could get that off for you," he said, and quickly turned to lick a spot of cookie dough off her shoulder. She laughed.

"That sounds fun, but I'm going to take a shower."

"Let me join you."

"You're impossible," she giggled. "As much as I'd like to say yes, why don't I take a quick shower while you fill the stockings and I'll be down soon to help you put Santa's presents under the tree."

"Fine," he sighed, as she kissed him on the cheek and ran upstairs.

* * *

"It looks great down here!" Haley said as she came downstairs to see all the lights turned off, only the candles and Christmas tree lights glowing in the dark.

"It's 12:39," Nathan said, surprising her by sneaking up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist. "Merry Christmas, Haley," he whispered in her ear before kissing it. She spun around in his arms to face him. "Merry Christmas," she smiled, lifting onto her tiptoes as he leant down to kiss her. When they broke apart, he led her to the couch and handed her a glass of eggnog. She folded into his arms as they watched the flames crackle in the fireplace and listened to soft Christmas music. "This would have been JJ's first Christmas," she sighed. "Remember Jamie's first Christmas? That was so fun. Nerve-wracking, chaotic, but amazing."

"Yeah, it was. I can't tell you how badly I wish there was a baby in your arms, Haley."

"Me too. I want that so bad it hurts. But you know what? This is pretty perfect too," she said with a sad smile.

"Anything with you is perfect," he said, kissing her again.

"Sooo cheesy," Haley laughed.

"You loved it."

"Maybe."

"You wanna head upstairs?" Nathan asked, noticing her drooping eyes. "Yeah, let's go." She lifted out of his arms and began to walk up the steps. "Coming?"

"One second," he answered. When he saw her disappear into their bedroom, he pulled something from its hiding spot behind the tree and hung a fourth stocking on the mantle.

"There you are," she said quietly as he entered their room. "I was going to wait for you, but the bed looked too comfy," she said with a sheepish smile.

"It's okay." He climbed onto the bed next to her, wrapping one arm around her waist. "You look nice on the bed." She giggled into his lips as he fused their lips together. "I was thinking about asking for one early Christmas present," he murmured as they kissed.

"And what's that?"

He answered by moving on top of her, never breaking their kiss. "Nathan—"

"Come on, Jamie's asleep!"

"Kids never sleep on Christmas Eve, they're too excited."

"Hales, I can hear him snoring. And he doesn't believe in Santa anyway."

She punched his shoulder. "Sorry," he winced. We'll work on that in the morning."

"Baby you know that I want to but it's too risky!"

"Alright," he surrendered, frustrated, and rolled off of her onto his back next to her so that they weren't even touching.

"Oh, what the hell," Haley sighed. "C'mere."

*****

"IT'S CHRISTMAS!" Jamie shouted as he jumped on top of the sleeping Nathan and Haley's bed. "Wake up, wake up, wake up!"

"Idonwanna," Nathan mumbled, as Haley clenched her eyes shut, as if closing her eyes tighter would allow her to go back to sleep.

They both groaned as Jamie ripped the covers off the bed and scrambled for something warm; eventually they just clung to each other. "Come onnnnnn, it's Christmas! Christmas! Presents, stockings, let's go!"

"What time is it?" Haley asked grumpily.

"Ummm, 5 am?" Jamie said with a shrug.

"It's 5?! Jamie go back to bed, it's too early," Nathan said, pressing his face into Haley's hair. You knew he meant business when his deep "serious father" voice came out.

"Daddy I can't it's Christmas we have to get up!"

"No way," Nathan mumbled while Haley whispered, "Christmas?"

"Haley, don't. Don't give in, think about sleep: nice, warm, comfortable sleep," Nathan pleaded.

Jamie eyed his father, then softened his gaze to look at Haley. "Momma, it's Christmas. Your favorite thing ever! Christmasssss," he persuaded.

"Haley," Nathan warned as he felt her begin to move away from him.

"Christmas wins!" she quipped, hopping out of bed and catching Jamie, who leapt into her arms with a "yes!"

"Traitor!" Nathan groaned, trying to grab her legs to pull her back into bed.

"Give it up, Dad, wake up!"

"Yeah, Dad, wake up," Haley echoed. "Come on or we'll start without you!"

Haley wrapped a warm robe around her as Nathan slowly moved out of bed to put on a shirt and slippers. Jamie sped out of the room past them. "Jamie don't you dare go downstairs without us!" Haley called, and laughed when she heard an exasperated grunt.

"Ready?" Haley asked cheerfully as her husband wrapped his arms around her and bent down for a kiss. "Can you believe this our tenth Christmas together?"

"It's unbelievable. And you're not even sick of me yet," Nathan joked.

"We'll see about that one," Haley said with a wink and grabbed his hand, pulling him downstairs with their son.

"Whoaaaa," Jamie said in awe. "Look at all these presents!"

"Follow the tradition pal, stockings first!"

They walked over to the mantle and Jamie immediately turned his over and watched as all the candy and small toys fell to the floor. Nathan reached for his and heard Haley let out a soft gasp. "What is this?" she asked, turning towards Nathan with a tiny stocking that said _JJ_ on it.

He shrugged. "I thought it'd be nice to have him be a part of our Christmas. Open it."

She pulled out a small book. It was a scrapbook, each page filled with sonogram pictures, their name-picking process, pictures of Haley pregnant, some with Nathan or Jamie or both, pictures of Haley and Peyton decorating the nursery, and at the end were the words, "always remembered, forever loved."

She looked at him with tear-filled eyes, her hands nearly shaking as the held the book. "You did this?" He nodded, putting a hand on her back.

"Thank you," she whispered and throwing herself into his arms.

When they were done opening presents, they each sat in silence admiring them. Jamie was going crazy with all his new Wii games and other toys, and Nathan stared in awe at his favorite player's signed jersey. He smiled over at Haley, who looked so at peace while she strummed the antique acoustic guitar she'd had her eye on for months, and the beautiful sapphire ring he'd gotten her sparkled as she did so.

"Who wants breakfast?" he asked. "I'll cook."

Haley looked at him in surprise and Jamie yelled, "Chocolate chip pancakes!"

"Alright, so after breakfast we're going over to Luke and Peyton's for the present exchange Tree Hill holiday party thing and then we have to brave the James Christmas celebration," Haley announced.

"Yay! I miss everybody," Jamie said.

"It's at Aunt Quinn's house in New York this year, guess what that means, Jamie?"

"SNOW!" he yelled excitedly.

"That'll be fun," Nathan said as he walked into the kitchen with Haley. "I love holidays with the crazy James clan," he kissed her forehead, "Although I'm never too excited to see Taylor."

"At least she stopped trying to seduce you," Haley rolled her eyes. "I think she's actually bringing her boyfriend this year."

"Oh yeah? What's his name?"

"Chris." Nathan's eyes went wide. "You don't think..."

Haley's jaw dropped. "No...no it can't be. There are lots of people named Chris."

"Let's hope so."

She laughed as she got the chocolate chips from the fridge. "It's gonna be a great Christmas," she said happily. "Thank you so much for my guitar and this beautiful ring and especially the baby book, it meant so much," she sighed, leaning into his embrace.

"Thank you for my jersey and those tickets. Maybe we can get Jamie a sitter and go away for a weekend."

"Sounds perfect."

He swung her in his arms and kissed her as her arms locked around his neck. "Merry Christmas, baby."

**A/N: this is like My Way Home is Through You 2.0, i replaced the original with this updated version because **

**1. i had the chapter number as twenty (?! i don't even know.)**

** 2. there were lots and lots of stupid little typos and errors (let me know if i missed any!) that bugged me and i had to fix.**

**and 3. i tried to smooth over the rough parts because it was a little choppy. gross.**

** anyway thank you to everyone who subscribed/ favorited/ reviewed iloveyouveryveryverymuch, i live for them. i also apologize for the annoying inconsistency with updates, life is crazy. hopefully things will slow down so i can be more regular. next chapter should be up soon!**


	19. Red Morning Light

**A/N: I'm back with an update! This huge snowstorm has left me snowbound, a perfect opportunity to finally get some time to write! (Sorry it's been so long.) **

**If you've noticed (and I hope this doesn't confuse people or screw up subscriptions or something) I did something unprecedented and weird. I changed the title of this story because I don't think that Missing You has fit this story for a very long time. I used it when I was only planning on the first couple chapters, which were going to turn out quite differently, but I chose to continue and as it evolved into kindof a narration of Nathan and Haley's life and all the drama it includes, I desperately needed a new title. So when Amy Stroup's "Hold Onto Hope Love" was played at the end of 7.16 (crying followed, but that's beside the point;) it just sounded perfect, and describes perfectly everything that NH has gone through in this fic. not gonna get cheesy. so sorry if people hate that i did this, but i present to you the new but not really new Hold Onto Hope Love.**

**So this chapter is a James reunion, and it's only a little bit AU. I was completely inspired to write this chapter because of Monday's episode, so I took a little of Haley&Lydia's relationship (which I LOVE) from it. However, Lydia is not dying, Quinn (in her first appearance in this story) lives in New York and is still with David. And you'll find out about other James family members. Please review! It would mean the world. **

nineteen.

"Haley, it's not a big deal," Nathan said, following Haley into their room at Quinn's house.

"Yes it is. It is a big deal. It's a big deal because I never lose the annual James bowling game. Never."

Nathan laughed.

"Why are you laughing? It was your fault! I thought you were aiming for the gutters," she said playfully.

"Whatever, let's see you try to make one free shot."

She eyed her husband. "Shut up."

"And anyway, I'm getting better at bowling."

"Right, if by better you mean worse!"

"Being with your family turns you into a five-year-old," he smiled.

"You don't get to be amused by this!"

"Too late."

Haley opened her mouth to offer a snarky comment but stopped when she heard sniffling coming from the room next to theirs. "I thought everyone was out," she mouthed to Nathan, who shrugged.

Haley mentally ran through the list. Vivian, who also lived in New York, was at her house with all the kids, Quinn was somewhere with David, her brothers were all at the local bar, Taylor hadn't even shown up yet... When that left her with one very important person, she sped into the room where the crying was coming from.

* * *

"Mom?" Haley asked with worry, slowly opening the door to the other guest room in Quinn's house. Only Haley and her mother had been allowed to stay at Quinn's, the three of them had always been the closest.

Quickly swiping tears off her cheeks, her mother smiled up at her from the bed where she sat. "Hey baby."

"You okay?"

Lydia sighed. "As okay as one can be." She flashed the picture she was holding in her hand to Haley with a shrug. "These tears, they're stubborn." The moment Haley caught a glimpse of what it was, she swooped down next her mom, putting both arms around her, sighing a comforting 'Mo-om'.

"I feel like he's still here, like he never even left. I can still feel every contour of his hand in mine," Lydia whispered, holding her hand in front of her. "I miss him," she finished simply.

Haley felt tears spring to her eyes as she looked down at the picture of her mother and father, wrapped up in each other and smiling radiantly. It had been taken on the day that all the James kids had surprised them with a cruise for their anniversary.

"Me too, Mom. So much," she choked and Lydia tilted her head toward hers and brushed away the sole tear that rolled down her youngest daughter's face.

"Well," Lydia chuckled. "It's about time we did this."

"Did what?" Haley asked, her puffy red eyes quizzically staring into her mother's.

"Cry! It's always been you and me, Haley Bob. You and me having to be strong for everybody who can't be. And it was about time that we just be weak together and have a good cry."

Haley sniffled and nodded, "I guess so."

"Speaking of crying, how are you doing?" One look and Haley knew what she was talking about. And if anybody else had asked, she'd have changed the subject. But not with her mom. Haley was taken back to the phone call she'd made to Lydia right after she'd gotten out of the hospital, remembering crying hysterically and telling her mother the news that she'd lost the baby as her mom found all the right words to say to comfort her even though her heart was breaking, too.

Haley inhaled deeply and shrugged, her shoulders sagging back down as she exhaled. She paused. "As okay as one can be," she sighed, repeating her mother's words from earlier.

"Yeah," Lydia nodded, rubbing Haley's hand in hers. "You know I miscarried once."

Haley's eyes went wide. "Yep, and I've never told anybody, except for your dad of course. It hurt me so bad, and I am inexplicably sorry and sad that you had to go through something similar, something worse. But I have to say I'm almost glad that it happened to me."

Her eyebrows furrowing, Haley started in disbelief, "Mom—"

"Let me finish. It's a hell of a lot of pain, losing a child, and I didn't even get to know mine for long enough, like you knew and loved your JJ," they both smiled at her use of the name. "But it gave me you. Because of it, we tried again, and nine months later out popped you. How can I resent something that gave me my favorite?"

Haley laughed, "Mom, you can't say that!"

"Why not? It's true. Now I love all of my babies, every single one of them more than I can imagine but there was always something special about you."

Haley smiled and leaned into her mother. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Mom."

Lydia put an arm around Haley and clicked her tongue. "You'd be just fine, but you'll never have to find out."

"I love you so much."

"I love you too, Haley Bob."

They sat in silence with sad smiles. "I can't believe you lost that game," Lydia said randomly, laughing when Haley gave her a light shove.

*****

"Everything okay?" Nathan asked as Haley entered their room. "You don't seem pissed about losing the bowling game so much," he joked.

"It didn't seem so important anymore, on the scale of things," she said quietly. He immediately sobered and got up to face her.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

Haley leaned into him, her face burrowing in his chest. "Nothing. I have the best mom."

"I know you do," he said, rubbing her back and wondering what was going on. "Why was she upset, is she alright?"

"Yeah she's fine, we were just talking about Dad," she said heavily. "It's hard for her without him."

Nathan closed his eyes and hugged her tighter. "She's lucky to have you."

"No," Haley shook her head. "no, it's the other way around."

"Well you're lucky to have each other then," he smiled. He'd grown very close to both of Haley's parents, and he knew how hard it was for Haley to lose her father. "I know you miss him."

_Haley sat with Lucas in the small house they rented off campus, bouncing a baby Jamie on her knee. Nathan was at practice and it was one of the few times when Lucas and Haley could spend some time together as Lucas didn't have classes that day and Haley's had been cancelled. Haley was trying to get Jamie to say 'ball' again when the phone rang. Haley leaned over to get it. "Aw, it's my mom!" she said, smiling down at the caller ID._

"_See you in a few hours," Lucas said, and Haley stuck her tongue out at him. Haley and her mom were always really close, but even more now that she was in college and had Jamie. "Hello?" she answered happily just as Jamie cooed. "Hey mom... yeah that was Jamie, I think he can sense when you call now."_

_As Lydia made some response Lucas couldn't hear, Haley made a face. When he gave her a look asking 'what?' Haley mouthed "she sounds weird."_

_She answered Lydia, "He is, yeah. He's even been talking a little lately—hey Mom, are you, uh, are you okay?"_

_

* * *

_

"_No, honey. It's your dad." Lucas saw Haley's face drop and she quickly held out Jamie for Lucas to take as she sped off into another room._

"_What's wrong? What happened?"_

_Lucas put Jamie in his playpen and waited for Haley to come out. Finally her bedroom door opened and Haley walked out, her face tear stained and wearing a shocked expression. She said nothing._

"_Hales?"_

_She walked toward him, her lip quivering. "My dad—my dad—"_

_He held his arms out and embraced his best friend, not wanting to push her. "He died," she finally said, releasing her sobs and he crushed her against him. His mouth dropped open and he suppressed a "what?!" Stunned, trying to think of what to say but all he could mutter was 'I'm sorry' a thousand times._

_When Haley stepped away from him, no longer crying but not bothering to wipe her tears away. She looked completely bewildered, and her words were choppy and inarticulate. "I just need to be alone right now. Maybe I'll call Viv or Quinn or something, I don't know. I'm sorry, I just—can you watch Jamie? I'm gonna—" she stumbled toward her room._

"_Hales, want me to call Nathan?" She didn't respond, just kept walking. He called anyway._

_

* * *

_

_The second Nathan got off the phone, he was running._

_

* * *

Nathan rushed into the house and found Lucas in the front room. "How is she?" Nathan asked immediately, his eyes searching for her._

"_Not so good."_

"_I can't believe this, do you know how?"_

"_No, I didn't wanna push her. I can't believe Jimmy's dead."_

"_Dammit," Nathan bit out, shaking his head, his heart breaking for his wife, and his own grief coming over him—Jimmy James had become like a father to him._

"_I know. I'm gonna take Jamie out so you guys can have a minute," Lucas said, picking up the baby._

"_Thanks man."_

_

* * *

Nathan opened the door to their room and saw Haley sitting on their small couch, her vacant eyes staring at the wall. He sat down next to her and stroked her hair._

"_My dad had a heart attack," she said, without emotion, without looking at him. "He's dead. He died today, and I wasn't there."_

_Nathan grabbed her, breaking her out of her trance and enclosed his arms tightly around her as she started to cry. "It's not fair," she choked, her voice thick with tears, "He wasn't even old, he wasn't sick. I don't understand it, I need him. He's my dad, I need him to be here."_

"_I know," he whispered, rubbing her shoulders. _

"_Jamie will never know him," she realized out loud, and fresh tears rolled down her face. Sitting up, she took a deep breath. "I have to go. I have to go be with my mom."_

"_I'll book the tickets."_

"_No, you have games this weekend. I have to go, I have to help my mom plan everything, I have to go take care of my sisters, I have to go to—to say goodbye—"_

"_Haley, will you stop? If you're gonna take care of them, by yourself, who's going to take care of __**you**__?"_

_She shrugged and her tear-filled eyes pored into his. "It doesn't matter. My mom's that person, but she needs me more than I need her, so it doesn't matter."_

"_It does matter. Screw basketball, screw tournaments, screw trophies, Haley, I'm coming with you. I would never, I will never, let you go through this alone for a second. So while you're holding everyone else together, I'll be holding you together."_

_She closed her eyes, a few tears escaping from beneath her lashes, and leaned against his chest. "Thank you. Because I don't know if I can be strong for this."_

"_You don't have to be."_

"I do. I do miss him, every day," she said, contracting into his embrace. "But I don't want to cry anymore, I don't want to be sad."

He kissed the top of her head. "Okay. I have an idea. Put on your coat."

Haley pulled away slightly, still in his arms, and scrutinized his deviously smiling face. "Why, what are you plotting?"

"Plotting? Don't make it sound so sinister. Get your coat on and let's go," he said, lightly hitting her butt and walking out of the room. "My mother is on the other side of these walls you know!" she jokingly scolded him.

"It's like high school all over again," he laughed. "Move it!"

When they met in the hallway, each in their winter gear, Haley walked over to him muttering "c'mere" and zipped up his coat, fluffing his hood closer to his ears.

"What?" she asked, meeting his bemused look.

"You're such a mom," he said, reaching to touch her chin when she scrunched her nose at him.

"Well she learned from the best," Lydia announced, walking into the hallway.

"That she did. Hey mom, how're you doing?" Nathan greeted her.

"I am fine, thank you Nathan," Lydia answered with a smile. Haley eyed her suspiciously and grabbed both of her hands.

"You okay, Mom?" Haley asked seriously.

"I'm okay, Haley, I promise. In fact I think I'm going to head over to Viv's for a while to visit with all my beautiful grandchildren."

"Let me give you a ride," Nathan offered.

"You two and your worrying! I love you for it, but I think I'm going to drive alone, it helps clear my head."

"But the roads might be bad!" Lydia gave Haley a look, and she surrendered. "It's just it's icy and snowy so please be careful," Haley pleaded.

"I will. Nate, I heard you saying something about high school all over again? Sorry bud, but you will always be the boy climbing through my daughter's window so I just have to ask you two to hold off on going at it while you're here, cause I just don't want to hear it."

Haley turned a deep shade of red as Nathan burst out laughing. "Mom!" Haley exclaimed. "I'll do my best, Mrs. James," he promised.

"Mmhm," she laughed. "Now I'm Mrs. James, so formal, what happened to Mom?"

Nathan laughed. "You're still Mom, but I felt sixteen just then for some reason," he joked as Lydia lightly hit his shoulder.

"Where are you two off to?" she asked, noting their apparel.

"It's a surprise."

"This one hates surprises, you know," Lydia warned.

"Not this one she won't," he smiled.

"All right, if you say so. You got lucky, Haley Bob, such a romantic," Lydia said to Haley, hugging her goodbye.

Before Nathan could come up with a cocky response, Lydia pulled him into a hug and whispered, "You got quite lucky too, and if you ever forget it I'll remind you."

"You don't ever have to worry about that."

"Now that's what I like to hear. Alright, I'm sick of you two, I'm gonna go see your adorable son so go have fun!"

When the door shut and Lydia's car pulled away, Haley watching with worry, they walked outside. "I have the best mother in law," Nathan stated.

"Hey, watch it, she's mine! She said I'm her favorite, you know."

"Maybe before you married me, but you're a close second now."

"Ha-ha," Haley mock-laughed walking to their car. "Where are you going?" Nathan asked. "We're walking."

"Nathan it's freezing out here!"

"Come on you wimp," he teased. He went to grab her hand, but it was difficult to interlace their fingers when both had heavy gloves on, so he pulled her arm up to loop it through his, gently pulling her along.

*****

"This is beautiful," Haley sighed, walking up to the snow covered hillside, almost a fairytale white mountainous terrain. As she stood peacefully taking everything in, she felt something cold and wet thud into her back. She spun on her heels to face Nathan, who was snickering.

"You did not just throw a snowball at me," she said, slowly and laced with danger.

"Oops?"

"Yeah, oops, you're gonna pay for that!" she yelled, reaching down to pack a snowball in her hands, but when she threw it at him, she missed. In that instant, Nathan threw one towards her that hit her right in the face.

His hand flew to his mouth. "Oh my god, I did not mean to do that, are you okay?"

She wiped the now off her face and faked a pout, not moving. He inched towards her. "Haley really I'm so, so sorry."

"Got you!" she yelled, at ran at him, tackling him and they both fell with a thud into the snow.

"That wasn't fair," he complained, securing his arms around her body which was currently on top of his; she laughed a half-hearted "sorry."

"I thought you were really hurt!"

"And if I had been?"

"I would've been in _trouble_."

"Damn right," she laughed. "This is fun," she grinned, looking at him lovingly. He smiled and they stared at each other in silence.

He kissed her quickly on the lips. "Come on, there's more."

"A snowball fight isn't the surprise?" Haley asked.

"Nope, just a perk. And even it was, we'd have to get up anyway because the snow is seeping into my clothes and I'm freezing."

"Oh! Sorry!" She quickly jumped up and held her hand out for him to get up.

"So what's the real surprise?" she asked curiously.

"Well, I was thinking how you said we're still young, and we hardly ever get into enjoy a white winter, so I figured we could do both at the same time." He led her across the field and approached a lit up ice-skating rink—empty—a hot chocolate stand, and a single hill with a few old fashioned wooden sleds atop it. When she walked closer to the hill, she saw that lights were buried in the snow, illuminating it, and written in the snow were the words _I love you._

She looked at him in awe, her jaw dropped. "You did this?"

He shrugged. "We needed a night to get away from it all."

"Why is no one else here?"

"I rented the place for a night. I know you don't like excessive spending, but I was thinking we could make an exception for tonight."

"Thank you. I really am lucky to have you," she said and kissed him.

When they pulled apart, he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and smiled at her. "No, babe, it's the other way around," he assured her, using the words she'd spoken earlier about Lydia. The way Haley depended on her mom, he depended on her.  
"So what first?" he asked. "Ice-skating or sledding?"

"Hmm. Maybe sledding last, we could have some fun lying around in the snow," she hinted, bumping her shoulder against him and he beamed at her, kinking his eyebrow. "And we should just get ice-skating over with first. I can't ice skate for my life you know," she laughed.

"Well I'm pretty good at it," he boasted playfully. "And I'll hold onto you the whole time."

"Promise? You can't let me fall."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"This coming from the guy who threw a snowball in my face!"

"I didn't mean to!"

"Yeah, yeah, if that's your story."

"Haley, I really didn't—"

She laughed and kissed his cheek, grabbing his hand. "Calm down, I'm joking. Let's go!" She slid onto the ice skating rink, ignoring the ice skates that hung on the fence, and crashed into the wall on the other side. Before he could even be worried, he heard her laugh and shout, "That was fun!"

He shook his head in laughter and skated over to her, handing her the ice skates. "You might wanna put these on first."

"Oh," she laughed, sitting on the ice to lace them up. He held out his arm, which she gladly accepted. He grabbed her other hand and quickly spun her around on the ice, and she squealed in fright, sure she'd land face down on the cold, hard ice. But when she opened her eyes, she was standing still against Nathan.

"That was risky," she scolded, pointing a finger at him, "but fun," she smiled.

"I told you I wouldn't let you fall."


	20. Leave the Car Running

**guys! back with an update, woo! Sorry it took so long, it took me foreverandeverandever to string together. i have to tell you though, i feel so neglected. which i guess is only fair since i've been neglecting this story, and by association, all of you. but i hope i haven't lost anyone, and my robot skeleton army followers (anyone watch craig ferguson?) are just reading silently. if you are, please leave me a review, say hi, even if only to say what you've done with this story is rubbish and i refuse to indulge you with reviews. that's okay too. in any case, hope you guys enjoy!**

**i haven't been doing disclaimers, and i probably should. i own nothing, nada. it's sad.**

twenty.

"There you are!" Lydia sighed as Nathan and Haley walked into Quinn and David's house. Lydia stood in the middle of the room with her arms crossed, surrounded by a crowd of James family members.

"Um, sorry, we lost track of time," Nathan started, and Haley asked, "Have all of you seriously been in here waiting for us?"

"It's past midnight, Haley!" Lydia answered.

"Mom, come on guys, we can take care of ourselves. We're adults here," Haley laughed, shaking her head at her overprotective family.

"Well, Haley, what were we supposed to think? You could've both been lying in a ditch somewhere, kidnapped, murdered..."

Haley interrupted her mother's ramble, which she was sure could go on forever. "Right, Mom, thank you for worrying, but here we are, in one piece." She paused, "well, two pieces. Not the point. We're not kids Mom! I mean for godsakes we're parents."

Lydia laughed, "You do know that doesn't erase your capabilities of being irresponsible, right?" Haley answered with a sneer.

"Speaking of being parents, where's Jamie?" Nathan asked, deciding to brave speaking for the first time.

"Wouldn't you like to know! But no, you're just off somewhere, doing god knows what, without a care in the world," Lydia mused.

"Mom, enough with the dramatics," Haley said, glancing at Nathan and rolling her eyes. "We went out for once! I knew where Jamie was the entire time and I even called Viv a few times but she didn't pick up," Haley stated defensively as Lydia turned on her heels to face the only blonde left in the family. "Vivian! Why didn't you answer the phone?! When you are watching someone's child, you always answer the phone. Can you imagine Nathan and Haley's worry when they couldn't get in touch with you? Now there are responsible parents, Viv!"

"Now we're responsible," Haley murmured to Nathan, who held back a chuckle to save his life.

"Don't turn this on me!" Vivian protested. "They're the ones who carelessly left their kid with a sitter and were out all night!"

Haley gasped, sending a glare to her oldest sister. "You're still not off the hook for that," Lydia said out of the corner of her mouth.

"Yeah, well, Brad was drunk last night!" Haley blurted out.

Everyone's mouth dropped in an oh-no-she-didn't kind of way. "Bradley James!" Lydia scolded. "Hey, Taylor's not even here yet!" he yelled. Since Taylor wasn't there to divert the blame to another sibling, there was silence. Quinn and Matt high-fived behind their backs; they were the only two who had been left out.

Lydia smiled. "I missed this," she sighed, meeting the rolled eyes and laughs of her children, and told everyone to get to bed. "Tomorrow we are going to have a nice, family dinner on the last day of our little gathering here and let's all try to be nice to each other, huh? I know it's a new concept, but we can try it. Dinner will be here. It will be at six o clock. It will be functional. Am I clear?"

Everyone murmured some form of "yes."

Lydia kissed everyone and headed to her bedroom as everyone started for the door. "Wait, Viv, you still haven't told us where Jamie is!" Nathan called.

Just then, the front door flung open and there Taylor stood, in all her egotistic glory. "I'm here! Everyone can stop worrying now."

"More like start," Quinn murmured to Haley, who laughed and bumped her elbow into her.

"Tay, it's nearly 1 AM, what are you doing here so late?" Vivian demanded, always the mother hen.

"At least I'm here! Where's Mom?"

"In bed," Haley cut in, "Don't wake her. We'll just say you got in first thing in the morning tomorrow. We're all going to bed."

"Geez, the baby of the family hits twenty-five and suddenly we're all old folks," Taylor frowned.

"Come on, Tay, we're all tired. You can go check into the hotel with the boys and we'll see you tomorrow."

"Fine, fine," Taylor sighed. "I'll just go like I never got here and we'll all pretend like it's the first time you've seen me tomorrow morning when Mom's around. Which makes no sense whatsoever, but welcome to this family," she said walking out the door and flashing an I-don't-approve-of-this smile on her way out.

When the house had cleared out, David and Quinn walked upstairs as Nathan and Haley headed towards their room. Both froze as Nathan stepped on one of the wooden panels, which he found out was marked with an X when he looked down, and a creak sliced through the silence of the house. "This house is so old," Nathan laughed once they were sure no one had woken up and had entered their room.

"I like it, it's so cozy," Haley said, not thinking much of it.

Nathan stopped to look at her. "You don't think our house is?" he asked.

"No, I love our house! It's just—it's so big, and it's just the three of us," she shrugged.

Nathan was about to reply when his cell phone rang. Nathan clicked ignore to stop the sound and put it on the table.

"You're not gonna answer it?!" Haley demanded. He shrugged a no. "You have to answer it, people only call in the middle of the night when something horrible happened!"

"That's not usually the case when you call me in the middle of the night when I'm on the road," he smiled.

Haley blushed. "So not the point! Pick it up, I'm getting changed." As she walked into the bathroom, she added, "And you can't make fun of me for that, I've received a few late-night phone calls myself! Goes both ways mister." She heard him laugh before he picked up the phone. She scurried out of the room, not wanting to hear the conversation in which her husband would be told that all of her friends had been eaten by something or killed by clowns. She had money on clowns.

"So who died?" Haley asked jokingly as she emerged from the bathroom in her pajamas. She looked at him. Nathan had the phone in his hand and wore a shocked expression. "Holy shit Nathan who died?"

He quickly smiled and shook his head. "No one. It's Peyton, you're going to want to take this."

Confused, she took the phone from his hand. "Peyton? What are you doing calling so late?"

Nathan heard Peyton make some excuse, but he knew Peyton had really called because she couldn't wait until morning. "We're in the same time zone, you dweeb," Haley laughed, "tell me really."

When she hung up the phone, she took a deep breath and looked at Nathan. "She wants me on tour. This summer. The record label wants me on tour."

He nodded, smiling. He already knew.

"Why are you happy? And so calm?" Haley asked, frazzled. She took a step back and her legs collapsed against the edge of their bed as she sat down. He followed her lead and put his arm around her.

"Because, Haley, this is great!" His excitement was so genuine it threw her off guard. She'd pictured this moment a thousand times and he never reacted so...wonderfully.

"Nathan, I can't go on tour," she said quietly.

"Why not?"

"Because! I have work, and Jamie, and...you."

"So?"

"I can't."

"Still not giving me any type of actual reasoning why you shouldn't go."

She sighed. "It just...this complicates things."

He tried to read her face but she looked at the ground and continued, "Okay, work I can get out of, since it's at said record label, you've got me there. But I can't leave Jamie, I won't."

"Hales, he'd come with you." He said this as if trying to suppress a _duh._

"I can't do that to him, what kind of a life is that for a seven year old?"

"Um, an awesome one."

She paused, closing her eyes briefly, and let out a sigh. "Okay. I know what you're going to say, that we're a family and stronger and better, but Nathan I just can't help thinking...look what it did to us last time."

He looked at her then, they way he did made her wonder if maybe she'd grown two extra heads just now. He took her hand, saying, "That's not going to happen again, Haley, and I know you know that."

"I do, but—" she exhaled, leaning her elbows on her knees and looking at the floor. "I don't want to put a tour between us, again, even though it might not—" Nathan interrupted, correcting her with _will not_—"break us up, we can't be apart for that long. Not after we're just gaining solid ground with this whole functional, together, family thing with Jamie. It's too much."

He thought for a moment. "Then I'm coming with you."

He saw her face light up for a second, but then she pursed her lips. "That would be so amazing, Nathan. But you're not even really fully back on the Bobcats yet, your basketball career has been totally in limbo after the crash, and you're going to need summer practice to catch up."

"You're right. But we can deal with all that later, the summer is pretty far away. Hales, come on, this is such an amazing opportunity for you! It's not going to be like last time. We'll figure out the details later," he smiled.

She inhaled, lightly shrugging her shoulders. She looked up to meet his eyes, something hidden behind her own she couldn't voice for some reason.

Of course, he knew immediately there was something she wasn't telling him but he was coming up blank on the specifics. He gently nudged her. "Hales, is there something else?" He knew the answer.

"No," she lied through her teeth. "I'm a little scared, I guess." That was the truth, just not the one he was looking for.

"Hales, you are a wonderful musician. Touring will be amazing for you, and I promise you that it won't jeopardize our life at all. I'm going to love you for a very long time, Haley James Scott, and there's not much you can do about it." She smiled, nodding, and leaned in to press her forehead against his. "Can we please just focus on how awesome this is?" he asked against her lips.

Her face broke into a smile, and she pulled away, lying back on their bed. "It is pretty awesome."

Nathan climbed on top of her and kissed her fiercely. "I am so proud of you," he said seriously, staring straight through her.

"Thank you," she whispered as he fell over to her side and molded to her.

"But if Chris Keller is your opening act, you're not going."

She laughed into his chest, snuggling her face into his neck and closed her eyes.

"Hey Hales?"

"Hmmm?" she mumbled, sleep starting to win her over.

"Could you please tell me where our son is?"

Haley burst into laughter and looked up at him. "I'm sorry! He's still at Viv and Jeff's. Jeff was with the kids while Vivian was here and he said Jamie wanted to have a sleep over with his cousins."

He smiled. "Thank you. I've been trying to figure out all night, but your family was too busy playing blame-thrower."

"Very clever," she laughed. "We do that a lot, Lydia's wrath is a scary one. But you know, you can't even laugh because you know that you and Jamie do that when someone leaves the toilet seat up."

"I have no idea what you mean," he shrugged.

"Or when someone finishes the milk and leaves the empty carton in the fridge, or when someone eats the leftovers I was specifically saving for myself..."

"So tired," Nathan sighed, cutting her off. "Let's sleep."

She hoisted herself up so they were face to face. "OR when someone _accidentally _tapes over The Notebook with Superbowl whatever, or when—" She was interrupted by an exaggeration of a noise she'd gotten used to sleeping with.

"I can't believe you just fake-snored me."

"I can't believe you're still talking," he smiled, eyes still closed.

She scoffed. Two could play at that game. "I can't believe you're not getting any when we get home."

His eyes flew open and he gave her a warm smile. "Did you know that me and Jamie also play blame-thrower for who loves you more?"

She couldn't help but laugh. "Oh you're good."

*****

Nathan walked into the kitchen the next morning, finding his wife making eggs and dancing to _Your Body is a Wonderland_ blasting through the speakers.

"You know I memorized the lyrics to this song when we were dating to try to seduce you," he greeted.

She spun around and let out a laugh. "Yeah I remember, I think it will be burned into my mind forever."

"It wasn't that bad! Sorry I can't live up to your singing standards, Whitney Houston, it's just not fair."

"Oh but that's not it," she smiled. "You just didn't so much sing as talk with a bit of rhythm."

"Whatever, I thought John Mayer was my in. But you just needed the ring, didn't you?" he sighed.

"What can I say, I wanted to be a Scott," she shrugged, reaching up to kiss him, laughing in surprise when he spun her around and they started swaying to the music.

"You guys are so cute it's nauseating," They turned to see Quinn entering the kitchen, snickering. "Why are you two up so early anyway?" she asked, yawning.

Haley opened her mouth to answer when Nathan smirked, saying, "We had a bit of a morning pick-me up." Haley glared at him as Quinn gasped.

"Hales! It is against the rules to do it at a family reunion thingy!" Quinn scolded, and then added, "I really never took you as a morning person."

"Oh, God, Quinn shut up!" Haley protested, covering her face. "We did _not _'do it'."

"Yeah, we only made out," Nathan shrugged as Haley swatted his arm.

"Ew, so early in the morning?" Quinn asked, grossed out—this was her baby sister they were talking about.

"You'll see, when you have kids any opportunity you have is one you take," Haley laughed.

Quinn hid a smile. "Whatever. I'm going to go mentally prepare myself for the family dinner, which is now a brunch by the way. See you guys at eleven!"

Haley nodded 'bye' to Quinn and turned to Nathan. "Great, it's brunch now."

"Well, we were planning on leaving after dinner anyway, so we can get home sooner," Nathan stated.

"That's true." Her mouth twisted into a pout. "I'm going to miss everyone!"

Nathan looked at her quizzically. "What? It's a love-hate relationship."

"Right," Nathan laughed. "So brunch is a good thing...?"

"Oh, no. Not at all."

"Because you don't want to leave so soon?"

"No, because people are generally more crabby in the morning," she explained. "And that's just not good for anyone." She paused, looking around. "I need coffee."

*****

Hours later, after the quirky family's big brunch—which had gone surprisingly well—Nathan and Haley were back at Quinn's getting ready to leave. Haley was alone in the kitchen, putting bags by the door when Taylor shyly walked up to her.

"Haley, I—"

"Yeah?" Haley asked, looking up, surprised the unusual look of seriousness on her sister's face.

"Mom told me about the baby, and I'm–I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I'm sorry."

Haley sucked in a breath. "Thanks, Tay."

"Why didn't you call me?" And the harsh Taylor-tone was back, replacing the nice stranger who had just shown compassion.

"Um, it wasn't something I was really ready to announce. I just didn't want to tell anyone," she said apologetically.

"You called Mom."

Haley gave her a look. "It's Mom, of course I called her. That's different."

"You called Viv!"

"Well, yeah because she has kids and she'd understand."

"You called Quinn!"

"She called me, actually, and I had to tell her cause she knew something was wrong."

"Haley, you called Matt. Matt! You felt the need to call our big stupid _brother _before me!"

"I needed support and Matt's always been there for me. Why am I even explaining this to you?!"

"Because you called everyone on the planet before me! I had to find out through someone else!"

"Well, I'm sorry, can you blame me?"

"What is that supposed to mean Haley?!"

"Taylor, you probably would've said something like _Gee, Hay, that sucks. You must've been a real bitch to get that kind of karma_."

"Well maybe but only at first then I'd be serious and totally there for you."

Haley scoffed, "Right. If you were so worried **you** could've called me or emailed or something."

"Well I was mad."

"You were mad? I knew it, I knew this would be about you!"

"Yes it's about me! My sister loses her baby and I don't even know about it? Come on!"

Haley rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Taylor, you are truly the victim in this." She could've punched her when Taylor took her seriously.

"Whatever Haley, you're the one who turned me trying to be there for you into an argument. I was just trying to be nice."

"Yeah, thanks for that," Haley bit out, sarcasm in full force.

Taylor sighed. "You should've called," she said, walking out.

"You should've been adopted!" Haley shouted.

*****

Nathan and Jamie walked in, having only heard the tail end of the conversation.

"You and Aunt Taylor are funny," Jamie chuckled with childish amusement.

Haley eyebrows lifted and she shrugged a smile at him. "You sure you want to leave like that?" Nathan asked, knowing Haley would probably regret leaving on bad terms with her sister.

"Eh, she'll call later and it'll be fine."

"Alright. Come on Jame, help me put these bags in the car for your mom." Haley's hand brushed Nathan's in thanks. She snuck off into her mom's room.

"Hey, Mom," she smiled.

"You're leaving me," Lydia accused.

"So is everyone else! We're just the only punctual bunch in the family." They both smiled. "You know I don't want to, Mom, but we have to get back to our life."

"I know. I'm going to miss you, Haley Bob."

"Me too," Haley pouted, pulling her mom into a hug. She hesitated, and decided that she didn't want to tell Lydia about the tour just yet. "Expect many heart-to-heart phone calls in the near future," she promised.

"Can't wait," Lydia answered. "And neither can my phone company."

Haley laughed. "We probably pay for their employees' mortgages."

She nodded, and her face fell a little with a glance toward the kitchen. "I think your boys are waiting for you," Lydia sighed reluctantly.

"I'm going, I'm going." They both walked hand in hand into the kitchen where Nathan and Jamie were standing.

"Guys!" Haley bellowed into the house. "We're leaving!" A heard of people materialized in the hallway.

Quinn managed to get to her first, and jumped into Haley's arms. "I'll miss you."

"You too, Quinny, come visit!" Quinn smiled. "Promise." She brought Haley in close. "Don't leave, you're the only sane one!" Haley laughed. Quinn moved on to Nathan and Jamie, who she said the same thing to, only "she meant it this time".

"Hey, I resent that!" Vivian protested, and pulled Haley into a hug. "Take care of yourself." Haley nodded and watched Vivian lift Jamie into her arms and hug him tight, just as she was slammed into by her huge brother. "Bye, Hales," Matt said, faking sobs and crushing her into a bear hug. Everyone laughed as Brad hugged her from behind, crying, "Don't leave, baby sis!"

"Guys—can't—breathe," Haley choked, her tiny figure smushed between them. They both let go. "I missed those Haley sandwiches," Brad said.

"I didn't!" Haley laughed, "but I love you guys anyway."

Matt grabbed her hand, and whispered "Call me if you need _anything._"

"I will."

Once everyone had made their second and third and fourth goodbyes and the three Scotts finally managed to escape, they pulled away from Quinn's house with everyone waving from the porch. Jamie sat in the back of the car, already happily entranced by SpongeBob Squarepants, Haley's _least_ favorite show, playing on his portable DVD player. Haley sighed. "We survived!"

Nathan chuckled and put his hand on top of hers. "Yes we did. Let's go home."

"Mmm, sounds great."

A/N: couldn't resist. such a nice, cheesy, schwan-ish ending =) please please please review! i'll love you forever.


	21. More Than It Hurts You

**A/N: ** Woah! An update in only a week! It's because I cheated, I had most of this chapter written a long time ago. It's a little bit of a throwbacks chapter, but not like happy tattoo-highschool-alwaysandforever throwbacks (actually there's one of those at the end) but it has more to do with past events in this story that Nathan and Haley just kind of dealt with and ignored without getting any kind of real closure, which they realize they need when they home after being away.

I want to thank everyone who reviewed, favorited, subscribed--thank you so much! you keep me writing and it really means so much. I especially want to thank **Oreo-PeanutButter-Macaroni **for going through and reading and leaving a review for every single chapter. you are AWESOME. i loved hearing your thoughts on each update and I'm so glad you're liking the story, please keep reading!

Also, I've been thinking about giving out sneak peeks, like a little scene from the next chapter (in true OTH style haha) so if you want one just let me know in a review or something and i'll be sure to PM it to you when it's written. so we'll try that out. Anyway, enjoy & let me know what you think!

twenty one.

"Home!" Jamie yelled, speeding into the house, and greeting all of his toys as if they'd been through a painful separation. He finally landed on the couch with a sigh. "I missed this couch," he said, stretching out, his bliss interrupted when Haley yelled, "Shoes off the furniture mister!" He kicked them off, not caring where they landed and Haley rolled her eyes with a laugh.

"I missed this couch too," Nathan agreed, and pulling Haley on top of him plopped onto the large couch.

"It is nice to be home. Let's just stay here like this and never leave?"

"Fine with me," Nathan smiled, squeezing his arms around her as she laid her head against his chest.

"You guys are gonna get gross now, aren't you?" Jamie asked hesitantly.

"Yup," Nathan answered and they both laughed as Jamie sped off with a "see ya!"

"So you want to get gross with me now, huh?" Haley asked playfully.

"Well that came from an innocent mouth, so the extent of gross is up to you."

She pretended to consider. "Let's go outside."

He turned to look at her. "Uh, Hales, to do what?"

"Oh, stop it, not that. It's daylight. I want to enjoy the warmth that I've been without for a whole week, let's go," she said, getting up and pulling his hand.

When they had reached the patio, she raised her arms and took a deep breath. "Sun," she sighed contentedly, and turned back at the sound Nathan's chuckle. "Isn't this nice?" she asked.

"I think it's _too _hot," he replied. "Although there is something that will solve that."

Before she could ask him what, he swooped her up into his arms as she squealed "Nathan!" and jumped into the pool with her.

"God, Haley, that was one high-pitched scream," Nathan complained when they came up, holding his ear.

"I can't believe you just did that!" She laughed, splashing him. He smirked at her. She shook her head, and looked down at her soaked clothes. "I really liked these jeans."

"I'll buy you a new pair," he promised, moving towards her. She moved back as he did so until she was backed against the wall. "Deal."

"Great," he said, mere centimeters from her face. "Now come here." His arms were around her then, and his mouth on hers. Their lips moved in perfect synchronization and his hands roamed all over her while hers ran up and down his back. He ran his tongue along her lips, Haley instantly opening her mouth to him. "This would be a lot sexier if we had bathing suits on," she whispered against his lips, and his head fell back in a laugh as he moved his mouth to her neck. "I did just buy a new bikini," she pressed.

That caught his interest. "What color?" he murmured, still kissing her neck.

"Red. _Very _skimpy, too." He groaned against her skin, and the vibration it caused sent a shiver down her spine. "I'd never wear it in front of Jamie," she continued. "Or anyone other than you, for that matter. Of course I got a mom bathing suit too." His head fell on her shoulder in frustration and he left a brief kiss there. "Haley," he sighed, and she smiled sheepishly in response. "Shut up." So she did.

Hours later, Nathan and Haley were lying with each other on a lawn chair watching Jamie shoot hoops on their small court. Haley cheered every time Jamie made a basketball and laughed when Nathan joked around with him until Jamie finally persuaded him to get up and play one-on-one, but her heart was hurting in a way she hadn't felt, or let herself feel, in a long time. The week with her family had been wonderful, and a great distraction from everything she needed to get away from. But back at home, watching Nathan with their son, she was right back at square one. And as much as she tried to push it away and focus on her current life, the joy Nathan and Jamie brought to her, she couldn't. All she could think was that there should be three blue-eyed boys playing basketball, not just two. There should be an even smaller version of Nathan trying to block his big brother's shot. There should be a little boy running up to her and blaming Jamie for not playing fair. She forced herself out of her daydream and looked away to stop the tears welling in her eyes from falling.

"Ha!" Jamie yelled in excitement, "Beat you again, Dad!" Nathan smiled and high-fived him, but noticed that several baskets had been made and Haley had not once pretended to know what was going on. Jamie, who, let's face it, was the favorite, had won the game and Haley hadn't jumped from her seat and lifted him into her arms. "Give me a sec to go check on your mom, okay Jame? Shoot around a little," Nathan said, never looking away from Haley's silhouette in the sunlight. When Jamie nodded and dribbled away from him, Nathan started towards Haley. "Hales?" he asked, brushing his hand through a strand of her hair. "Jamie won," he told her, his voice ringing with pretend jealousy. She lifted her head. "Oh, he did? I missed it..." she said faintly, and he knew her mind was somewhere else.

He sat down next to her and took her hand. "Haley, can you tell me what's been going on with you lately?" he asked softly.

She looked into his eyes. "Will you take me somewhere?"

Honestly, all he wanted to do was lock himself up with her until she told him what was happening with her, because he was worried out of his mind. Something was wrong, and it scared him that she couldn't tell him what it was. But in the meantime, whatever she needed, he would give her. So of course he would take her somewhere.

"I have a map," Haley said from the passenger seat of their car as they drove down a twisted road.

"Don't need it," Nathan shook his head, keeping his eyes on the road as the car crept along the pathway.

"You—you know where it is?"

Nathan turned to look at her, and glanced back at Jamie who was nearly asleep in the backseat. "Yeah, I, uh, used to come here with Jamie all the time, when you were—"

"Yeah," Haley cut him off. She didn't want to go back to that place inside of her that had consumed her during those first weeks after they'd lost JJ.

"Hales, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't want to make you feel left out or make you feel like you had to come, I just didn't want to force you to do something you weren't ready for."

"It's okay. I'm glad you did. I know I wasn't easy to talk to then, I'm sorry for that..."

"Don't be." He put his hand over hers and nodded his head toward her window. "We're here." Haley took a deep breath.

"Give me a head start?" she asked, her hand on the handle of the car door. He nodded.

She got out of the car slowly and walked forward, feeling like her skin was crawling as she moved through the grass. She hated this place, hated that it was so much smaller than all the other areas of the graveyard, hated that she had a place here, that it had a piece of her. And then she found it, and it was like someone had just poured ice all over her body. The sight hit her like a punch in the stomach, and suddenly it was hard to breathe. With slow and shaky movements, she sat down on the ground in front of JJ's grave. She put her hand over her mouth to stop the gasping sobs that she was sure would escape. Heart pounding, her hand reached out and she traced over the letters of her baby's name and the date that had taken so much from her. She felt like she wanted to say something, to say _I love you _and _I miss you _and _I'm sorry_, but the words caught in her throat. Her mind was screaming them so loud that her head could have exploded, but they just wouldn't come.

She tried to calm her breathing when she heard Jamie's steps behind her, and when he reached her she pulled him into her lap. As soon as she heard him say "Hey, little brother," it was all it took to unleash her tears, and before she knew it Nathan had sat down next to her on the ground, comforting her as she began to cry just by being there. It was as if her eyes were opened, and she could see through the film that had been screening her vision. Here she was, this was real. It was the culmination of everything that she knew would heal her, by breaking her. With Jamie and Nathan at her side, she was sobbing harder than she would have thought possible.

Jamie turned around in his mother's lap to hug her and Nathan's arms went around both of them as they rocked on the ground in front of JJ's grave and Haley's loud sobs echoed through the quiet night. Her tears soaked through Nathan's shirt but he only held her closer. "What do you need?" he asked her desperately, stroking her hair.

It took her a few minutes to stop her tears and compose herself, and when she looked up to meet his eyes his heart broke for her. Her eyes were swollen and bloodshot and he moved to dry her cheeks drenched in tears. "I want to go home," she cried. "I don't want to be here anymore."

He nodded and kissed her forehead fervently, cupping her chin. Jamie stood up and headed towards the car while Nathan helped Haley up. She leaned against him as they walked, her legs feeling like they would buckle if he let go, and he never did.

*****

Haley mostly slept and stayed in bed for the next couple days, and on the rare occasions when Nathan found her awake he would sit with her on their bed, sometimes saying nothing and just holding her in his arms. They didn't need words.

When Nathan entered the living room one morning, he was surprised to see Haley there. He paused to watch her fingers gracefully glide across the piano keys in a slow melody before walking over to her and sitting on the bench next to her as she continued to play. She instinctively slid closer to him, but other than that she hardly acknowledged his presence, and her head stayed down as she played. He looked over to her and his heart dropped when he saw tears silently sliding down her cheeks. His arm went around her immediately and he picked up the notebook lying atop the piano, correctly assuming that what was written there would be the lyrics to the song she'd just written and was now playing. At the top was the title My Baby Blue.

_Confess your gift still knocks me off my legs_

_The first time I saw you was like a punch right through my chest_

_And I will forever, 'cause you'll forever be,_

_My one true broken heart, pieces inside of me_

_and you're forever, my baby._

_You will rest your head, your strength once saving_

_And when you wake, you will fly away_

_Holding tight to the legs of all your angels_

_Goodbye my love into your blue, blue eyes_

_Your blue, blue world._

_You're my baby blue._

_Confess I'm not quite ready to be left_

_Still I know I gave my level best_

_You give, you give, to this I can attest_

_You made me, you made me_

_You and me forever, baby._

_You will rest your head, your strength once saving._

_And when you wake, you will fly away_

_Holding tight to the legs of all your angels_

_Goodbye, my love, into your blue, blue eyes_

_In your blue, blue world._

_You and me forever._

_Oh._

Ignoring the strangling weight of sadness settling in his chest, he looked at her, and he was struck by his wife's beauty, by her soul, by the immense power of her love, for him and for their children. These were more than lyrics; they were her heart and his heart put into words. They were everything she needed to say to their baby but would never have a chance to. He knew that laced into the basic words and notes and rhyming patterns was a piece of Haley that he understood like no one else ever would. He felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. And he would not be ashamed to admit that he had tears in his eyes when he turned to her and said, "Haley, this is beautiful."

She shrugged and whispered "thanks." She continued avoiding eye contact with him and playing the melody that he knew would haunt him. "You're wrong about one thing though," he added, holding back a smile.

She finally glanced at him, wordlessly asking what he was talking about. "That kid had brown eyes."

And there it was. A smile. She turned and full on looked at him this time, and he was thankful to see that her tears had stopped. "No," she insisted, her stubbornness ready to come out in full force. "JJ had blue eyes, like yours."

"Hence the title," he said cheekily; she nodded. He completely disagreed, JJ was 100% Haley, but he didn't press it, so shrugged. "Maybe he had one of each. I saw a dog with one blue eye and one brown eye once."

She let out a breath in a semi-laugh. "That would be cool." Her fingers slid off the keys into her lap in a nervous bundle, and she dropped her head onto his shoulder. He let a beat pass and kissed her hair. "This is harder than I thought it would be," she sighed.

His eyes closed in pain, physically hurting because Haley was. "I know, baby."

*****

"Hey," Haley said quietly, entering their bedroom later that night. Nathan sat on the chair and was texting on his phone. "Clay," he said, gesturing to tell Haley who he was talking to. She nodded and took a seat on the bed. "Any news with the Bobcats?" she asked.

He shrugged and moved to sit next to her. "Not really, they're just going to treat the situation like I'm an injured player sitting out for a season."

"Isn't that what you are?"

"Well, yeah, but it's not basketball related and I haven't been going to practices or games. I don't understand all the technical stuff, it's so frustrating," he sighed, and leaned back on the bed so that he was lying on his back.

"Maybe you should start going," Haley suggested. "I'm sure you miss it."

"I do, but I'd miss you more," he smiled. "Maybe. I don't want to talk about me."

"Well what do you want to talk about?" she asked.

"You."

"Pass."

"Hales."

"What?"

"How are you doing? I know it's been rough on you since we got home," he said gently, his hand comfortingly moving over her thigh.

She sighed. "It just kind of hit me all over again, you know? I mean being with the family was great, but I felt like I was ignoring everything. The pain, the baby, the guilt that comes with deciding whether or not to try for another child..."

"That option will always be open for us, Haley, we don't need to decide anything right now."

"I know. And then the tour came up, and it's just like my life is just moving on away from all of it—"

"Haley, that baby will always be apart of you and will always be with you. You have to let go of that fear that moving on means you're forgetting. And look at that song you just wrote. It's proof that he's a part of everything you do."

"You're right. It's just...it's hard not to think like that."

"Hales, can I ask you a question?" She nodded. "Music is kind of healing for you, right? Did you write any music after the plane crash, when—you know—you thought I was...dead?" That was weird to say. He wondered why they hardly ever brought it up or even acknowledged that that had happened, but he found the answer when he saw Haley's face twist in pain the second the words left his mouth.

"No, of course not," she answered immediately, and fell back so that she was lying down too, folding herself across Nathan's chest as if to stop the places where all of those memories had been locked away from bursting open. "Nathan, it took superhuman effort to just get out of bed in the mornings, let alone write music."

He couldn't even imagine. He didn't think he would even be able lift his head if the situation were reversed. "I'm so sorry," he told her, and he hoped she knew that it was for putting her through that, not for asking the question.

"Not your fault," she muttered, "Stupid plane."

He laughed, nodding. "We should sleep, you look exhausted."

She shot up. "I don't want to sleep. If we go to bed now I'm just going to lie there and think and think and think about everything and I don't want to do that. Let's go downstairs."

"And do what?"

"I don't know, something different and fun. Like...making pancakes!"

"Pancakes? Hales, it's like 11:30 at night."

"So?" she asked, daring him with her eyes to argue further.

"Fine. Let's go make pancakes."

"Okay...the packets of batter are in this drawer I think," Haley said, shuffling around in one of the many. Nathan took another one.

"Forget pancakes! Let's make chocolate cake!" Haley said excitedly, pulling out a packet of cake batter.

"Why? We have no reason for a whole cake, I mean—" he stopped and smiled at something in the drawer, reaching in to pull it out. Haley gasped when she saw it. "I was wondering where that was," she smiled, and held out her hand for Nathan to slip the plastic colored bracelet on her wrist.

_Haley sat at their table on the dock as Nathan approached her. "Breakfast of champions," he declared. "Want some?"_

"_You're late," she said impatiently, ignoring his question._

_He sighed and shrugged off his backpack, sitting down and opening a box of cracker jacks. "Please let this be a cheat sheet," he pleaded, but smiled when he pulled out a bracelet instead. He glanced at her. "It's for you."_

_She looked up at him skeptically and down at the bracelet. "Stop it." _

"_Come on," he said, putting it around her wrist. She exhaled in frustration._

_He looked at her seriously and then smiled. "Don't say I never gave you anything."_

"I could probably still recite your speech about how 'you're just math and you're not going to put up with all of my crap' word for word," he teased. "Didn't work out too well for you did it?"

"Not all. I'm stuck with putting up with your crap for the rest of my life," she said, playfully rolling her eyes.

"And I yours. Well, we have a reason to make a cake now."

"To celebrate you surviving these days with me being hysterical?"

"No, to celebrate you for having the strength to survive these past few days and all the ones before that, and coming out of it with our bracelet and a hit song."

She laughed, beginning to stir the batter. "Whatever."

He dipped his finger in it and placed a drop on her nose. It was clearly not a smart move, because then she put her whole hand in the bowl and smeared it all over his face, giggling as she did so.

"What is it with us and throwing things at each other?" he asked, drawing a line down Haley's face with chocolate batter. "Tomatoes, cookie dough on Christmas, snow in New York, and now this."

"Hm," Haley considered. "It does seem to be a pattern...Oh! It's so we can spend the night getting it off each other."

Nathan's eyebrows rose. "Yep, that's what it is."

**A/N: **Hope you guys liked it! Song is My Baby Blue by Dave Matthews Band. Review please :)


	22. Feather in the Wind

**A/N: **hey everyone! nine days til OTH is back, woo! if everyone has seen the promo, you'll know that haley was a major part of it. her scenes look crazy and awesome and heartbreaking. perfect for this story right?! :) and i wanted to try out a few scenes they showed and see how they'd work/ turn out in a different context (not the death of Lydia, but the baby.) so i took a crack at them, and my interpretation of a few scenes were put into this chapter. i thought it would be interesting to do, and i've taken a lot of liberties with the plotline so i'm trying to keep it as close to the show as i can. i didn't include the fire scene, because i don't know what that is about haha. couldn't even make it up. so, clearly, this a heavy chapter, and i know that everyone wants naley to be happy! but it's a process, and a very rocky one at that. this chapter starts a couple days after the last one and examines a bump in the road nathan and haley encounter. sooooo...

twenty two.

"Hey, Hales!" Brooke greeted as she opened her door, exclaiming "Jamie bug!" when the little boy ran from behind his mom and jumped into her arms.

"I missed you guys!" she said, ushering them into her house. "How was New York?"

Jamie responded, "It was awesome!"

Haley laughed. "It was great. Where's Julian?" Haley asked, sitting down Brooke's kitchen island; Brooke took the seat next to her as Jamie scurried around the living room.

"Oh you know, out kissing producers' butts to get them to greenlight some movie he's behind."

"Sounds like Julian."

Brooke smiled. "I just wish he was home more."

Haley nodded. "I get that, believe me."

"Yeah, but I mean you guys are married, you have that security...you know? You're locked in, and I know that every second Nathan's at an away game he's thinking of you and Jamie. But if Julian meets some hot actress away on a movie, that's it for me," she shrugged.

"Brooke! I do not believe that, even for a second." Brooke raised her eyebrows. "Do you want to marry Julian?"

"Eventually, yes. Maybe, I don't know!"

Haley laughed. "You sound like me circa junior year. Have you and Julian talked about marriage? Or kids for that matter?"

Brooke's face fell. "Marriage, not so much. The kids thing has gotten a little more attention."

"Because you thought you were pregnant a while back?"

"Yeah...that...."

Haley put her hand over Brooke's. "Brooke, come on, tell me what's going on."

"I told you that it was a false alarm and that I wasn't pregnant. I didn't tell you that...that I'm never going to be."  
"What are you talking about?"

Brooke looked at Haley almost with shame, and her eyes began to tear. "I can't have kids."

"No, Brooke..." Haley sighed heavily, pulling her friend into her arms.

"I feel so stupid talking to you about this, I mean who am I to complain when..."

"Hey. Listen. What happened to me doesn't lessen what you're going through at all, okay? Don't be afraid to talk to me about anything, I'm here for whatever you need."

"Thanks, Tutor girl," Brooke whispered, wiping her eyes. "Ugh. How are you doing? Any better?"

"Yeah I am. I think we're making headway. I woke up smiling today."

Brooke grinned. "That's great! How's Nathan?"

"He's been amazing...I mean, I can tell he's affected by it, but he's been so supportive. he's the best husband ever."

"Aw. You're so lucky to have that. The man adores you, Hales."

Haley laughed. "Yeah well, he's alright."

"I'm serious. When you were in the hospital, all of us were hurting, but Nathan... I have never seen anybody so devastated. And then when you went in to surgery and the surgeon asked him that question, I thought he was just going to collapse, that was the hardest and most painful decision of his life."

"Wait," Haley interrupted.

"I'm sorry, I'm so stupid rambling on like that, it must be hard to hear."

"No, it's not that. What did you say about the surgery and the question?"

Brooke's face froze. "Oh, they, um, well I don't really know the details, but they asked Nathan who to tend to if something were to go wrong. But nothing did!"

Haley stared at her in shock. "Who...who to tend to if something...something obviously went wrong, Brooke."

"Yes, but not..." Brooke sighed and put her hand on Haley's shoulder. "I think you need to talk to Nathan. I'll watch Jamie, he can stay the night if you want."

"Yeah...thanks Brooke. Thank you for being honest with me," Haley said distractedly, lost, as she kissed the top of Jamie's head as she walked through the house and at the door. Brooke put her hands on her head, worried she'd just ruined all the progress Haley had been making.

Haley entered the house, closing the door behind and letting out a long sigh. Her eyes were closed when she felt Nathan's arms fold around her chest, his forearms resting on her collarbone. "Missed you," he said, kissing the hair above her ear.

"What were you thinking?" she asked quietly.

"Just now, or....?" he asked confused, and even more so when he she turned around to face him and he saw the traumatized look on her face.

"How could you not tell me," she started, her voice low, "that they asked you who to save during the C-section?"

His face dropped, "How did you..."

"Brooke," she stated simply. She was pissed, he could tell, but her eyes told him that she was hurt above anything.

He nodded, and took a deep breath before saying calmly, "Haley, I need you to listen to me. I could've lost you."

"You're selfish."

His voice picked up in speed and volume. "Maybe I am, Haley, but I won't live without you so if I have to decide if I want them to _save your life_ I'm going to be selfish as hell."

She pursed her lips and nodded sarcastically. "Did you even think about what I may have wanted?"

"Yeah, I did. And that, more than likely, would have ended with you not on this planet, so I decided to throw that out the window."

She glared at him. "I don't want to talk to you right now," she said, beginning to walk away. "HALEY!" he called after her.

She spun on her heels to face him. "No, Nathan. Do you just not get it? How could you not tell me about this until now?"

"What good would it have done bringing it up?" he asked rhetorically. She answered.

"Oh, I don't know," she spat at him, "maybe the whole honesty thing. Unless I missed the memo and we're lying to each other now."

"Don't be like that Haley, I was trying to protect you."

She rolled her eyes. "Try again."

"You know what? I didn't think it mattered, honestly. They told me that it didn't make a difference."

She looked at him incredulously. "How could it not matter?" There was a brief silence. Then she felt moisture build up in her eyes and her voice shook. "JJ could be here right now."

"No, he couldn't, Haley," he said gently.

"How do you know?" she challenged.

"Because the doctor came out and told me. He said that the baby—that...that he had died before they even operated."

She recoiled away from him. "I can't hear this. I have to go."

He closed his eyes and let out a sigh of frustration when he heard her peel out of the driveway in the red sports car he'd gotten her for her last birthday. Maybe he should just let her go and cool off.

"No, you know what..." he murmured, shaking his head and running out of the house to chase her. He slammed the door of their black Range Rover shut and sped off after her.

After minutes of trailing her through main streets, he saw the tail end of her red car disappear onto a deserted road, now more like a dirt trail, which was mostly used as a quad course. He was shocked at how fast he had to go to follow her. What the hell was she doing? Haley was a good driver, but she was no racecar driver. He would bet that she'd never even driven past 80—he was clocking in at 140 just catching up to her. Horrible images flashed through his mind: a fiery crash, her car twisted around a tree...there were so many ways this could end. He started to panic. What the _hell _was she doing? Picking up his cell phone and pressing one, he furiously waited for it to ring. When she picked up, he was surprised; not only had he expected her not to, but there was a breathy quality to her voice—bubbling on a laugh. She was exhilarated. "Pull the car over now," he yelled into the phone. His eyes flashed wider when he heard her gasp and the red car swerved away from a fallen tree. "Okay," she said quietly, and the car slowed to a stop. Well, she could've crashed, but at least it had knocked some fear into her, he rationalized. If that hadn't have happened, he would probably still be on a high-speed chase. He followed suit and stopped his car as well, throwing his door open and running up to her.

"Well?" he demanded, opening her door when she refused to.

She shrugged. "I wasn't thinking. I needed a rush."

His nostrils flared. "Yeah, well I think we've had enough of those for a while. Move over."

"What about your car?"

"I'll get it later, I'm taking you home," he explained, trying to calm his jagged heartbeat.

She moved over to the passenger seat as he got into the driver's. "Are you angry?" she asked timidly.

He gripped the steering wheel and stared straight ahead. "Yeah, I am a little, Hales. First I have to hear you _complain_ about _surviving_—"

"That's not what I meant."

He turned to her. "Well, still. And then I come after you, and...I mean what were you doing, 200?"

"170, actually," she answered quietly.

"That was stupid," he said, emphasizing the last word so that it stung the air.

"I know."

He wiped his hand down his face as he put the car in drive and neither of them spoke. As they approached the main road, they met standstill traffic. It looked like there had been an accident up ahead.

"Just what I need, more death," Haley murmured, and opened her door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Nathan asked. She didn't answer and walked away from the car. He got out after her.

"You can't just leave the car!" Haley yelled.

"Right, I'm the one acting crazy right now. Haley, we need to talk."

They were standing on the side of the road, and she glanced at all the people in their cars. Boy, were they going to get a show.

"Great, let's talk. Ready? I'm hurt that you didn't tell me. Even if you thought it was irrelevant, I have a right to know everything that went on that day. Just because I wasn't conscious for it doesn't mean it's not as much my business as it is yours."

He gave her a slight nod and hung his head. "You're right. I should've told you, I'm sorry."

"And you may not want to hear it, but I am seriously pissed that you made that choice. I feel like I'm the only one going through this, like no one else is as ripped apart by JJ's death as I am."

"How can you say that? I can't even tell you how much I wanted to meet that baby, to raise that baby, all of it," his voice broke as he began to get choked up, but he pulled himself together and looked her in the eye. "And I can't stand it that we didn't have that chance, but I need you to accept that what happened, happened. We're not going to get anywhere unless we can do that."

"I've come to terms with it, Nathan, stop telling me to accept it because I have, it doesn't mean it still won't hurt. That's not what this is about."

"Then what is it about?"

She slammed her index finger into his chest and cried, "You let our baby die when you told them to tend to me in the surgery and you didn't even tell me about it!"

Ouch. That one hurt. "Haley, all I was thinking about was you, okay?! You—you...something could have happened to you and I just lost my mind. I needed JJ to be okay more than I can even explain in words, but I could _not_ lose you, Hales. My world would just...end."

Bottom lip quivering, she looked up at him. "No, it wouldn't have. You would've had two beautiful sons..." she trailed off. Thinking about that was too much. "I'm just—maybe I'm being irrational Nathan but I'm so hurt. Because if it was up to me I would've died just to save him."

"So would I, Haley."

"Then why wouldn't you let me?! You would rather have me here and JJ be gone?"

Taking a deep breath, he bravely stated, "Yes."

"I hate you right now," she said shakily.

"Well if you had to choose between having me or JJ here could you?"

"That's different."

"No it's not."

"No, okay? No, I couldn't choose...I need you. But it just hurts so bad that he's gone, and I—" she inhaled shakily to calm herself and took a glance around, wanting to punch everyone who was staring at them right now. She quieted, tired of fighting him on this. "I'm going to walk home, I need the air okay, I'll meet you there."

He looked at his watch. "Crap, I just remembered I have a meeting with Clay and the managers in twenty minutes."

"Fine. You can take my car, I'll walk. Don't worry about picking up Jamie, I told him he could stay over at Brooke's."

He nodded, and she looked at him, tilting her head.

"Haley."

"Yeah?"

He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head. "I love you." He meant it.

Her mouth pulled to the side in a smile and she brushed her hand against his cheek. "I love you too. I hope everything goes okay, and I'll see you whenever you get home."

*****

As he drove, Nathan tried to focus on basketball and contracts and everything he was supposed to be focusing on, but he couldn't. He couldn't get Haley out of his head, and being in her car didn't help at all because it smelled like her. She seemed so...broken. And as much he was hurting because of JJ, he was hurting more for Haley. He felt like he didn't deserve to be as upset as she was, and he had no idea how to deal with Haley's pain, how to make it go away. She was always the stable one, calming him down, being strong for him. And he couldn't stand seeing her so hurt.

She tried reading. She tried texting Luke. She tried playing piano, then guitar. She tried watching the Office. She tried cleaning Jamie's room, then the kitchen. Nothing worked, nothing distracted her or calmed her. She wanted to jump out of her skin, out of her mind.

Twiddling his thumbs on the wheel at a red light, he finally decided that he just couldn't leave Haley alone. He needed to go home and be with her. Picking up his phone, he dialed Clay's number. When he picked up, asking where Nathan was, he replied, "Listen, Clay, I can't make it to the meeting today."

"You're kidding me, right? Nathan you can't keep doing this, your career is on the line here!"

"Yeah, well, Haley's more important."

"What's going on with Haley?"

"You know what's going on with Haley."

"She's not doing too well, huh?"

"No. She has good days and bad days. Lately she's been doing fine, but little things that remind her and set it off. She...well, she found out something today, and it just threw her back into it all. It's my fault."

"I'm sure it's not. Listen, you go take care of Hales, and I'll figure something out."

"Thanks." He paused. He didn't want to talk to his agent Clay anymore, he needed his friend. "Hey, Clay?"

"Yeah?"

"Haley—she's...she's devastated. Way more than I am. And I don't know how to make it go away."

"You're doing it, Nate. You just gotta be there for her."

She stepped onto the patio, hoping maybe the fresh air and sunshine would do her some good. She could put her feet in the pool water and cool down. Walking over to the edge of pool, she found herself staring vacantly into the water, lost in its fluid movement.

She knew she had a lot to live for, she knew that. She would never take her own life. But as she looked down at the water, her reflection swaying back and forth in the ripples, she thought maybe she could just see what it felt like, for her mind to just–go blank. She wore a grey sweatshirt and jeans, heavy clothing, and she kind of liked the idea that they would weigh her down, out of her control. So she took a deep breath, stood over the edge, and instead of jumping, she fell.

Water moved over her; everything was blurry and hazy, and there was no noise. It was perfect. Maybe this was where JJ was, this...stillness.

Nathan walked through the house, searching for Haley. He wished she'd never found out. Having been through all the rooms, he stepped outside. She wasn't on her favorite lawn chair, or with her feet in the pool. He was beginning to wonder if she even ever came home ...then he saw a flash of auburn in the water. Fear paralyzed him, and he looked down to see Haley underwater, hands clamped against the wall of the pool, eyes clenched tight. There was no water being blown from her mouth—she wasn't breathing. His heart was pounding, and without a second thought he started running and threw himself into the pool.

Hearing a splash disturb her peaceful nothingness, Haley opened her eyes to see Nathan dive into the pool, feet first, straight as a board. No, no, no he wasn't supposed to see this. He was supposed to come home when she was sane again and he'd never even know she's succumbed to such weakness. Her heart contracted at the look on his face, it was a mixture of determination and sheer terror. She knew what he was thinking. Their eyes met for a brief second underwater before he almost angrily grabbed her shoulders and pulled her upwards. When their heads were above water and Nathan was standing upright, Haley against him, his hands reached from her shoulders to frame her face, and he shook her harshly a few times. "What are you doing?" he yelled. "What were you doing?"

Her eyes brimmed with tears as she looked into his face—he was angry. "I didn't—I wasn't—" she tried to explain—he would hate her if he thought she wanted to leave him and Jamie—but couldn't finish her thought. He had to know that she never would. But when his eyes pored into hers, there was an emotion there she had never seen before. He slammed his mouth against hers and kissed her with a desperate persistence before hoisting her up and placing her on the edge of the pool, where he joined her. She collapsed into him. "I don't—I don't know," she quivered. Without a response, his arms wrapped around her and he crushed her into his embrace.  
"I love you," he whispered fiercely into her hair. "We'll get through this."

**A/N: **i'd really like to know what you guys thought of this one! leave me a review please :)


	23. In These Arms

**A/N: **Hi everyone! I'm sorry this has taken so long, a whole month exactly--really, i didn't plan that. Anyway, I wanted this chapter to be longer, but I decided to split it into two parts. Technically it will be two chapters, but the titles will be songs from the same artist. Clever right? :) [ps check out the Swell Season, aka Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova from Once, their songs are the sweetest thing I've ever heard.] Hopefully I'll have it posted soon, but for the meantime here's chapter 23! please review & enjoy the finale (season season season) tonight!

twenty three.

It had only been a few minutes. She'd only been home by herself for a few minutes. The few minutes that it took him to get home, that she'd been in the pool, could have been the end of her life. And his, really. Everything could have changed. Everything could have been ruined.

It had been a few minutes since he'd pulled her out of the water, since they'd moved, or spoken. He didn't know how many times he opened his mouth to say something, anything, but no words came. He couldn't even bring himself to ask, or even say that word—_suicide. _He didn't even want to let the thought enter his head, because that couldn't possibly what this was. But of course it did, and maybe it was.

He still had a death grip on Haley on the poolside, and he listened harder than he ever had in his life to her breathing as he stared into the water. Into the pool that been home to family fun, laughter, and love. And now this. He used to like this pool, now he wanted nothing more for it to be swallowed up into the ground.

He was so consumed by his thoughts that he hadn't heard Haley's teeth chattering, and so when the noise registered in his mind he immediately stood, bringing her with him, and walked into the house.

There were no words shared between them as Nathan led her upstairs and into the shower where he turned on warm water and soothed the goose bumps off of her skin. He then set her on top of the toilet so she wouldn't have to stand as he crouched down to her drying her off. He knew she was looking at him but he couldn't meet her gaze. When she whispered "I'm sorry," that did the trick and his eyes snapped up to hers, and he could feel his eyes getting lost in the depths of her brown ones. No, his mind protested, not _sorry_. He did not want to hear that.

He trailed the towel down her arms and it fell to the floor, replaced by his hands, which enclosed around hers. "For what?"

"For scaring you. You weren't supposed to see that," she answered faintly.

He nodded. "Haley—" He closed his eyes and forced himself to say it. "Were you—? Was that what I think it was?"

She put her hand on his cheek, never moving her eyes from his. "I was _not _trying to drown myself, Nathan. Please believe that."

He would never be able to explain the relief he felt then, it brought tears to his eyes. "Promise?" he choked.

She gave him a warm half smile. "I promise."

Nathan's head fell into her shoulder and they wrapped their arms around each other before moving to their bedroom. Once Haley was in warm dry clothes and they were both in bed on their respective sides, she and Nathan lay, unusually not touching, each staring at the ceiling.

"Why'd you do it?" Nathan finally asked, breaking the silence.

She took a deep breath. "I, uh...When I got home, I was a mess. All that new information was just shoved down my throat and I was completely overwhelmed. And I felt awful about the things I said to you, because I didn't mean them. My mind was going a thousand miles a minute and I just needed to slow it down, that's all it was." She glanced at him for a reaction, and when she saw none, continued. "I was going to get out of the water and collect myself and be better when you got home. I want to be better, Nathan, really I do. And I will be."

"Okay."

She waited for him to respond with more than a simple interjection, but like so many others had been that night, each moment that passed was filled with silence.

"Please say something. What are you thinking?"

He shrugged, still looking above him at nothing in particular. "I'm thinking that we're moving."

She chuckled. "What?"

"Yeah, we're moving. To a house without a pool."

"Nathan, come on. It didn't mean anything—"

"It didn't mean anything? It did mean something. I get it, but...I just don't understand why you're doing it this way. Haley...you have to wake up, you can't keep putting yourself in danger like this! I can't handle it, Hales, I can't worry every time you're alone that you'll be hurt or—or worse. I don't know if you didn't hear me last time, but I need you to be here."

"Nathan, nothing was going to happen. I told you had no intentions of harming myself."

"So? Something could've happened that was out of your control. What if an animal ran in front of your car and you crashed into a tree? What if you'd gone unconscious in the water?"

She was quiet. "I didn't think about that."

"Well start thinking, Haley. Because I need you to and more importantly, because Jamie needs you to." His tone came out harsher than he intended, and he wanted to just pull her into his arms when he saw the flicker of hurt reflected in her eyes. But part of him was still angry, why didn't she get it? She still had him and Jamie, they were still a family.

Closing her eyes to hide the tears welling there, she nodded and turned over away from him. "I'm sorry," she said before adding in hardly a whisper, "Don't give up on me."

"What?"

"I'm sorry," she murmured, her hands over her face. "I'm going to be careful from now on."

"No, the other thing you said."

She took a deep breath. "Don't give up on me."

"It's not funny!" she insisted when she heard a faint laugh come from him.

"Yes it is. Hales, look at me." She turned herself over so they were face to face and he put his hands on her shoulders.

"You are everything to me Haley. There is nothing in the world that you could do to make me give up on you."

She took in his words and felt the dread within her dissipate. "Ditto," she whispered thickly.

"Okay. Now no more throwing yourself into fast cars and pools, you hear me? You need to be safe."

She smiled and nodded.

"Good, now come here." He pulled her into her arms and she waited for sleep. When it came over her, wrapped in her husband's arms, she dreamt of the familiar feeling of walking through a dark tunnel. But this time, there was a light at the end.

Two days later, Haley's eyes fluttered open and she smiled when she found a certain eight-year-old snuggled into her side. Kissing the top of his head, she reached her arm to her side and groaned in disappointment when her hands met empty sheets. Nathan usually woke her before he went downstairs on schooldays. "Wake up, sleepy head," she said, gently shaking Jamie's shoulder. "Time for school," she told him apologetically when his eyes opened. After about ten minutes of Jamie rattling off a list of excuses for why he should stay home, she finally got him into his room to change and walked downstairs calling Nathan's name. When no one answered, she looked outside and his black SUV was nowhere to be seen. She went to the fridge, ignoring the wave of annoyance when she saw that he didn't leave a note, and began packing Jamie's lunch. "Where's Dad?" he asked, walking downstairs.

"I don't know, bud, he went out early. It's just you and me today," she answered, putting his breakfast in front of him as he sat down at the table.

"That's okay. I can't be late today anyway, and Dad's always slowing my roll."

Haley chuckled. "Remind me to never let Skills babysit again. Why does Dad 'slow your roll, _dude_?'"

"He eats too much."

Watching him scarf down two pieces of bacon, she laughed, "You're one to talk."

He gave her a big smile. "Whatever, Mom."

Once they were in the car, in a rare moment of silence, Haley glanced in her rearview mirror at Jamie, who was staring intensely at her.

"You okay Jamie?" she asked, a laugh behind her voice.

"Yup. Are _you _okay Momma?"

"Yeah buddy I'm fine. What's going on?"

"I just don't want you to be sad anymore."

Her heart melted. "Thank you baby. You know that why I'm sad has nothing to do with you, right?"

"I know. Dad told me you just miss JJ."

She bit her lip, hating that this was affecting him. "I do miss him, very much. But you know what? Having you and Daddy around makes it a lot better."

"Really?"

She nodded, smiling at him. "Really. I love you both very much."

"Good. Do you think I help Dad too?"

"I know you do."

"Cool, cause he's sad too. I've never seen him cry, except for when you were in the hospital."

"When did Daddy cry, sweetie?"

"When you were really sad and he took me to the graveyard to see JJ."

That one hit her hard. She wanted to burst into tears—she'd called _him_ selfish when she had been ignoring his pain because she was so wrapped up in hers. She took a deep breath to answer Jamie. "I know all of this is hard to understand, but me and Daddy really wanted you to have a little brother. And since we all loved JJ so much, it's hard now that he's gone. We both miss him a lot, but that doesn't mean we don't love you, okay?"

"I know."

The car pulled up to the school. "Have a good day, Jame, I'll see you later," she said, and smiled when Jamie leaned over the backseat to give her a kiss on the cheek and sped off into the school.

Before starting the engine back up, she took a moment to process everything that Jamie had told her, and the guilt washed over her in full force. She picked up her cell phone to call Nathan, desperately needing to talk to him, but it dropped from her hands as realization formed in her mind. She knew where he was. Thing was, it would probably kill her to go there to find him. But he'd been masking his pain for her for so long, and it was time she did the same for him. So off she went.

**A/N: **drop me a review? :) next chapter/part two will be up soon!


	24. Falling Slowly

**A/N: **hey everyone! thank you so much for the reviews and i'm sorry it's been so long! i wrote this chapter a while ago, intending on posting it before i left for vacation, but never got around to it. so hopefully another update is coming your way shortly. it picks up directly after the last one and guess what! things are getting better! our beloved naley are on the path they know so well, recovery from shitty things ;) the songs Letters From the Sky by Civil Twilight and Green Eyes by Coldplay really helped me out with this chapter, so if you're looking for something to listen to while you read or just some new stuff, look them up. i think i'm done rambling so...hope you like it and please please please let me know what you think!

twenty four.

"_When I'm sad, she comes to me, with a thousand smiles she gives to me free. _

_It's alright, she said, it's alright, take anything you want from me"_

Haley focused on her breathing as the car slowed to a stop. She would not cry, she would not panic, she would not lose it. She would not be weak. Her movements deliberate and slow, she removed the keys and quietly shut the car door. Her eyes narrowed as the sunlight assaulted her vision and she looked around, taking everything in. She walked around the car and paused, almost smiling when she saw him. He was exactly as she'd pictured how he would be at this place. Legs folded under him, leaning forward, his head in his hands. She inhaled deeply before beginning to walk toward him, her footsteps quiet enough to go unnoticed. When she reached him, she bent down on her knees, softly wrapped her arms around his chest and kissed the back of his neck.

She felt the tension release from his shoulders and he lifted a hand up to place on her forearms, but didn't turn to look at her. His voice was a cracked whisper. "I feel so guilty, Haley."

Her eyes closed at the blunt force of pain that hit her when she heard his words. "That's my fault."

He shook his head in his response, murmuring a no. "I've been so selfish," she admitted, feeling her throat swell.

"You were hurt, Hales, you had a right to be."

"So were you. So _are _you. I should've realized...I need you to know I didn't mean any of those things I said to you, Nathan. Not one. I was angry and overwhelmed and I blamed you and it was wrong."

He stared at the ground, moving his hand back and forth against her arm. "No, everything you said was right. The moment the doctor asked me that question has just been playing over and over in my mind every second of the last few months and...and everything you said was true."

The shaky breath she took sounded like a gasp, and her eyebrows knit together as she tightened her grip on him. "I promise you, there is not an ounce of resentment or blame for you in my body. You didn't cause what happened, or allow it, or anything, understand? I don't know why it happened, but it did, and neither of us had any control over it. Please look at me, Nathan." He turned to face her and she swept a hand over his cheek. "I love you so much, you've been so wonderful through everything, and I'm so grateful for that. None of this was your fault. None of it."

He gave her a brief nod, maybe not fully believing her words but accepting them. She gave him a teary smile. "You should've told me about it. For your sake. If it was bothering you so much, I could've done something. I could've helped. Why didn't you?"

Looking into her eyes and taking a deep breath, he pulled her around his side and placed her in his lap. "I couldn't bring myself to...I was so ashamed. And I knew that if I told you, you'd be ashamed of me too."

Her head fell into his shoulder. "You should never feel like that, not with me. I know that my initial reaction was angry and, well, stupid, but nothing you could ever tell me could make me ashamed of you. You were put in an impossible position. I would have made the same choice."

"I love you, Hales," he said, pulling her in for an urgent short kiss. When they pulled apart, she put both arms around him. "No more suffering alone, okay? We're a team, we hurt as a team and we will heal as a team. And if we're going to mope, we're going to mope together."

"Deal," he smiled. "Have you come here since last time?" he asked her, nodding to the gravestone.

She pursed her lips, not even wanting to turn towards it. "No," she answered quietly. "Does it help?"

"Yeah, actually, he clears my head."

She smiled. "JJ does that?"

"Yeah, try it," he said, nudging her.

Avoiding his gaze, she mumbled, "I can't."

"Why not?"

"I don't know, I've tried but the words won't come. I can't, I can't face it, I can't even say death out loud. There's something different about...vocalizing it."

"I'll help you." He turned her stiff body towards the grave and laced his hands with her own.

"Hey, buddy. We miss you down here," he started.

Tears began to roll down her face and she opened her mouth to speak but she was suddenly paralyzed. Nathan looked at her expectantly, but she shook her head, so he continued.

"Your mom's having a tough time with losing you, and you know I am. Sorry you've had to put up with my whining all this time," he said, eliciting a breath of a laugh from Haley. He whispered into her ear, "I've found that if you say stupid stuff to start, it's easier to work up to the serious stuff."

She nodded, and inhaled, his hands squeezing hers in encouragement. "Um—you probably think that your name lacks originality...but your big brother came up with it, and it fit you perfectly, and we just couldn't bring ourselves to change it." She let out the breath she was holding. "I miss you, and I really wish I could've met you. I really, really wanted to be your mom," she said, her voice a bit more sure.

She turned her head up to Nathan, smiling. "It worked."

He gave her a grin. "You _are _his mom, Haley."

Her smile growing, she turned back to the gravestone. "I guess I am. I really love you, and I will never ever forget you," she finished, feeling pressure she didn't even know was there leave her body, and began to laugh. Soon she was bent over, laughter erupting from her. Then Nathan was right next to her, their peels of laughter ringing through the deserted cemetery framed by the morning sun.

"Let's both pick up Jamie from school today," Nathan suggested on the drive home, slightly lifting their interlocked hands between them and placing them back down.

"Okay. How come?"

"I don't know, let's go somewhere. Out to dinner, to a movie, something. We could ask Luke, Peyton and the twins to come too."

She smiled. "That sounds great. We haven't done anything like that in a while."

"I know, I was thinking that maybe Jamie needs it, we've been the two most depressing parents ever. I mean I think we did pretty good trying to keep it away from him, but—"

"He knows," Haley finished quietly.

"Yeah."

They sat in comfortable silence as they drove, and when they pulled into their house's driveway, Haley looked over to the pool—it didn't look right.

She snorted and let out a chuckle of amusement, and nodded to the emptied pool when Nathan asked why she laughed.

"What is that?" she asked, a tiny portion of her annoyed at his overprotective antics.

"I, uh—well..." he tried, but ended up just giving her a shrug and apologetic smirk.

Even though it was drastic and unnecessary, something made her smile. It was just like Nathan to do something like this. "Thank you," she said, kissing him on the cheek.

"For draining the pool?"

"No," she laughed, "for being the person you are."

He smiled, kissing her forehead. "Today was good," she said. "Today is going to change things for us."

"I'll try Lucas first," Haley noted as their car pulled up outside of Jamie's school. The kids weren't out yet; Haley always insisted on getting there way before school actually ended—she wanted to "see Jamie in his natural environment" or something dorky like that. Nathan didn't understand it but thought it was slightly adorable.

"He just blew me off!" Haley said, in shock, holding out her phone. "He said they were dealing with something and he'd have to call me back."

Nathan shrugged. "Maybe he's in a brooding mood. Call Peyton."

She did, but all she got from that call was the sound of screaming babies and an exasperated Peyton yelling at her for no reason and promising to get together later in the week to talk. Okay.

Then she tried Brooke, who sounded so thrilled that her voice was doing that squeaky thing and all she could make out was and couldn't wait to tell Haley every detail but she reallyreallyreally had to get back to Julian. Fine, and ew.

"No one loves us. We're on our own tonight."

"Eh," Nathan shrugged, "that's not so bad. Here comes the boy."

"Hey, Jame!" Haley smiled when Jamie jumped in the car. "How was school?"

"Stupid," he shrugged. Nathan laughed at Haley's eye-roll.

"I'm so glad he got your attitude," Haley said sarcastically to Nathan.

"Just be thankful that it's accompanied by your brain and not mine," he smiled.

"I hate when you guys do this," Jamie sighed. "It's like you call dibs on my genes."

"My height!" Haley blurted out.

"My jumpshot," Nathan shot back.

"My clumsiness."

"My musical ability—as in lack of."

"Your eyes," Haley added.

"Your heart," Nathan said lovingly.

"Gag me," Jamie cut in playfully.

"Alright, alright. How's dinner and a movie sound?"

"Awesome!" Jamie said excitedly. "I take back the gag me stuff if we can go see the new Shrek."

Haley wanted to see Letters to Juliet, Nathan wanted to see The Karate Kid. Guess who won.

As she and Nathan stepped quietly through the house, they went through the motions. Put Jamie (who was out cold, slung over Nathan's shoulder) to bed, checked phone messages, locked all the doors and windows, sat down to watch TV only to be bored within minutes, stepped upstairs hand in hand, brushed their teeth and washed their faces, stepped into their room, changed into pajamas, began to kiss.

This was the moment she dreaded. Sometimes she even grimaced or closed her eyes during that moment when he first pulled off her shirt, when she was first revealed to him. She wasn't one of those women who hid themselves from their husbands, self-conscious of stretch marks, softness that had made a home in motherhood; she knew Nathan was unbothered by the changes in her body since having Jamie (though minimal due to her young age, still existent), loved her more for them even. But something about it was different now—the nakedness felt as a band-aid is ripped off to reveal a grotesque injury, the insecurity as a well-accustomed cast is removed from a weak limb.

It was a just hairline now, a shadow of a scar. A fragile line drawn across her stomach, the skin there a bit smoother and whiter than the rest. She'd done the research—the scar would fade if treated properly. In a year it may not even be clearly visible. But always there.

She'd watch his eyes sweep over it, read the emotions badly hidden on his face. It was the expression on his face during that first fleeting moment—the one that reveals the innermost thoughts, the initial reaction: the one immediately controlled and rarely noticed. Sometimes there was sadness, sometimes compassion, pain, love, protectiveness. Sometimes nothing. Tonight there was something present in his eyes she'd never seen before. Apparently it was a night for firsts.

The first expression, his real reaction, was not a flicker across his face only to vanish immediately. He didn't look up to her face, do something to distract them both as he usually would. Curiosity, wonder lingered in his eyes.

She was too busy watching his face, because what happened next sent rush of something through her body—shock, adrenaline, relief were all good guesses, she couldn't tell. She felt a finger trace across the healing tissue on her stomach, the physical evidence.

_ Today is going to change things for us. _Apparently in more ways than one. She held her breath as Nathan's thumb moved soothingly across the scar, recoiled the slightest bit when she felt his lips place a chaste kiss on it.

He slowly moved his gaze up to meet hers, to ask if this was okay, and the tranquility he saw in her eyes told him it was.

They'd made love many times since JJ's death, already did the tentative rediscovering that occurs after a tragedy. But this time was the first time when nothing was hovering over their heads, reminding them of the futility of the act;

it was the first time since they'd lost their child that she'd really, truly, opened herself to him without barriers.

"Where's Mom?" Jamie asked, entering his parent's room a few days later. "I swear, she drags me out of bed and yells at me for not being ready and then...nowhere to be seen!"

Nathan laughed. "Just go downstairs, Mom will be out it a minute. She's putting on her pretty face right now." He paused, looked around. "Well, prettier face."

Jamie nodded in contentment, headed downstairs to make himself breakfast. Cereal probably, the least healthy he could find. With chocolate milk. Nathan shook his head in laughter, watching his son's thoughts go through his mind—no Haley to ensure breakfast was nutritious, and by association, gross. He went back to fixing his tie and waited for Haley to emerge.

She had no idea what she was feeling. She saw a glimpse of happiness, could see wonderful things in their future. She saw the other side too, could see it all crumbling in front of her—the tour, JJ's memory, her sanity.

She picked up what was lying on the bathroom counter.

"Okay," she said, scrutinizing the image in the mirror, "one. two. three."

p.s. opening quote is from Little Wing by the incredible Jimi Hendrix. hope you liked the new chapter, drop me a review? =)


	25. Running to Stand Still

**A/N: **hey guys! as always, thank you times a million to everyone who read and reviewed, you keep me writing! i actually wasn't really sure where to go with this chapter, and so as i'm rewatching episodes, i was struck with some ideas, started writing random scenes, and eventually it all fell into place and somehow became a whole chapter. two major episode influences were 5x10 (i even threw in a flashback, just because i wanted to) and 7x01 (this is more of a loose influence, but you'll see what i mean). hmm, song recommednations for this chapter are Come Home by One Republic, Some Devil by DMB, and Make You Feel My Love (it's really a Bob Dylan song, but I'm hooked on Adele's cover). anywayyy this chapter picks up right after the last one, literally, like seconds after and i hope you guys like it!

twenty five.

She took a breath, composed herself, swept a hand over her hair and clothes. Relaxing her shoulders, she opened the bathroom door and walked into her and Nathan's room.

"Ready?" Nathan asked her, making her jump.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't see you," she said nervously, covering it with a laugh.

He smirked, his eyes puzzled. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, um..." she looked around, finally settled her gaze on him. "Actually, I just—well, I just took a pregnancy test."

His eyes popped out of his head; if he'd been eating he would have choked.

"I'm not," she rushed to answer his unspoken question. "I thought I might be, but...false alarm," she shrugged.

He moved towards her. "Oh," he breathed. "Are you, um...how are you?"

She bit her lip. "A little shaken, but...okay."

"Okay. Good." He pulled her into his arms. "You're not sad?"

She laid her head on his chest. "I don't think so...I don't really know what I'm feeling," she admitted. "I mean if I had been—do you think we'd be ready for that?"

He sighed and went to sit down on the bed, leading her with him. "We would've had to be," he said, laughing lightly. "But, since you're not, I'm going to have to say no."

"Me too."

He nodded. "Well, I'll tell you what, since you don't have a big announcement for me, I've got one for you."

"_You're_ pregnant?" Haley joked.

He laughed, shaking his head. "I'm coming on tour with you and Jamie."

Her jaw dropped and she began to protest but he interrupted. "I don't care what you say, there's not a chance I'm letting you go on tour alone...again. And I'm definitely not letting you and Jamie go have the time of your lives on tour while I'm at stupid practice."

She inhaled, the grin spreading across her face highlighting her poorly controlled excitement. "You're sure?" she asked.

"Absolutely," he smiled, and laughed when she jumped into his arms.

He wrapped his arms around her, both of them smiling so hard that when they kissed it hardly qualified as one.

After moments of holding each other in silence, Nathan smiled and spoke. "So, it was that night after we saw Shrek with Jamie, huh?" he asked.

"What?" she laughed.

"When you thought you were pregnant, it was because of that night, right? That was, like, _amazing_," he smirked.

She swatted his face lightly and laughed. "No!"

"Hales, I'm hurt," he pouted.

"I meant no, that's not why I thought it was pregnant, not no it wasn't amazing," she said, rolling her eyes. "I was just late."

He nodded. "So it doesn't matter how good it was? Quality isn't like...a factor?"

"No," she laughed.

"Oh. I guess if it was, we'd have to get a house with more rooms," he smirked.

She clicked her tongue. "Here we go. I can feel your ego inflating," she teased.

He ignored her and kept going. "Like the night of my first NBA game? That was a goooooood night."

"Stop!" she exclaimed, but couldn't help laughing.

"Alright, alright. You're going to the studio today right? I'll take the boy to school, and I'll see you when you get home," he said, kissing her cheek and heading out the doorway.

"Dinner is gonna be so healthy tonight," Haley said. "I don't even want to know what he's eating right now!"

"I'll make sure to get the chocolate smudges off of the counter and his face," he smiled.

"Bye," she laughed, reaching down to grab her jacket. "Forget something?" she asked, when Nathan stormed back into the room and put both hands on her face.

"I love you," he said seriously, kissing her lightly, and she felt her legs turn to jello.

"Thanks baby," she smiled. "I love you too."

Nathan walked quietly into Red Bedroom Records, waving to Peyton who was talking a mile a minute to who he assumed to be someone at the parent label about the release of Haley's first single. He smiled when he entered the studio, seeing Haley leaning over the piano writing in a notebook, her wavy hair spilling over her face. She was wearing the purple dress he loved (and every time he said so she'd thank him but insist that it was _fuchsia_). He pressed the talk button.

"Bad time?" he asked, always nervous that he was interrupting when she was working on her music.

She lifted her head and a smile spread across her face. "Hey! No, come on in."

He walked towards her. "Are you sure? Cause if you're writing the next _Wanted Dead Or Alive_ I don't want to interrupt."

She turned to face him and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "Bon Jovi? Really?"

"I love that song," he protested before they kissed.

"So," she started as he sat down on the piano bench, looking up at her intensely. "What's up?"

"Nothing," he shrugged. "Just thought I'd...say hi."

She tilted her head and gave him a look a he knew well. "You don't have to check up on me, you know."

"I know no such thing," he said with a laugh.

She smiled. "I'm really okay," she assured him.

"Okay." He shrugged and looked away.

"You don't believe me!"

"Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because Hales, come on. After everything that happened, it's, well, it's a little much."

She sighed, "I know. I know it is, but...I think maybe I just need some time to think."

A wave of panic washed over his face. He remembered the last time she'd said that a little too vividly.

"_Look, I need to go to Dan's parole hearing but before I do, I need you to hear me out."_

_She stopped. "Dan's up for parole?"_

_He rambled his way through explaining what was going on with Dan, but looking back he had no idea why he'd wasted time on that when there was so much he should've been telling her._

"_But that's not why I'm here."_

_She sighed, pursed her lips, and by some miracle, she told him she was listening._

"_There is absolutely NOTHING going on between me and Carrie," he told her, praying that she'd hear the truth in his voice._

"_It didn't look like nothing," she said quietly. He knew that. But he also knew her, and he knew that she couldn't really believe that anything had happened. _

"_Damn it, Nathan," she said after he was done nearly begging her to believe that. "I really thought we were, like, rounding this corner of everything, you know. I don't—I don't know how to...I just, I need some time to think and just be alone."_

"_Haley, please—" he'd tried to protest and moved toward her, but she flinched and backed away. She had never once looked at him like that, not since they'd gotten married, not since they'd met. Something broke inside of him and he realized that she didn't want him to touch her; she didn't even want him here._

The circumstances were different, but he was afraid that she would do what she always did when she was hurt and overwhelmed. Shut down and push him away. He didn't think he could handle that this time around. "Time to think...without me?" he asked, dreading the answer.

"No, God no," she rushed out, sitting next to him on the piano bench. "No, being away from you is the last thing I need, okay?" she smiled, running her palm over his cheek. "I just meant that I'm not—I don't know, I don't want you to think that I'm devastated or something. I'm just a little...shocked I guess. But you don't need to worry, and I know this is the first time I've said 'I'm okay' and actually meant it but I'm really okay."

"Really?" he asked skeptically, and at her reprimanding look surrendered an "Okay, okay, I believe you."

"Good," she said contentedly, leaning in to kiss him softly.

"I always worry about you, Hales," he whispered. "Whether I need to or not."

"Noted," she smiled.

"Hey, Luke texted me earlier," Nathan remembered. "They want to get together for dinner tonight, he said they have news."

"Brooke told me the same thing on the phone this morning," she told him, puzzled.

"Weird," Nathan commented.

Haley contemplated this for a while. "We need news."

"What?"

"Well if it's gonna be a big announcement dinner, we can't just sit there without one!"

"Hm, you're right." He paused. "Wanna give the pregnancy thing another try?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and glancing toward the top of the piano.

"Shut up," she laughed. "Oh! Jamie got an A in English this quarter!"

"Lame."

"You come up with something then!"

"The tour," he suggested.

"Peyton already knows about that, which means so does Lucas, and Brooke which means so does Julian. We've got to come up with something, we're losing cool points."

"I think you lose cool points just by saying 'cool points'."

Haley stuck out her tongue at him. "Whatever. You should get out of here before Peyton comes in and kicks your ass...and mine for getting nothing done. I'll see you at home. Text me if you think of something!"

"So who's first?" Haley asked, putting down the last food dish and sitting at the head of the table, opposite Nathan, with Brooke and Julian on her left side and Lucas and Peyton on her right. "Everyone's got big news, so spill."

"You first," Brooke nodded to Peyton excitedly.

"You already know what theirs is?" Haley asked Brooke. "Unfair!"

"No, I don't, I just want mine to be last so it gets the most attention. We'll go after them" she answered with a devilish grin.

"What makes you think Nathan and I don't have an announcement to make?" Haley asked with a lifted eyebrow.

"Do you?"

"Nah, we got nothing," she said, putting her chin on her hand as Nathan laughed. "Go," she told Peyton.

"Well," Peyton started, reaching for Lucas's hand. "We're, we're leaving."

Haley and Brooke's faces went blank. "The house, right, you mean you're leaving the house right now."

"No," Lucas said solemnly. "We're leaving Tree Hill."

The entire table broke out in protests and yelling, but Haley's voice won out. "Why?"

"There's a job at the parent label in L.A. I just have to take, I'm sorry," Peyton answered apologetically.

"L.A?" Brooke screamed as Haley said, "You're leaving Red Bedroom Records? How could you do that Peyton, it's your label, how can you just abandon it? It's going to fall under!"

"I'm not abandoning it! I want you to take over Red Bedroom Records."

Haley's mouth dropped open in shock. "Peyton, I—" she started, but then turned her gaze to Lucas. "You! How could you let this happen?"

"It's something we thought really hard about, Hales. It's the best move for our family and both our careers. I mean, book publishers are so much more accessible out there..."

"Your _family_ includes us," Haley stated stubbornly.

"I'm sorry, Haley, really, we'll visit as much as we can," he said softly, reaching out to rub her arm.

Meanwhile, Brooke and Peyton were having an intense stare-down. "You cannot leave," Brooke said in a small voice.

"Brooke, honey," Peyton started.

"No. No, you have to be my maid of honor, this is isn't fair..."

Peyton's eyes went wide. "Yeah, it really isn't," Haley agreed. "Wait, what did you just say?" she spun toward Brooke.

Brooke shrugged and gave everyone a small smile. "We're getting married, Julian proposed a few days ago."

The room again erupted in shouts, this time of congratulations.

"Yeah, yeah," Brooke said, annoyed. She turned to Peyton. "How long?"

"A few weeks," Peyton said quietly.

"Better be a hell of a few weeks," she mumbled.

"How dare she?" Brooke ranted, storming through her living room as Julian watched from the couch.

"Babe, she didn't know."

She rolled her eyes. "Peyton used to say people always leave. I never knew she was talking about her stupid ass."

There was a knock at the door. "Peyton, if that's you, you better tell me I was just Punk'd or you're still not forgiven," she called as she walked towards it.

"Oh, Luke," she greeted, embarrassed. "Hi."

"Brooke, listen. Peyton feels awful...she had no idea you were getting married, I mean, the timing's just screwed up."

She nodded. "I know, it just sucks."

"You guys can call and video chat all the time. We're going to fly in for the wedding, I promise."

"Thank you," Brooke said. "I'm going to hold you to that."

Lucas held out his arms and Brooke hesitantly stepped into them. "I guess you'll be taking Anna and Keith too?" she asked over his shoulder.

He laughed. "Um, yeah."

"It's just not fair! I already didn't get to see one godson grow up; I was banking on Keith! I mean how can you guys leave? Tree Hill is home. She's the one that came back here because of that."

Lucas shrugged. "It's just time for us to go, Brooke."

"And what about Haley?" she challenged. "After everything she's been through this year, you're just going to leave her? You're her best friend. She needs you."

"I'm gonna miss them too, Hales," Nathan tried, sitting on their couch and watching her pace back and forth.

"Peyton is just dropping Red Bedroom on me? I mean, I'm honored but I can't run a record label! I can't do this without her!"

"I don't believe that, you're an amazing—"

"And Lucas! We have been best friends our entire lives. _Our entire freaking lives_. And he's just leaving because Peyton is taking another position across the freaking country?"

"Peyton is his wife and the mother of his kids," Nathan reasoned.

"Well I had him first," Haley pouted.

Nathan chuckled. "Do you remember when we had just gotten out of college and I was supposed to get signed with the Sonics? We were going to move to Seattle. And as horrible it would be to leave Tree Hill and all our friends, that's what we had to do because we're a family. I mean if I got traded to another team in a different state, you and Jamie would move with me, right?"

Her mouth opened to answer him, an "of course!" about to fall from her lips when she stopped herself. "That's not the point," she said stubbornly.

"I know this sucks," Nathan sighed, pulling her down on the couch with him. "And I know you're going to miss him, but they'll visit. He's not gonna be completely out of your life, you'll still talk."

She leaned into him, laying her head between his shoulder and his neck. "I'm just tired of people not being here."

"I am," he said quietly, kissing her forehead.

so what did you think? let me know! =)


End file.
